Disobedience, Low Grades & the runarounds (games, parent, son, 12 yr old)
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i agree also that we are all friends here and that agreeing to disagree is sometimes best ---
Completely!
I think the worst offense here is being passionate about raising their kids. Our parental instincts kick in and we only want the best for our kids. Us momma bears are often tough cookies to recon with!
mojo, your post really disturbs me because you seem to passing a whole lot of judgement on someone you don't know --- just because someone does not share in your parenting views or style does not make them a bad person ---
you are in a round about way calling CreekKnoll a close minded person who bullies his wife and beats his kids --- unless you know him personally how can you pass that judgement from his words???
alot of people believe in and practice the same types of parenting views that he does, our family included --- our girls are expected to do homework as soon as they get home, we do believe in spanking, but use it very rarely, and we are very very big on respect and manners --- that does not mean that our kids cannot voice their opinions, but they are not allowed to raise their voices to us or talk back or disrespect adults --- our kids are expected to use "ma'am and sir" and our 2.5 yr old now answers us with "yes ma'am or yes sir" --- i don't think this makes our kids love us any less and they are by far afraid of us ---
in my opinion there is a difference between spanking and beating a child --- i know some people see it very differently and that's okay --- agreeing to disagree is very important here --- but because one spanks ones child does not make them a child abuser...
it just seems like you take complete offense and become very defensive when someone writes about a different style than yours, but Creek didn't call you out or pass judgement on you, he was offering up what works in his home --- just like something different works in your home --- that's the beauty of having your own family, you can run your household with what works for you...it just seems very harsh to judge him the way you did...
MrsTxCop, now here are my opinions on some of the things you have voiced to me.
#1 Spanking your child often times does not mean taking a BELT to your childs body. Spanking (as far as I have understood it) means using your own hand on your child. Whether I think that is proper or not is not the case here. The fact that he was using an OBJECT to hit his child is much different than RESPONSIBLY talking to your child about why they are hitting them with their hand. I AM NOT SAYING I BELIEVE IN THIS METHOD for those who are reading this.
#2 This is a forum where you are going to see different opinions and ideas. I understand that. It also means that we are allowed to DISAGREE with other posters! I am entitled to my opinion as much as you are. I didn't know we all had to follow one another and agree all of the time.
#3 As far as forming opinions on people that I don't know, it was his own fault that I may have drawn conclusions about his personality on a forum from what HE wrote. Again, I am entitled to my opinion that is formed based on what someone else is putting out there on the internet. If you don't want opinions formed about you, then people shouldn't put their dirty laundry out there on a public forum to be judged.
MrsTxCop, I don't know you from the next person, but again, if you are going to put your business out there, then I can form opinions on it. If you want to keep your personal life private, than don't post on a public forum and expect everyone to be courteous to one another. It seems like you are taking offense because you live your life like Creek Knoll and I disagree with it. Maybe because you think I'm calling them out, you think I'm calling your family out as well and you may feel self conscious. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that's my right to form opinions on a public forum.
I hope this doesn't offend, but I DO defend my position on certain topics. This just happened to get under my skin. If you don't like that I may be defensive on certain things, then please, skip over my posts and look at what others have to say. Thanks...no hard feelings...just had to defend myself...AGAIN!
OK, this may start a lightning storm, but A boyfriend at 12?!
Maybe it's the "daddy's little girl" syndrome, but I do not believe in dating at such a young age. Also, is TV, video game, cell phone and computer time regulated and controlled? Is reading and creative play encouraged? Is time being spent playing with your child? It could be doing puzzles together or playing board games. Do you know your child's friends and talk about them? Discussing decisions her friends make can be a valuable tool and guide her indirectly into knowing where your values and expectations are. Have you discussed examples of why an education is important? Talk about how good grades are needed to earn the things she may desire in the future. Nothing wrong with working at WalMart, it's an honest job, but maybe she aspires for more.
Try to develop consequences for inappropriate behavior and rewards for extra-ordinary behavior. Stick to them and make them appropriate, not too harsh or light for the infraction. Remain calm, I have a tendency to yell and it gets tuned out. If I save it for unusual circumstances it's much more effective. I am my kid's friend at times, but first I am their parent. If the two conflict, I focus on being a parent.
How is she getting along with her classmates, how is her self-image. Sometimes issues with these things will reflect problems with school work or self image issues may turn desire for boyfriend approval on turbo-high. So I don't know if the above is useful, but being a guy I have a tendency to give advice it's the sometimes annoying "gotta fix it" part of a guy's personality.
Above all, you have my respect and heartfelt wishes for sucessfully navigating the challenges of parenting. Your child is wired differently than any other, so you need to figure out what will work with her. Challenges and a firm resolve will be needed, but also the ability to listen and think a while before reacting AND many hugs will also be needed. Good luck!
MrsTxCop, now here are my opinions on some of the things you have voiced to me.
#1 Spanking your child often times does not mean taking a BELT to your childs body. Spanking (as far as I have understood it) means using your own hand on your child. Whether I think that is proper or not is not the case here. The fact that he was using an OBJECT to hit his child is much different than RESPONSIBLY talking to your child about why they are hitting them with their hand. I AM NOT SAYING I BELIEVE IN THIS METHOD for those who are reading this.
#2 This is a forum where you are going to see different opinions and ideas. I understand that. It also means that we are allowed to DISAGREE with other posters! I am entitled to my opinion as much as you are. I didn't know we all had to follow one another and agree all of the time.
#3 As far as forming opinions on people that I don't know, it was his own fault that I may have drawn conclusions about his personality on a forum from what HE wrote. Again, I am entitled to my opinion that is formed based on what someone else is putting out there on the internet. If you don't want opinions formed about you, then people shouldn't put their dirty laundry out there on a public forum to be judged.
MrsTxCop, I don't know you from the next person, but again, if you are going to put your business out there, then I can form opinions on it. If you want to keep your personal life private, than don't post on a public forum and expect everyone to be courteous to one another. It seems like you are taking offense because you live your life like Creek Knoll and I disagree with it. Maybe because you think I'm calling them out, you think I'm calling your family out as well and you may feel self conscious. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that's my right to form opinions on a public forum.
I hope this doesn't offend, but I DO defend my position on certain topics. This just happened to get under my skin. If you don't like that I may be defensive on certain things, then please, skip over my posts and look at what others have to say. Thanks...no hard feelings...just had to defend myself...AGAIN!
mojo --- no hard feelings and no, you did not offend --- and no, i did not feel self conscience at all --- that's kind of silly actually, i got quite the chuckle out of that --- i have nothing to be ashamed of therefore i didn't feel called out at all --- again, i was only saying that i thought it was a bit harsh to judge him, his family and his character and say those things about him given that you do not know him personally ---
all's good
and now, i will peacefully step away from this subject...
My 12 yr. old daughter is in the 6th grade and is doing very poorly in her classes. We have given her since the first day of school to get and maintain a passing grade in all her classes but now in the middle of the school year, it's the same story. My husband and I are seriously considering moving her to a private school but don't have much money and do not want to wait on a waiting list. Can anyone suggest a good school, private school or just some plain advice. I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do?
Does her school offer after-school tutoring? Ours does and the kids stay for an hour after once a week to attend.
Um, since you don't care what anyone else says, then I guess you, Creekknoll, can stop reading here. For the rest of you, here's what I would have said to him.
First off, I can tell by your general disposition on things that you are not a man who is open to other's opinions or ways of thinking. You probably shut people out as soon as they start voicing an opinion to you. I gather this goes for your wife or any woman (since you said you are the man of the house). You have your way of parenting, I have mine. I certainly don't believe in beating my child and I wouldn't encourage other parents to do so. Some of your "strict rules" are not really helping your children learn anything. If anything, I think they are more afraid of getting beat than learning time management or living a well rounded life. I would never "make" my child join a sport. He might be better at working on the newspaper, or learning and instrument. We live active lifestyles and many times go on bike rides together or to the gym as a family. For those who are sincerely looking for parenting advice, I would suggest having a respectful relationship with your children. It has been proven time and again that the "authoitarian" parenting style does not pan out well in the long run, instead, look at the authoritative parenting style (google it if needed). I hope this helps those who might need some help. Best of luck to you!
Let me set the record straight.
1. First and foremost, my kids mean the world to me. Our communication is stellar, they live in the most loving home in the world, and in my opinion, are living a life 100 times happier than I did at their age (that’s another story another day).
2. For the record, I don’t beat my kids. A spank is performed with a belt to the butt. And that one instance I gave was only his second spank his entire life.
3. Organized sports was their idea. I expect them to have weekly exercise, and that is what they came up with, so that's what they're stuck with. By the way, I would never let my kids throw the paper. Diabetes exists throughout my wife’s side of the family, and we monitor for a healthy diet and exercise. I love my kids too much to let something like diabetes or obesity get the best of them. You can occasionally find me and my boys at the Westcreek basketball court, throwing football, or taking laps around the track.
4. My wife and I are both open to others opinions, and are probably some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. We have a 50/50 relationship. As a matter of fact, I respect your opinion on my post and felt bad that I somehow made you upset (I admit that I worked late last night –my post was at 2:44 in the morning – and after rereading it, it makes me seem like an “authoitarian”). When I referred to reminding him that I’m the man of the house, it’s a father\son thing. I had to take him for a stroll down knowYourRole blvd.
5. I wouldn’t set rules I know they couldn’t handle. That’s absurd. Authoritative parenting style, I’m far from that. But I’m no Democrat, if need be, I could flip that switch and spank somebody!
And last, but not least, I did end my post with, “I’m not suggesting you do the same; every parent child relationship is unique.”
Just a couple of questions about the tutoring she is in - is this tutoring to help improve her skills/grades or is it more targeted towards TAKS strategies and content? How many kids are in her tutoring group? If there are too many kids in tutoring and/or if the tutoring doesn't seem to address current content in her classes, then she may not be getting much out of it. I'm not justifying the fact that she is leaving (and I am curious how her teachers are permitting her to leave - at my school, students cannot leave tutoring unless the office calls us directly to say a parent/guardian is picking them up), but I would talk to her about it: why does she believe she is going (does she think it is a punishment or does she feel it is designed to help her improve), is it helping her, is there something else that she thinks might help her more, etc. I don't know much about tutoring places like Sylvan, but maybe something like that would be more helpful?
Is she struggling in all subjects or just certain ones? Do her teachers have any belief that she might be dyslexic or have any learning disability? Also, 6th grade is a big transition for a lot of kids. If this is the first time she has been having these problems, that could be part of it.
My 12 yr. old daughter is in the 6th grade and is doing very poorly in her classes. We have given her since the first day of school to get and maintain a passing grade in all her classes but now in the middle of the school year, it's the same story. My husband and I are seriously considering moving her to a private school but don't have much money and do not want to wait on a waiting list. Can anyone suggest a good school, private school or just some plain advice. I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do?
Obviously, she is distracted. Take away the distractions: boyfriend, cell phone, video games, etc. Get directly involved in her life. She will thank you later.
So if some of it is thru her actions, private school really isn't the answer. What about tutoring thru a private source and not actually at the school.....sylvan? a teacher/college student coming to your home or someone you know/trust?
I agree with the other comments...perhaps changing the discipline at home. Not sure what you have tried already but may removing all her privelages until her grades are improved. Just an idea.
You could always come to school and shadow her for a day or so. Get it approved thru the principal first. There's not a middle schooler alive who wants mom in all their classes and lunch!!!!
My daughter was already attending Sylvan for reading and math and spending about $1300 a month for 10-15 hrs a week. It was fine in the beginning but economy has gone up and I've just recently changed jobs. I have removed all her privileges and talked to her overs and overs again. I do study with her and try to somewhat bribe her every now and then and it still doesn't seem to help. She also has epilepsy and when she gets a letter sent home and forgets to show it to us she says that the "epilepsy" has made her forget things. What now?
have you met with her teachers? counselers? I would make that my next step. Is any of her work modified/spec ed? You mentioned epilepsy so I wasn't sure if that was the case.
I can understand about the costs. That is alot of cash.
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