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What makes me sad is when the next door neighbor stands in his driveway and kicks a ball against the stairs. He's all alone and can't even go out for a bike ride. He stands there alone and dribbles the ball and shoots free throws for hours.
This is creating a whole wave of anti-socials.
Or maybe that's his thing. Maybe he likes basketball and his friends don't. Who knows?
I was a loner. When your peers tease you and don't like you and you move around alot, it can happen.
Its to easy to label something without knowing the entire story
Wow, there are a lot of strong differences in opinion here. While I think there are lots of problems with the situation described by the OP, I don't think that those necessarily have much bearing on the general situation of parents letting their kids play outside alone. My son is still a toddler, but I plan on giving him increasing amounts of independence as appropriate (along with rules); by the time he is in junior high he will be allowed to travel around the city by himself on public transportation, and by the time he's in high school I'll expect him to know how to - and be willing to do so - get places on his own on a regular basis.
And no, there aren't differences between molestors and other assorted bad guys now and in the past. Read the newspapers from 100 years ago and that becomes quite clear. I think it's more an issue of how things are reported now, and how people choose to respond to it. I read some interesting things recently about how even in areas where crime has gone down dramatically over the past few decades, fear of crime has gone up. I think this is dangerous - fear that leads to sensible precautions is a good thing, but an overblown fear that leads to a reduced quality of life (which excessive restrictions on young people, especially teenagers, does, in my opinion) is a bad thing for both the parents and the children, and - dare I say - society as a whole.
My kids are 11 and 9 and I let them go places without me, but they just don't go out for the day or anything. They walk or bike to day camp, and school, and friend's houses. The oldest can go to the library himself. But we don't have the kind of neighborhood where I would just send them "out" to play.
However, if they have friends over or whatever, I pretty much leave them to their own devices as far as what they want to do with their time. So if they go outside or ride around the block or something I don't follow them around. Of course I keep an eye/ear out for what's going on.
As to the OP's situation though, a kid hovering around univited needs to be leveled with - if its not hang out time at your house - get a move on.
uptown urbanist -
I disagree - look at how society has become - more and more sick things have become commonplace or just ignored - because of broken families and an antyhing goes mentality there are a lot more molesters acting on their thoughts and getting a slap on the wrist - more and more porn then can sseeon the internet which spurs them on - I am telling you - if a child was raped back in the day - the entire neighborhood would beat the crap out of the pervert and chase his ass out of town. Nowadays even monsters have "rights" and get therapy which is a load of crap.
My kids are grown now but when they were that age I would tell them I would call them when it was time to come in... Sometimes it would be two of three days before I would call them..
Our children never do anything alone, except going to the bathroom, so playing completely alone was never an issue. However they have been playing outside with just other kids pretty much since they could talk and understand rules.
It really depends on where you live too. Where we live now, the rule is "Do not leave the island" That gives them about 20 square miles to play ride bikes explore the woods, etc. When we lived in the City the rule was "do not leave the back yard." The gate was padlocked anyway so they really did not have a choice. Not a lot of difference between a fenced in back yard and being inside the house, except that you do not have a roof or windows in the back yard. They could play in the front yard, but only if we were outside with them. When the oldest got to be 13 or 14, we let them walk together to the movie store as long as they carried a 2 way radio with them and took the dog. (No one went anywhere near them with the dog. He was over 6' tall staning on his back paws and weighed in at 175 or so.
I have 3 grown children who grew up in a small city. They played outside all the time with their friends. They did stay on our block unless we knew where they were going and with whom.
We also have a 6 year old and we don't let him play outside by himself ever. We also live in the city now and it just isn't safe.
However, I would not ever let my kids just roam. Parents need to know where their kids are...it is a safety issue.
Mine can go out front or to his next door friends. I can look down from window and cook dinner and he can play. I bust him all the time. He gets too close to the road and I nail them.
In fact, the kids were out and found a bone that they swore was the remainder of a human body. They were all hunched over looking for the remains in the front yard. There were three 7 year olds and a 5 year old and they are all hunched over looking for clues. I can look out the window to remind them that there are no clues next to the road or over to the side of the building.
Now, he cannot take off down the street or go anywhere else. He has friends at 3 places but he has to tell me where he is.
Wow, there are a lot of strong differences in opinion here. While I think there are lots of problems with the situation described by the OP, I don't think that those necessarily have much bearing on the general situation of parents letting their kids play outside alone. My son is still a toddler, but I plan on giving him increasing amounts of independence as appropriate (along with rules); by the time he is in junior high he will be allowed to travel around the city by himself on public transportation, and by the time he's in high school I'll expect him to know how to - and be willing to do so - get places on his own on a regular basis.
And no, there aren't differences between molestors and other assorted bad guys now and in the past. Read the newspapers from 100 years ago and that becomes quite clear. I think it's more an issue of how things are reported now, and how people choose to respond to it. I read some interesting things recently about how even in areas where crime has gone down dramatically over the past few decades, fear of crime has gone up. I think this is dangerous - fear that leads to sensible precautions is a good thing, but an overblown fear that leads to a reduced quality of life (which excessive restrictions on young people, especially teenagers, does, in my opinion) is a bad thing for both the parents and the children, and - dare I say - society as a whole.
Maybe. I'd feel better giving that sort of freedom when my son is physically strong enough to defend himself against an adult sized person.
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