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If these boys are 7 and 8 they should know better than to wander off, especially if you just discussed it with them.
I have always steered clear of the spanking as I don't really see it to be very effective in the long term. What I would do is take away something prized by the boys for a week or a couple of days. Explain to them that because they wandered off and could have been kidnapped or hurt, they are going to lose a favorite toy/game/computer/tv show-you get the picture, for a week/couple of days. When you give it back to them, remind them of why it was taken in the first place and if they wander off again, it will be taken away longer.
It is tough when the kids don't view you as a disciplinarian(sp?). They need to know that when they don't listen there will be consequences. Eventually they will get it. Hang in there
Being the mother of an 9 yr old (girl/boy-they are still at THAT age)
We take away valuable items that are the "cant live without" items for a time period and explain why and when they will get it back. Spanking is a little late right now. Good luck-this is a tough age. I KNOW,.,.
I agree with removal of prized item and leaving them when taking the 4 year old somewhere fun. But in addition I'd separate them NOW and have as part of their consequence not playing with each other. They are egging each other on and cannot be trusted together. If they sleep in the same room do not allow that tonight if possible.
Here is what I'd do. I'd fine a chore for each to do.... seperate from the other. Something totally gross.... washing the trashcan, scrubbing the toilets, something along those lines. That would be for tonight. then tomorrow, I'd take the 4 yo to an activity the older ones would enjoy. (transformers anyone?) When they protest, say something along the lines of "Well, little Jimmy won't wander off at the theater, so he can go" then turn and walk away. 'nuff said.
Even better, since I do agree that swats need to happen MUCH SOONER after the transgression. BUT, instead of doing something around the house make them do something to help others. One time a friends kid that I watched regularly and my own decided it was okay to tear up something and leave the "trash" all over the backyard. Their punishment: each got a pair of gloves and a LARGE black trash bag. Pick up the mess in our backyard then lets head out front. They had to go for TWO BLOCKS cleaning up every single yard. I live in a nice fairly new neighborhood but there is still always going to be some "trash" to pick up that blows around. They were "grossed out" by the second house but I made them keep going. Any teeny tiny piece of paper I saw they had to pick up and it did not matter if it was up in the flower beds. They had to get EVERYTHING including the dead flowers that were not coming back!
Find something they can do in the area to serve others and instead of trips to the store take them to do this instead. They are not too young to be out helping senior citizens or widow ladies do some yard work, clean out flower beds, clean their windows, change the batteries in their smoke detectors, etc.
Thanks for all of the advice guys...and sorry if I offended anyone with my activist/sicko disclaimer...I have had, shall we say "questionable", replies to some of my questions on other blogs. I'm new here, but you all seem reputable enough, so thanks again.
Anywho...after about 30 minutes or so of corner time, I had just about talked myself out of the swats in favor of locking down the bikes for the weekend. However, when I went in my son's room to find my son and "his uncle" (we kid about that around here:-) sitting in the floor laughing it up and playing x-box!...yep, you heard me...kinda shot the plan.
I told them that they were losing the bikes through Sunday for wandering off at the store and that since they had chosen to laugh, cut up and disobey my instructions to stand in the corner quietly, they would also be getting spanked.
That stopped the disrespectful laughter pretty quickly and the tone in the room turned much more serious...like flipping a light switch! I expected a real scene, but surprisingly, they both minded really well and didn't give me much of a hard time at all. I gave 'em both 3 pretty good swats over my lap, through their shorts...which actually seemed kinda mild to me, but I noticed my brother was holding his bottom with both hands a couple minutes later, so I guess they at least felt it.
No crying or anything, but they seem to have gotten the message...at least for now. Things are much more orderly in the house already....I couldn't help but notice an instruction to set the table was followed by my son without having to say it twice a little while later. I did get the "can we have our bikes tomorrow" question from them both collectively a minute ago and said "no", which seemed to surprise them for some reason.
I'm sure i'll post again...hopefully, under more pleasant circumstances. Good night all!
I haven't read everyone's reponse. Make them wait. Make the entire house quiet and make it linger, which is torture in of itself. Then write down some of the worst things they would hate to have to do, that would take sometime. Then sit them and make each choice one back and forth, or draw them from a hat.
Make them work all day, threaten it as, "You will be punished until bedtime." and play up the fact like you're going to make them do some chore after supper, but do not make any hit at what this "punishment" will be. Then after dinner, tell them that they are now done with working. After that, when they think they are finally off the hook and actually got off easier than they thought they would, reward that four year old that stayed in sight and send the other two to their room for time to think about what they did.
You can take their privilages away but that did nothing for me, because I always had something else. I sure did make it look like I cared. Taking away all fun and making me work it off in manual labor sure did the trick though.
We have three kids, 7, 5, and 3. We had an issue with the younger two throwing all their clothes out of their dressers. Then of course the cats would be walking and sleeping on them, along with the kids walking all over them, by the time I figured out what was going on (often I was homeschooling my oldest.) I took the dressers and put them in our daughters room, where all three decided to keep it up. It infuriated us because we both detest washing clothes. So we made them wash clothes. 5 or 6 loads of clothes takes most of the day, when you factor how long the kids drag out picking the clothes up off the floor to begin with. I taught all three how to wash, dry, and fold their clothes (at the time they were, 6, 4, and 2). They did that twice. Now only the dirty clothes end up on the floor, but its the same punishment, if they are in the basket, I wash them, if not, the kid whose clothes are on the floor gets to.
Another thing I always do it make sure the older sibling(s) knows the example they are giving to their younger sibling(s) and that they are responsible for helping make sure the example they set is a safe one for the the one looking up to them. I make sure that we talk about this often and they take it very seriously, especially our seven year old. When I ask what was wrong with something she did, which is rare to begin with, she always starts off with, "I set a bad example for X little brother. If they copied me, they could get hurt or be in danger." Then after that, they mention the danger they put themselves into, always putting the little ones first.
Even better, since I do agree that swats need to happen MUCH SOONER after the transgression. BUT, instead of doing something around the house make them do something to help others. One time a friends kid that I watched regularly and my own decided it was okay to tear up something and leave the "trash" all over the backyard. Their punishment: each got a pair of gloves and a LARGE black trash bag. Pick up the mess in our backyard then lets head out front. They had to go for TWO BLOCKS cleaning up every single yard. I live in a nice fairly new neighborhood but there is still always going to be some "trash" to pick up that blows around. They were "grossed out" by the second house but I made them keep going. Any teeny tiny piece of paper I saw they had to pick up and it did not matter if it was up in the flower beds. They had to get EVERYTHING including the dead flowers that were not coming back!
Find something they can do in the area to serve others and instead of trips to the store take them to do this instead. They are not too young to be out helping senior citizens or widow ladies do some yard work, clean out flower beds, clean their windows, change the batteries in their smoke detectors, etc.
Reminds me of this last weekend! We were at an event and my middle kid threw someone elses squashed and littered pop can into the river. Its a big and swift river with a steep bank (but short). He was terrified of the river and I made him go down and get it, which had stopped at an over hanging tree, with me clinging to his arm just in case. Then he had to pick up all the 4th of July garbage he could see.
They drive me crazy about pointing out everyone elses litter so I always say, very annoyed, "Well pick it up when you see it! If one human litters, it doesn't matter, we are a species littering and, as sad as it is, we do have to help the earth by taking responsibility for our species, not just ourselves."
I thought you guys might find this cute and a lighter way to end the evening...
When our 4-year-old was heading to bed a little while ago, he came in here to hug me and said rather matter-of-factly "I stayed with you at the store, didn't I."... (as if to say: "hint, hint!")
It occurred to me that he'd been in the car and house with all of this punishing going on and not even an "atta boy" from me for his very good behavior. I felt kinda bad about that...gave him a big hug and told him he'd be getting a new toy tomorrow as a reward....those terms seemed acceptable to him.
The other two were chatting in bed a little while ago and I told them it was time to be quiet and go to sleep....gave 'em both big hugs too and there was no apparant attitude...I haven't heard a peep in there since! May all change tomorrow, but for tonight...i'm very surprised by the one-eighty...we'll see how a weekend with no bikes goes...standing firm here!
Good for you jbar, now they know YOU mean Business. yep a few swats on the tushka after you said you were going to spank( ya know it isn't so much about causing 'pain', it is a attention getter, kind of a submissive issue- I know some of you understand what I am not explaining very well)
and stick to the NO bikes ruling.
THIS is how to parent- IMHO-Explain the 'rules' and you have to do a lot of reminding follow thru on the what the consequence will be for direct 'mis' behavior! No wavering, no second guess- just do it!
Those boys will know you really care about them and their well being and safety, even if you have to use a spanking sometime or take something away for a while. I really don't think kids have a true respect for parents that do not attempt to correct them as warranted.
Crazyma gives ya a thumbs up....
especially cool you took time to think it through a bit and did not react too quick out of anger... that where discipline and abuse differ in my book.
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Thanks all!
Update
...kinda shot the plan.
(as if to say: "hint, hint!")
follow thru on the what the consequence will be for direct 'mis' behavior! No wavering, no second guess- just do it!
