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Before taking any overt action, check and see if he has Asperger's Syndrome. (Google it and self-diagnose. The symptoms will jump out at you, if he has them.) Many Asperger children are very bright, and can sail through on their wits alone, but are not and never will be "good students" in terms of displaying good study habits and discipline. If he has Aspergers, there is a good chance that he will make it all his llife on his wits alone, and will be relatively contented in the course he follows, but will always march to different drummers.
lol, how totally ironic on the timing of this thread!!! My 14yr old has been in honors classes and has maintained a 4.0+ forever. Only one time has she ever gotten a B and it was a progress report, back up to an A by report card time.
Well.....the other day she comes to me JUST before her bus get here and says "Here Mom, you need to sign this, I forgot all about it last night!" and hands me a sheet her teacher sent home stating she has dropped to a C!!!! in this class!!! I was livid! So I said I wanted to see report sheets from ALL her classes, and she says "OH, Im getting As in everyting else, you dont need to get those sheets!" So I told her Oh Yes I do!!! and that she was grounded til I got em all. So i get home from work, she looks at me and bursts into tears....uh oh. Nothing drastic, but she is getting very low Bs in every single class! her highest was a 84.6%!!! Grant you, thats down from a 106.0%!!! HUGE difference! So after all the drama, it turns out, she figured since she was above a 100.% in pretty much every class, she could slack off and just read or chat instead of working!!! She tried the Poor little Me act...the "Im just as devistated as you are...the "Sure, go ahead, BEAT me, I deserve it!!! ....and the "I was terrified to tell you because I was so so so scared of what you would do to me!!" (this from a kid who hasnt been even swatted since she was 3!
So, for her, no more reading for pleasure, no extra after school activities, and worst of all, if they dont come up, we're cancelling her trip to Bend w/her best friend to my moms house this June.
The only thing that saved this child was that she admitted that these grades have dropped because she was just being lazy and wanted to pleasure read instead of work...she knew what was happening, but chose to ignore it...sigh....
We shall see......since entering teenhood, she has become VERY lazy and will do the least amount possible at all times. I struggle not to shake her on a daily basis. sigh....gimmie the terrible 2s over this crap anyday!!!
So, for all who are also going through this, I totally sympathize and if you wanna dm and vent, go for it.
I had a similar discussion with a friend two nights ago, her son just doesn't "do" homework, but he's getting great grades on tests. He's in AP classes too.
my whole thing here, is that i noticed you said the teachers were not helping
well in that case tell them they get no help from you either, it doesnt matter what grade he is in, the teachers have a responcibility to help out in any way they can, and if that means letting the parent know what assignments are due, so be it my one brother is a senior in high school and my mother still gets all his assignments from contact with his teachers at times, so dont let them fool you
my whole thing here, is that i noticed you said the teachers were not helping
well in that case tell them they get no help from you either, it doesnt matter what grade he is in, the teachers have a responcibility to help out in any way they can, and if that means letting the parent know what assignments are due, so be it my one brother is a senior in high school and my mother still gets all his assignments from contact with his teachers at times, so dont let them fool you
I SOOO disagree with this, in so many ways.
The teachers do not have the responsibility of babysitting him.....which at 15, is what it is. It's not that he's failing academics because he's not getting it, and needs assistance in that matter.
From what I have gathered, and OP please correct me if I am wrong, he's either not copying the assignments, or just not doing them, or just not handing them in, or handing them in late.
The teachers cannot hold his hand on this. He has to learn this responsibility. As for this, he KNOWS what he has to do, and isn't doing it. Heck, in 2-3 years he will either be in college or in the work force..........and could you imagine him then? No one's going to help him there. No college professor will respond to a mother's email.
The mother, as she is trying to do so, has to find a way to nip this, and to make her son realize he better do what is expected.
The teachers tell him. They set the expectations. This is out of their hands.
I am a teacher, of elementary school, and we get the same kids, except for at this level, we do hold their hand, and give leeway. Middle school gives less leeway........but highschool, forget it. They're preparing you for the real world, and the real world doesn't hold anybody's hand.
As I also stated in this post, I am the mother of a boy who has the same problem. Not once did I expect any of the teachers to have to make my son do what was his responsibility.
I took care of it at home, using some of the measures I posted. I am very happy to say that not once yet (fingers crossed) this year has my son turned in anything late, or not missed anything. I guess he hated the consequences enough he stepped up!
Last edited by Mrs.Bewitched; 01-17-2009 at 04:47 AM..
I have a 15 year old that is in honor classes. He is extremely bright and lazy. He transferred from another state that is known for bad schools and was able to glide through with little or no effort.
This year though it is hard and he can't glide through. He keeps trying though instead of studying and doing homework. He went from a straight A's to C's. He gets 0's for assignments but 90-100 on tests/quizzes. He is finding out that this is backfiring on him as they grade evenly between homework and tests. We have put our foot down and make him sit at the table for an hour a day. He has the choice to stare at the wall or do his homework. He seems to have been doing better the last few weeks and then I logged in this morning to see his final grades. He was maintaining an A this last quarter and got an A on his final exam however he didn't do a major project and his final grade is C. I am livid. I emailed the teacher to be sure this was accurate and she said that she warned him it was a major grade percentage over his final grade but that he chose to take a zero for it instead.
He isn't home yet and I am trying to think of what to say or how to punish. I don't like grounding he will just sit there and pout at everyone and make my other 2 kids miserable by lashing out at them.
What can I do? I am so frustrated with him laziness! He is so arrogant and thinks he can glide through this! Suggestions?
if he has a cell phone or other device start by taking them away from him, allowance? ditch that too. these are just some of the things that come to mind in the era of computers and all the devices available to kids these days.
The teachers do not have the responsibility of babysitting him.....which at 15, is what it is. It's not that he's failing academics because he's not getting it, and needs assistance in that matter.
From what I have gathered, and OP please correct me if I am wrong, he's either not copying the assignments, or just not doing them, or just not handing them in, or handing them in late.
The teachers cannot hold his hand on this. He has to learn this responsibility. As for this, he KNOWS what he has to do, and isn't doing it. Heck, in 2-3 years he will either be in college or in the work force..........and could you imagine him then? No one's going to help him there. No college professor will respond to a mother's email.
The mother, as she is trying to do so, has to find a way to nip this, and to make her son realize he better do what is expected.
The teachers tell him. They set the expectations. This is out of their hands.
I am a teacher, of elementary school, and we get the same kids, except for at this level, we do hold their hand, and give leeway. Middle school gives less leeway........but highschool, forget it. They're preparing you for the real world, and the real world doesn't hold anybody's hand.
As I also stated in this post, I am the mother of a boy who has the same problem. Not once did I expect any of the teachers to have to make my son do what was his responsibility.
I took care of it at home, using some of the measures I posted. I am very happy to say that not once yet (fingers crossed) this year has my son turned in anything late, or not missed anything. I guess he hated the consequences enough he stepped up!
Completely agree... The teacher who has to take extra time to parent your kid, can't give my kid (or any other) the attention she needs.
School is for learning, not parenting.
Last edited by cabolissa; 01-19-2009 at 12:54 PM..
I have a 15 year old that is in honor classes. He is extremely bright and lazy. He transferred from another state that is known for bad schools and was able to glide through with little or no effort.
This year though it is hard and he can't glide through. He keeps trying though instead of studying and doing homework. He went from a straight A's to C's. He gets 0's for assignments but 90-100 on tests/quizzes. He is finding out that this is backfiring on him as they grade evenly between homework and tests. We have put our foot down and make him sit at the table for an hour a day. He has the choice to stare at the wall or do his homework. He seems to have been doing better the last few weeks and then I logged in this morning to see his final grades. He was maintaining an A this last quarter and got an A on his final exam however he didn't do a major project and his final grade is C. I am livid. I emailed the teacher to be sure this was accurate and she said that she warned him it was a major grade percentage over his final grade but that he chose to take a zero for it instead.
He isn't home yet and I am trying to think of what to say or how to punish. I don't like grounding he will just sit there and pout at everyone and make my other 2 kids miserable by lashing out at them.
What can I do? I am so frustrated with him laziness! He is so arrogant and thinks he can glide through this! Suggestions?
heh, sounds like my twin. Without any doubt it's the teachers. I know what I'm saying when I say a boring class ruins grades . If you think he's depressed, it could be a lack of confidence. just make him take an IQ test or something if you believe that's the case. if not, it's really a bit complicated. one of the reasons i have poor grades is because i see no point in doing homework in general. I'm learning so little from my classes right now, it seems to me assignments simply aren't worth doing to get the benefit that comes after. the best advice i can give you is to try moving him to harder classes for a bit, or finding some other motive. honestly (although i didn't enjoy it) a consequence will help, but not for the right reason. iv'e found that it did motivate me, but only so I could avoid the consequence. what you should really do (if not done already) is stress the importance of the outcome of doing assignments. If you have done this and failed, a consequence is the only answer, other than psychiactric analasys. a footnote to psychiatry, unless you want to spend an insane amount of money on pills, i don't reccomend this. It will help you and your kid understand what's wrong, but most likely wont solve the problem. the point is there is no easy answer to this. if your kid is truly smart, he will find a way to succeed later in life. don't freak out about one bad grade, personally that un-motivated me from doing anything in general.
Last edited by idkwhattonamemyself; 01-19-2009 at 01:19 PM..
In "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Mechanics", Robert Persig described the day his young son asked "Dad, what do you want me to be when I grow up" Persig thought for a moment and replied "Honest".
If you agree with this sentiment, you have to start now, and separate character from all other human attributes, and give it your top priority. That means, when you play the punishment card, make sure it is for something important. Good grades are not nearly as important as the other things that your child will absorb from your parenting tactics. Bad grades, disobedience, insolence---don't get out the big guns. Just let the kid know that he has lost, at lest for the m oment, the respect of the person whose respect he values most of all. Save punishment for immoral behavior. (But first, make sure that you understand that "moral" is not the same thing as obedient or politically correct or reverent.)
I have a 15 year old. He was doing terrible in school and didn't seem to give a dam. So we grounded him until his grades came up which was 2 1/2 months. He has to do his homewrok at the dinner table now and we review all his assignments to make sure he did them and correctly.
The avergae amount of time spent on howework every night is 3 hours.
He just passed this semesters classes.
Not sure if your techers use the tool, but here you can go toteacherweb.com and find that teacher and they post the assignments on the site. You can then make sure you student is doing what they are supposed to.
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. If you think he's depressed, it could be a lack of confidence. just make him take an IQ test or something if you believe that's the case. if not, it's really a bit complicated. one of the reasons i have poor grades is because i see no point in doing homework in general. I'm learning so little from my classes right now, it seems to me assignments simply aren't worth doing to get the benefit that comes after. the best advice i can give you is to try moving him to harder classes for a bit, or finding some other motive. honestly (although i didn't enjoy it) a consequence will help, but not for the right reason. iv'e found that it did motivate me, but only so I could avoid the consequence. what you should really do (if not done already) is stress the importance of the outcome of doing assignments. If you have done this and failed, a consequence is the only answer, other than psychiactric analasys. a footnote to psychiatry, unless you want to spend an insane amount of money on pills, i don't reccomend this. It will help you and your kid understand what's wrong, but most likely wont solve the problem. the point is there is no easy answer to this. if your kid is truly smart, he will find a way to succeed later in life. don't freak out about one bad grade, personally that un-motivated me from doing anything in general.
