Custody battle, should the 12 year old kids have any say?

[AlaskaErik]

Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler

The half custody would be six months at the fathers house and six months at the mothers house. Though never for more than a few days at a time. They only live a mile apart.

The single mom across the street from me has the same arrangement. The two girls flip flop between homes every week, on Friday. That would have driven me crazy. From 14 to 18 I only spent the night at my mother's once.

[Pansori]

Originally Posted by charz

I remember that we children were taken to the judge's chamber where he asked who we wanted to live with. We were 13, 11, and 7. We had all agreed that we would not be separated and we agreed that we would choose to live with mom. Of course, I also remember dad calling that night and screaming that it was all my fault that he had lost custody. Despite that, I believe that children should have a say. It would have been a disaster if we had been sent to my dad's house to live.

This happened with my husband, in a way. My husband was asked who he wanted to live with and he replied with his dad. To this day his mother swears that my husband's father had my husband "testify against her".

[BostonMike7]

Originally Posted by jimboburnsy

I think it would be an enormous parenting mistake to drag the kids into an adult legal dispute with the intention of asking them to "choose". If dad has a case and the judge agrees, it's too much to hand the kids a tie-breaking vote.

I know of one case where one parent dragged the kids into a custody issue that went on for the better part of 2 years. The kids were older, and it got to the point where the kids met with a "friend of the court" on a few occasions and were almost dragged into court to testify.


It ruined the relationship the two children had with each other because each child blamed the other parent. They've since aged out of the system, but the animosity that didn't exist before the last round of court still lingers. Very sad.


My advice is to never involve the children, and never air your dirty laundry towards the other parent in front of them.

[emm74]

Originally Posted by Linda bender

My grandson is 12 yrs old his mother passed away last she had been living with a guy(not father of granson) for 7 yrs when she passed she signed temporary guardianship to this guy because she had a child with him and did not want to seperate the boy. 12 yr old did not want to live with him but his mother would not hear of it he wanted to live with us(grandparents) butvshe refused there are alot of stuff going on with him and theboyfriend metally and physical abuse what can we do about it? He wantsto talk to a judge and explain to him and ask ig he can live with us what can we do?

Linda, you should ask a moderator to split this off into its own thread - while it's a related question, as you can see, people don't always read all the way through, and are responding to the original 7 year old post and not your question.

You should talk to a lawyer to find out what you can do. Some states give more weight to grandparents than others. You may be able to at least get some visitation rights even if not outright custody.

If you can't afford a lawyer, see if there is a law school in your area that has a legal clinic that can help you - students are supervised by professors who make sure that they are giving high quality and accurate advice.