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And this is the phrase I hear all the time that makes me cringe because it is offensive and so untrue. Not all kids are doing it. As a teen, I wasn't doing it, my husband wasn't doing it, my cousins weren't doing it, and my nieces and nephews aren't doing it. And yes, I'm the cool aunt they come to for advice on serious matters so I know what they have wrestled with. All of us were popular teens (I was a child actor and my niece is a model) so we've had plenty of opportunities, peer pressure and temptations.
The problem with the education component is that we are not focusing on the factors that have led many teens to choose to wait. How did the parents instill self-esteem and self-respect? Do they have goals? What has led them to wait? Nobody bothers to "research" what has led these teens to make the choice to wait because of people who assume everybody is doing it. I also think that we can't expect the schools or the government to do what parents should start at home. I don't know how my mother did it, but she was forthright about everything and yet her honesty didn't condone or encourage "experimenting."
I have to completely agree with this! I don't like it when people say "they are going to have sex,regardless". I too was not having sex as a teen nor were my siblings or pretty much my entire group of friends in high school.
I also know that my nieces and nephews are not as it has been an open topic of conversation because my husband and I are also considered to be the "cool aunt & uncle",not sure why but it is nice that they have that comfort level with us.
I certainly am not going to point fingers at anyone because I have no idea what will happen with my children as they get older,I know that I would hope that they are being raised with enough self-confidence to know that it really doesn't matter if you are not going along with "in crowd" because in the end,those people will not end up being your lifetime friends.
I hope that my children know that they are special because they are who they are and that they don't need to prove anything to anyone,and especially not with sex.!
I think that we as parents need to stress to our children how important it is that they stay true to who they are and not give in-to anyone.
That if someone doesn't want to be your friend/girlfriend/boyfriend,then because of a sexual issue,then they were never that important to begin with and that (our children) are more important as an individual....
I plan to get my kids to get into really nerdy hobbies like I was. I played dungeons and dragons, built computers, and was into old sci-fi movies. No girl would even give me the time of day back then, so that worked for me.
Obviously, the idea of waiting until marriage to have sex is NOT working. It's not just the children born out of wedlock. STDs are rampant in MS and until straight- forward sex education with a realistic approach is incorporated into the educational system (beginning a lot earlier than most people want to think necessary) our children will continue to behave irresponsibly and suffer the consequences , in some cases, for the rest of their lives. Unoffically and often so misleadingly, " sex education" is starting in grammer school. Parents, if you don't address this with your children before their friends and classmates do, you may be shocked when you discover just how "educated" they are once you decide they're ready for "that talk". We MUST get our heads out of the sand and accept reality. Middle school kids probably could teach their parents a few things. Kids need the blunt truth about actions and consequences. These "pledges of virginity" are the LAST things on their minds when the hormones kick-in. If you think otherwise, you're deluding yourself.
I agree with everything you're saying except for the part where you said waiting until you're married to have sex is NOT Working. I highly disagree with that because I'm 21 years old and walking in purity is working wonders for my emotional, physical, and spiritual well being. I know alot of young people who are walking in purity as well so I can assure that waiting until you're married to have sex does work and it will be worth the wait . The world may not agree that it's possible to wait until you're married to have sex but I'm not like the rest of the world. But everything else you said was on point though. We have to start teaching our children about sex before their friends do.
I agree with everything you're saying except for the part where you said waiting until you're married to have sex is NOT Working. I highly disagree with that because I'm 21 years old and walking in purity is working wonders for my emotional, physical, and spiritual well being. I know alot of young people who are walking in purity as well so I can assure that waiting until you're married to have sex does work and it will be worth the wait . The world may not agree that it's possible to wait until you're married to have sex but I'm not like the rest of the world. But everything else you said was on point though. We have to start teaching our children about sex before their friends do.
As another 21 year old, having sex does wonders for MY emotional, physical, and spiritual well being. In fact, not waiting has saved me from a relationship where there was no sexual chemistry. Had I waited, I most likely would have ended up married in a sexless relationship. Are you willing to take that risk?
Thank goodness my parents taught me about sex before my friends did or else I might have been similarly misguided.
And this is the phrase I hear all the time that makes me cringe because it is offensive and so untrue.
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I have to completely agree with this! I don't like it when people say "they are going to have sex,regardless". I too was not having sex as a teen nor were my siblings or pretty much my entire group of friends in high school.
Well, I was having sex as a teen, and so was everybody else I knew (hey, it was the late 80s/early 90s ).
And I was going to do it regardless.
I guess that's why some people say it.
Because in their personal experience, it couldn't be truer.
Perhaps they should amend the categorical "They're going to have sex regardless" to "Some of them are going to have sex regardless."
Perhaps that would be less "offensive".
As another 21 year old, having sex does wonders for MY emotional, physical, and spiritual well being. In fact, not waiting has saved me from a relationship where there was no sexual chemistry. Had I waited, I most likely would have ended up married in a sexless relationship. Are you willing to take that risk?
Thank goodness my parents taught me about sex before my friends did or else I might have been similarly misguided.
I can assure you I have not been misguided in my decisions but I have a family who loved me enough to teach me the value of patience which I am reaping the rewards of now and will continue to reap the rewards when I get married. Why in the world would I want to be like you and give the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with used goods? Waiting has saved me from unneccessary emotional, physical and spirtual baggage. I know that when I'm married to the man God has chosen for me, the sex will be better than the cheap imitation you are experiencing now. He doesn't have to worry about me comparing him to previous lovers. I will be able to give him ALL of me.
Thank goodness my parents taught me the REAL meaning of sex before I listened to people like you, or else I'd be similarly misguided and foolish.
No reason.
But by the same token, why would we want to be like you? I think it's best if everyone's like themselves. That's why I never proselytize, and avoid those who do.
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...and give the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with used goods?
Well, see, there are those of us who don't consider our bodies merchandise.
Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks, right?
Well lets look at this more objectively. When my grandmother was a teen, it was very acceptable to get married as young as 14 and to begin having children at that age. It has only been a couple generations that we have changed that to unacceptable, mostly since the woman's rights movements and feminism activists fighting to expel that thought of growing up to only bare children and to replace it with preparing for the work force. The very ideals about family have changed, not to promote it, but to prevent it as long as possible. There are many who believe now that you shouldn't get married under the age of 25 or start thinking about kids until the late 20's to 30's.
I am not saying that teens should grow up believing that it is exceptable to be having children at such young ages simply for he medical dangers. But the issue here is that we have changed our mindsets, not our hormones or feelings, and we simply expect our teens to go against a clock that is ticking away all on its own inside their bodies. While the mindset has changed, the taboo of talking with our children about sex is still there. Many think if you have one conversation to prepare them for bodily changes just before they happen, that is all they need. Rather, if parents were talking with their children as soon as they are old enough to start asking questions and not shoo-shoo if off until they are older, they would find that they are opening a door to open dialogue later, making it a lot less uncomfortable when they have questions as teens and making them the person to go to for honest answers. We teach our kids about good/bad touch, drugs, drinking, ect starting in kindergarten but the most life alterning decision they could ever make is avoided for religious or otherwise taboo reasons.
I dont believe it matters much which method of not getting pregnant you teach your children, as long as the message, the dangers and responsibilites, are driven home.
It just depends really but 95% of teens are not ready to be parents now days and it can also showup later has they get older and realise that they really missed be a carefree teen. It was different years ago when people got married as it was not for most a carefree teen years. They got married to start building a life and had nbo other support from parents. I know some that succeed but the grandparents also seem to be sometimes too involved running the show really. IMO this can have a negative effect later on when they are on thier own.Being too dependent on grand parents seems noramol how days and I have sen what happens once they are gone many times.
[quote=Jane72;9216320]No reason.
But by the same token, why would we want to be like you?
But by the same token what respectable person would want to follow the path you're own? EWWWWWWW
I think it's best if everyone's like themselves.
I couldn't agree more. I hear people say "well 90% of the world is having sex outside of marriage". But just because 90% of the world is doing something doesn't make it ok and it doesn't mean I have to follow in the footsteps of the likes of you. So instead of being apart of that 90% that follows along with what everyone else is doing, I'm going to dare to be different and wait. Like my family always told me 'Patience is a virtue". But you wouldn't know anything about that now would you? Unlike you I choose not to let my hormones get in the way of my good judgement.
Well, see, there are those of us who don't consider our bodies merchandise.
Exactly, I don't conisder my body as merchandise to be passed around from person to person. My body is priceless and only one man is worthy of experiencing it and when he does, it will be just like unwrapping a gift on Christmas morning. But the gift I'm going to give my future husband will never lose its value and the magic of experiencing it will never die. But unfortunately by the time you get married there will be nothing left for your spouse to experience except leftovers. Yuck.
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but it is nice that they have that comfort level with us.
).
