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I'm a single dad in my 50's and brought my son up for years - we both grew up together so to speak - him more than me lol.
He's ambitious and has the grades, scores and background to get into Berkeley or Harvard and may well go ( I get to pay). I live in South Texas so he won't be close by unless he goes to UT Austin.
We've spend lots of time together - when he was 3-5 he didn't want day care and went to court with me every day. I did teach him to be independent and he is especially ambitious.
He graduates in May and then he's gone. He will keep busy.
I do have a little girl and we always have pets but no other family. I wonder if anyone else is in quite the same position.
I am reading into your post all the things that you don't say.....but if I am right....I recommend that you read and think about Kahil Gibran's teaching "On Children" Kahlil Gibran On Children
and that you begin to develop a life that isnt based on your temporary role as a custodial parent. Don't let yourself be left without purpose.....as you complete the tasks associated with your current life stage.
You son should go and do whatever he can aspire to....dont attempt to hold him back....don't use college financing to hang on to him.....don't let him think he has a duty to limit or forgo his life because it will be hard for you.
It sounds like you have done and are doing a wonderful job of parenting.....don't ruin it.
NO elston you are not reading it right. In fact I am encouraging him to go to Berkeley over UT Austin because its a better school even though its 1500 miles further away. I don't especially encourage Harvard because although its obviously a top school like Cal - it would cost ME a fortune even with some scholies- I don't discourage him either.
I have a full life here - been elected to the school board and am President of the Bar ( attys lol) association. That doesn't mean I don't have room to feel a bit empty.
I wasn't asking for any solutions - just musing that it will be different not having him around after 17 years. We designed this house together - although he was only 5.
Ah, now I understand.....I responded to what you didnt say.....and I knew that was risky.
I do understand what you are describing, as I raised my three sons from Jr. High thru college on my own....and I did go through a crises when the last of them moved out on their own. Then after awhile one came back and that wasnt right either.....finally they have all established independant lives for themselves.....and I have as well. We are all happy....or as close to happy as life permits.
I'm a single dad in my 50's and brought my son up for years - we both grew up together so to speak - him more than me lol.
He's ambitious and has the grades, scores and background to get into Berkeley or Harvard and may well go ( I get to pay). I live in South Texas so he won't be close by unless he goes to UT Austin.
We've spend lots of time together - when he was 3-5 he didn't want day care and went to court with me every day. I did teach him to be independent and he is especially ambitious.
He graduates in May and then he's gone. He will keep busy.
I do have a little girl and we always have pets but no other family. I wonder if anyone else is in quite the same position.
Really lots of people are. It can be almost like a switch being pulled. The kid is excited, the big wide world awaits and the parent mourns the real loss of his/her child.
It's a big life change for you. You aren't really needed by this child any more - and that's because you did your job right and guided him to his independence.
It's generally harder on single parents but often married parents have kind of grown apart, everything was centered on children and they may wonder what they have in common otherwise.
I think you have to almost go through a grieving process - just like all the many other parents who found themselves more and more alone because they put so much into raising their kids, or the parents who find themselves alone with someone they no longer remember being alone with.
You will of course miss him...but look at it as an opportunity to spend time focusing on your daughter...sometimes the younger child can take the backseat for awhile with all the focus on making college choices etc.
Ocean - I am in the same boat. I am a single mom and my son is an only child. He will be a senior in high school this year. I am preparing but dreading him leaving for college! I am so happy and excited for him but I know my time with him is now limited....last first day of school together, last Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. with him at home, last rugby games together, last going out to eat at the last minute, last late night talks, etc..... I have been so lucky to have a great relationship with him and I know I will miss him terribly! Good luck to you and I hope we both have a great 'last' year with our sons!
I have a good decade left, but my kids are with me 24/7, yap yap yap about stuff I'm not intersted in (but I do try), with special needs and I end up trying to find time to myself more often lately. I feel like I need a break so bad and am also attempting to teach them some independence. My boys are very DEpendent, and its not good as they approach the teen years.
I always think about how one day they won't be around anymore and I'll miss my time with them and probably forget about all the annoying stuff I go thru now (thats human nature). Its hard though.
In my boys' case they really don't "do" anything physical. They are homebodys. Their interest are tv, movies, and video games, and reading. Not alot for a outdoorsy, active dad to do with em. I do get them to go out and play sometimes and do stuff with me but more often then not they get bored in a few minutes or are clearly just humoring the old guy until they can go back inside.
I have a full life here - been elected to the school board and am President of the Bar ( attys lol) association. That doesn't mean I don't have room to feel a bit empty.
As they say, parenting is the only job in which, if you do it right, there's planned obsolescence.
Actually, that's not quite true, though. As a parent of two adult children as well as two still at home, I find that there's a sheer joy in seeing the women my older girls have become. It's that point at which you realize you'd want them as friends even if you hadn't birthed them yourself. It's a grand experience, even if sometimes you miss the children they used to be.
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