playdates at a home where a parent smokes? (parents, girls, playing)
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We have neighbors who have a child the same age as my oldest daughter.
They enjoy playing with each other very much and have just recently started asking to play inside each other's homes,vs.playing in the yard,bike riding,etc...
Her family is a very nice family and I am comfortable allowing my daughter to play over there,except for one thing. Someone in the home smokes. I am not sure who it is,as I have never seen anyone smoke,but it is quite obvious when they open their door and you are in their home, by the smell.
It is overwhelming sometimes.
I may be more sensitive to it as a non-smoker now who use to smoke.
My husband cannot stand smoke or to be around anyone that does smoke and absolutely doesn't want her playing there if someone is smoking in the house.
Not sure how to handle it as I want her to be able to continue playing with her little friend and would really like for them to play at both homes vs. just playing at ours. It really isn't any of our business that someone smokes,but I think it becomes our business when our daughter is being exposed to it.
I am an ex-smoker but never smoked in my home (after my son was born!). I would talk honestly with the girls mom/dad. Just tell them that you prefer that your daughter not be in their home since someone smokes there. Unfortunately, you can't tell them not to smoke in their home so you will have to have the playdates at your home if you still want the girls to play. Good luck!
That may be a risky situation. I think you are setting yourself up for a pissed off neighbor, imo. Its your decision and your child, so you can set the rules but, the neighbor might just say that if your daughter cannot come here and play, then their daughter cannot come to your house either. The girls will be the ones who suffer from their friendship.
I think tnhoneypot is dead on and you cannot tell someone not to smoke in their own home . It might be a grandmom that smokes or another relative that was over there at the time you went over there . I would go over there and talk with them and see if that is truly what is going on . If it is a mom or a dad see if they could refrain from smoking while your daughter is there . I am sure this sittuation can be rectified if you let it and you two can come to some agreement . good luck and hope you can work it out for the girls sake .
Explain to the parents that you and your husband are very sensitive to smoke so you're sorry, little Suzy can't come to play inside their house.
You don't sound like the type that will get all preachy about the hazards. That's a good thing. I'm a former smoker and promised myself I'd never turn into one of those.
They will more than likely understand and continue to let the kids be friends.
Just tell the parents little Suzie has an allergy to cigarette smoke and can't spend much time there.
Alternatively, propose that life is full of little risks and sometimes having a great time with a friend outweighs the risks of a dirty house, someone else's cooking, or tertiary exposure to smoke.
Perhaps you could let your daughter actually make the decision for herself? You can't keep her locked up in a politically correct bubble. Let the child go over and decide for herself. If the house stinks and she doesn't like that, i'm sure she'll be capable of telling you that she no longer wants to go there.
Not sure how to handle it as I want her to be able to continue playing with her little friend and would really like for them to play at both homes vs. just playing at ours. It really isn't any of our business that someone smokes,but I think it becomes our business when our daughter is being exposed to it.
Honesty. If you are comfortable enough with your daughter playing with their child to the extent of opening up your home to them & vice versa, see no harm in talking to the parents about your feelings.
Just tell the parents little Suzie has an allergy to cigarette smoke and can't spend much time there.
Alternatively, propose that life is full of little risks and sometimes having a great time with a friend outweighs the risks of a dirty house, someone else's cooking, or tertiary exposure to smoke.
I agree with the short and simple - We have allergies to Cig, and although we love for Suzie to play with your daughter, if you could keep her outside over there, we would really appreciate it.
This is a tough and common one! I think all non-smoking parents have at some point faced this. Some even with time spent at relatives which is even harder to deal with.
All you can really do, if you choose to do anything, is to talk to the other kids parents. Be ready for all kinds of different reactions, though... as some smokers get terribly defensive and rude, while others are sweet as pie and will try their best to work with you.
Tricky, tricky... it's one of those really tough situations.
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