Disobedience, Low Grades & the runarounds (punishment, diabetes, spanking, single mom)
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I agree with Wcat on the private schools lacking in specialized areas. My kids- 6 year old twins and a 10 year old with ADHD attended private school until this school year,they are now in public school. There are advantages of private school, but the one we went to had no programs or special resources for ADHD kids-where as the public school does, I also found that the private school seemed to have more of an attitude of "that type of behavior is not accepted here".
I would also suggest meeting with the teacher and letting him/her know that you want to resolve the issues (be aggressive) you need to let your daughter know that you and the teacher are a united force - may sound silly, but maybe if she knows that you are going to be told about everything she does while at school-she may find it more difficult to continue with her behavior. Best of luck to you!
Jules mentioned NISD's Parent Connection, an extremely useful tool in tracking your child's grades! We use it all the time, and have notifications set if our sons' grades drop below a setting we pick.
I give my boys a chance to explain why their grades dropped, and what they are doing to bring them up again. We can check to make sure they do, and if necessary, we will start removing those "luxuries" such as cell phones or video games to "motivate" them.
Luckily, it has not come to that but the beauty of Parent Connection is we have visibility into our sons’ performances at school anytime we want.
Education is a joint effort between parents and teachers, and you can never be too involved in your child’s schooling!
My 12 yr. old daughter is in the 6th grade and is doing very poorly in her classes. We have given her since the first day of school to get and maintain a passing grade in all her classes but now in the middle of the school year, it's the same story. My husband and I are seriously considering moving her to a private school but don't have much money and do not want to wait on a waiting list. Can anyone suggest a good school, private school or just some plain advice. I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do?
Well In majority of the cases alot of parents feel commited and starteld when their kids throw tantrums infront of people. You got to attact her problems from the source. Perhaps she's picking some manners/characteristics up from you(mom) or him(dad). So there might be something to change there ie... not arguing infront of kids. And when I said arguing I meant simple pointless arguments like a big purchase, cleaning up, or fighting for the remote. So once that fundamental is set. Lets move up to manners.
If you allow her to have boyfriends, that entirely up to you. But aslo she might get her way everytime because she thinks its okay. So what I suggest is...
1 Take something near and dear to her (cell phone, TV, or free time)
2 Give her responsibilties!!!!!! (dont treat her like a princess!!!)
3 Reward WHEN NECESSARY!!!!!!
4 Communicate: you will be surprized what a little chit chat will do!
5 If all else fails sometimes a little ear lobe pull will solve the problem, but dont over do it. When I decipline my annoying niece I just smak her once and she stops.
I make it very clear to my kids. To keep dad happy, they must comply to my 2 rules.
1. Their report cards must consist of straight A's. I understand that a grade of 70 or better is passing, but that's usually a result of settling for the bare minimum. I've informed them that with the current curriculum and study material, there is no excuse for not understanding the material. I get home from work around 5:30 - 6:00 PM, and expect homework to be completed before I get home.
2. They must be active in an organized sport. If not, they'll be on the computers, video games, phone, and TV all day. 2 practices a week and one game is sufficient exercise in my opinion.
They understand that if a report card doesn't meet my expectations, then their leisure activities will be taken away until the next report card is released which meets the grades.
It may sound a bit harsh, but this routine has taught them to manage their responsibilities. So far I have not had to discipline because of low grades on the report cards. And every now and then my youngest boy will "forget" to complete his homework before I get home from work. I correct this by stopping all leisure activities for all 3 of my kids, until he has completed his homework. This helps to remind my oldest boy that he needs to not only keep on top of his work, but make sure his younger brother is on top of his work as well.
My boys are 11 and 10 years of age and 5th and 4th graders.
To be honest, by the time I get home from work, I don't ask if their homework is completed. They're already playing on their computers or video games. It's a given that they have completed their tasks.
You have to be firm. I guess it helps that I'm 6'5" 250 lbs. They don't dare disrespect me. All though recently my oldest thought he'd get brave and raised his voice (in a whiney kind of frustrated way) to his mother, almost like he was testing to see what he can get away with. I quickly stepped in and reminded him that I'm the man of the house, and took a belt to his butt ( I'm a firm believer of discipline, I don't care what anybody says).
Granted, I’ve had these rules set in place ever since my oldest started to receive homework. I’m not suggesting you do the same; every parent child relationship is unique. I just thought this might give you some ideas.
I make it very clear to my kids. To keep dad happy, they must comply to my 2 rules.
1. Their report cards must consist of straight A's. I understand that a grade of 70 or better is passing, but that's usually a result of settling for the bare minimum. I've informed them that with the current curriculum and study material, there is no excuse for not understanding the material. I get home from work around 5:30 - 6:00 PM, and expect homework to be completed before I get home.
2. They must be active in an organized sport. If not, they'll be on the computers, video games, phone, and TV all day. 2 practices a week and one game is sufficient exercise in my opinion.
They understand that if a report card doesn't meet my expectations, then their leisure activities will be taken away until the next report card is released which meets the grades.
It may sound a bit harsh, but this routine has taught them to manage their responsibilities. So far I have not had to discipline because of low grades on the report cards. And every now and then my youngest boy will "forget" to complete his homework before I get home from work. I correct this by stopping all leisure activities for all 3 of my kids, until he has completed his homework. This helps to remind my oldest boy that he needs to not only keep on top of his work, but make sure his younger brother is on top of his work as well.
My boys are 11 and 10 years of age and 5th and 4th graders.
To be honest, by the time I get home from work, I don't ask if their homework is completed. They're already playing on their computers or video games. It's a given that they have completed their tasks.
You have to be firm. I guess it helps that I'm 6'5" 250 lbs. They don't dare disrespect me. All though recently my oldest thought he'd get brave and raised his voice (in a whiney kind of frustrated way) to his mother, almost like he was testing to see what he can get away with. I quickly stepped in and reminded him that I'm the man of the house, and took a belt to his butt ( I'm a firm believer of discipline, I don't care what anybody says).
Granted, I’ve had these rules set in place ever since my oldest started to receive homework. I’m not suggesting you do the same; every parent child relationship is unique. I just thought this might give you some ideas.
LOL! Reading this is like reading my childhood (back in the late 60's-early 70's). Especially the grades issue. I my mom's opinion, there was no excuse for not getting A's. I had to have my homework and the "chores of the day" list she left for me all done before she got home at 6pm. My mom checked up on all my schoolwork and if there was a low grade, I got grounded from TV and the phone until the grade went up. Since this was our only form of entertainment in that era, I made darned sure the grades were good so no grounding took place! As far as the belt goes, my dad had no problem 'popping' the belt (you know, holding the two ends in one hand and the looped in in the other and snapping it together to make that evil sound) or even using the belt if necessary.
As far as my own kids, they must think they have the nosiest mom in town. I check their grades online and ask them every day what they have to do, if they have a test, project due, etc. etc. They know I have no problems calling or emailing a teacher if I don't get a satisfactory answer. I started this back when they started to get homework and it has paid off. My 10th grader comes home and gets right to the homework, which usually lasts all night it seems. She does have a lot of work in highschool, so it is so necessary to develop good study habits early on. Now she just needs minimal help - get supplies, 'quiz me over this', or 'proofread this for me' since 7th grade. My 8th grader is different. He and I worked out an arrangement so that he can watch some TV or play some video game, just as long as the homework is done by 9pm. If he violates the agreement, he looses privileges for the next two days. He knows I mean business and the two times he ruined it for himself, he admitted he had only himself to blame.
I give these two illustrations because each kid is different. You may find that what works with one kid won't necessarily work as well with the other.
In any case, though, it's the discipline and follow-thru that help make the situation work. I know it can be hard to find that unique combination that solves the problem, and even then, that combination may need to be changed and updated as the child grows. One essential key is communication. Keep the lines open and try not to be too judgmental if you can. It seems that the problems that surface as they grow older to you may seem so simple to solve, but to them, it's a challenge.
I have a friend that told me last month that her 8th grader finally 'got it', meaning that she finally realized that grades are important and decided to start studying harder and making good grades. Up until that time, friends and social activities (including sports) had been more important. My friend has hounded this girl for the last two years, taking away privileges, sitting down with her every night, etc. She told me it was as if a light bulb finally went on in her daughter's head!
One day your daughter will thank you for taking the time for her. It may not seem that way now, but one day, she will. Good luck!
I make it very clear to my kids. To keep dad happy, they must comply to my 2 rules.
1. Their report cards must consist of straight A's. I understand that a grade of 70 or better is passing, but that's usually a result of settling for the bare minimum. I've informed them that with the current curriculum and study material, there is no excuse for not understanding the material. I get home from work around 5:30 - 6:00 PM, and expect homework to be completed before I get home.
2. They must be active in an organized sport. If not, they'll be on the computers, video games, phone, and TV all day. 2 practices a week and one game is sufficient exercise in my opinion.
They understand that if a report card doesn't meet my expectations, then their leisure activities will be taken away until the next report card is released which meets the grades.
It may sound a bit harsh, but this routine has taught them to manage their responsibilities. So far I have not had to discipline because of low grades on the report cards. And every now and then my youngest boy will "forget" to complete his homework before I get home from work. I correct this by stopping all leisure activities for all 3 of my kids, until he has completed his homework. This helps to remind my oldest boy that he needs to not only keep on top of his work, but make sure his younger brother is on top of his work as well.
My boys are 11 and 10 years of age and 5th and 4th graders.
To be honest, by the time I get home from work, I don't ask if their homework is completed. They're already playing on their computers or video games. It's a given that they have completed their tasks.
You have to be firm. I guess it helps that I'm 6'5" 250 lbs. They don't dare disrespect me. All though recently my oldest thought he'd get brave and raised his voice (in a whiney kind of frustrated way) to his mother, almost like he was testing to see what he can get away with. I quickly stepped in and reminded him that I'm the man of the house, and took a belt to his butt ( I'm a firm believer of discipline, I don't care what anybody says).
Granted, I’ve had these rules set in place ever since my oldest started to receive homework. I’m not suggesting you do the same; every parent child relationship is unique. I just thought this might give you some ideas.
Um, since you don't care what anyone else says, then I guess you, Creekknoll, can stop reading here. For the rest of you, here's what I would have said to him.
First off, I can tell by your general disposition on things that you are not a man who is open to other's opinions or ways of thinking. You probably shut people out as soon as they start voicing an opinion to you. I gather this goes for your wife or any woman (since you said you are the man of the house). You have your way of parenting, I have mine. I certainly don't believe in beating my child and I wouldn't encourage other parents to do so. Some of your "strict rules" are not really helping your children learn anything. If anything, I think they are more afraid of getting beat than learning time management or living a well rounded life. I would never "make" my child join a sport. He might be better at working on the newspaper, or learning and instrument. We live active lifestyles and many times go on bike rides together or to the gym as a family. For those who are sincerely looking for parenting advice, I would suggest having a respectful relationship with your children. It has been proven time and again that the "authoitarian" parenting style does not pan out well in the long run, instead, look at the authoritative parenting style (google it if needed). I hope this helps those who might need some help. Best of luck to you!
I would like to say that I am a father of a 6 y/o and a 12 y/o. So I am learning something new every day. My methods are constantly changing to conform to what will work for me and my kids. I don't think that I can give you an answer that will be a cure all for your situation, considering I do not know you and that I am still working on mine. So, with that grain of salt, here's my two cents.
I have a lot of family and friends who are either teachers or whose spouses are teachers. One of the most frustrating things they seem to echo is that parents somehow believe that the school is responsible for the child's upbringing and education. In my belief, parents are 100% responsible. However, because we are not all natural teachers, we then pay (through taxes) for a supplemental resource (the public school system) to aid us, and not replace us, in this responsibility.
Now the simple fact that you have even asked for advice makes me think that you are taking your responsibility seriously, so please do not take this as a negative comment. Please make sure that your child's teachers know that you are completely involved with your child's education. Not just through emails, but a face to face conversation with the teacher, and then maybe a group meeting with yourself, your child, your child's teacher, and vice-principle. There is a possibility that your child's teacher has not taken the same interest in your child's education as you have. Your communication with them may help remind them of the important responsibilities of their job. If the teacher is just "burnt out", for whatever reason, it may not be a bad idea to bring this up to the vice-principle. Remember the school is a service we all pay for, as long as you are pulling your weight, you should demand that the school pulls its weight. Good luck, and have patience. And to quote Paka, "she is so worth it".
Um, since you don't care what anyone else says, then I guess you, Creekknoll, can stop reading here. For the rest of you, here's what I would have said to him.
First off, I can tell by your general disposition on things that you are not a man who is open to other's opinions or ways of thinking. You probably shut people out as soon as they start voicing an opinion to you. I gather this goes for your wife or any woman (since you said you are the man of the house). You have your way of parenting, I have mine. I certainly don't believe in beating my child and I wouldn't encourage other parents to do so. Some of your "strict rules" are not really helping your children learn anything. If anything, I think they are more afraid of getting beat than learning time management or living a well rounded life. I would never "make" my child join a sport. He might be better at working on the newspaper, or learning and instrument. We live active lifestyles and many times go on bike rides together or to the gym as a family. For those who are sincerely looking for parenting advice, I would suggest having a respectful relationship with your children. It has been proven time and again that the "authoitarian" parenting style does not pan out well in the long run, instead, look at the authoritative parenting style (google it if needed). I hope this helps those who might need some help. Best of luck to you!
mojo, your post really disturbs me because you seem to passing a whole lot of judgement on someone you don't know --- just because someone does not share in your parenting views or style does not make them a bad person ---
you are in a round about way calling CreekKnoll a close minded person who bullies his wife and beats his kids --- unless you know him personally how can you pass that judgement from his words???
alot of people believe in and practice the same types of parenting views that he does, our family included --- our girls are expected to do homework as soon as they get home, we do believe in spanking, but use it very rarely, and we are very very big on respect and manners --- that does not mean that our kids cannot voice their opinions, but they are not allowed to raise their voices to us or talk back or disrespect adults --- our kids are expected to use "ma'am and sir" and our 2.5 yr old now answers us with "yes ma'am or yes sir" --- i don't think this makes our kids love us any less and they are by far afraid of us ---
in my opinion there is a difference between spanking and beating a child --- i know some people see it very differently and that's okay --- agreeing to disagree is very important here --- but because one spanks ones child does not make them a child abuser...
it just seems like you take complete offense and become very defensive when someone writes about a different style than yours, but Creek didn't call you out or pass judgement on you, he was offering up what works in his home --- just like something different works in your home --- that's the beauty of having your own family, you can run your household with what works for you...it just seems very harsh to judge him the way you did...
mojo, your post really disturbs me because you seem to passing a whole lot of judgement on someone you don't know --- just because someone does not share in your parenting views or style does not make them a bad person ---
you are in a round about way calling CreekKnoll a close minded person who bullies his wife and beats his kids --- unless you know him personally how can you pass that judgement from his words???
alot of people believe in and practice the same types of parenting views that he does, our family included --- our girls are expected to do homework as soon as they get home, we do believe in spanking, but use it very rarely, and we are very very big on respect and manners --- that does not mean that our kids cannot voice their opinions, but they are not allowed to raise their voices to us or talk back or disrespect adults --- our kids are expected to use "ma'am and sir" and our 2.5 yr old now answers us with "yes ma'am or yes sir" --- i don't think this makes our kids love us any less and they are by far afraid of us ---
in my opinion there is a difference between spanking and beating a child --- i know some people see it very differently and that's okay --- agreeing to disagree is very important here --- but because one spanks ones child does not make them a child abuser...
it just seems like you take complete offense and become very defensive when someone writes about a different style than yours, but Creek didn't call you out or pass judgement on you, he was offering up what works in his home --- just like something different works in your home --- that's the beauty of having your own family, you can run your household with what works for you...it just seems very harsh to judge him the way you did...
Whoa....Mrs TC...we're all friends here. With all due respect, I felt a bit insulted by Creeks post as well....mainly because I was a single mom for a long time. I didn't need to be 250lbs and a "man" to communicate with my kids. The bottom line is that every family situation is different...and we all need to find what works for us. Creek sort if presented his scenario as if it were the "only" way....and I can attest that it's not. I commend him for whatever works for him....and for you. No one needs to call out anyone or step up and be superior parents in this discussion.
The OP has a problem and we all are just sharing our experiences to hopefully help. We all just need to remember our boundaries and understand our limitations. Some parents here are experienced and some are learning as they go....but at least everyone in this thread has one thing in common. They LOVE their kids and care about their future, otherwise they wouldn't be posting here. I'm sure we can all agree on that part at the very least.
Whoa....Mrs TC...we're all friends here. With all due respect, I felt a bit insulted by Creeks post as well....mainly because I was a single mom for a long time. I didn't need to be 250lbs and a "man" to communicate with my kids. The bottom line is that every family situation is different...and we all need to find what works for us. Creek sort if presented his scenario as if it were the "only" way....and I can attest that it's not. I commend him for whatever works for him....and for you. No one needs to call out anyone or step up and be superior parents in this discussion.
The OP has a problem and we all are just sharing our experiences to hopefully help. We all just need to remember our boundaries and understand our limitations. Some parents here are experienced and some are learning as they go....but at least everyone in this thread has one thing in common. They LOVE their kids and care about their future, otherwise they wouldn't be posting here. I'm sure we can all agree on that part at the very least.
i completely agree with you that all situations are different --- and i agree that one does not have to be man to parent their children --- some of the best parents i know are single moms --- i agree that every family has something that works for them --- that was the point i was trying to make --- that everyone has different parenting styles, and that is okay --- i just thought it was a bit harsh to judge him by saying that he beat his children or that his kids are scared of him or that he doesn't let his wife have an opinion --- i am only saying that unless you know someone personally how can you say those things about someone...
i agree also that we are all friends here and that agreeing to disagree is sometimes best ---
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