Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
looking for advice. i am in a relationship, that invloves an 18 yr old, and am not sure i how i fit in. this teenager is very rebellious, and will not follow any of our rules. often throws a fit and screams,swears and is verbally aggressive to his mom. there is no respect for her, or anyone else. he has a limited education,substance abuse problems, which he will not get help with and a police record. he has tried to be out on his own,once by his choice and other times, by us,due to his ugly behavior. his mom has tried to help, but there's no success,she just gets yelled at or lied to. he doesn't like me, mainly because i won't put up with his actions. as a co-parent,what should i do. stepping in doesn't work, ignoring the situation doesn't work. his mom is a very strong person and has the patience unseen in many,but gets manipulated easily by her son. i watch the way he treats her, and am having a hard time. advice?
looking for advice. i am in a relationship, that invloves an 18 yr old, and am not sure i how i fit in. this teenager is very rebellious, and will not follow any of our rules. often throws a fit and screams,swears and is verbally aggressive to his mom. there is no respect for her, or anyone else. he has a limited education,substance abuse problems, which he will not get help with and a police record. he has tried to be out on his own,once by his choice and other times, by us,due to his ugly behavior. his mom has tried to help, but there's no success,she just gets yelled at or lied to. he doesn't like me, mainly because i won't put up with his actions. as a co-parent,what should i do. stepping in doesn't work, ignoring the situation doesn't work. his mom is a very strong person and has the patience unseen in many,but gets manipulated easily by her son. i watch the way he treats her, and am having a hard time. advice?
It is not your job to "parent" this young man - sorry. You are his mothers husband only and should leave the parenting to her. Be available to him as a man in his life - try to let him know you care about him and what happens to him. Trying to parent him is the wrong approach, your best bet is try to be a mentor, which won't be easy at first because he doesn't trust you - and really, why should he? Support his mom in establishing some house rules - but YOU shouldn't be making or enforcing any of them, she should. I know this will be hard for you, but it is the recommended approach if you do some research. Best of luck to you.
looking for advice. i am in a relationship, that invloves an 18 yr old, and am not sure i how i fit in. this teenager is very rebellious, and will not follow any of our rules. often throws a fit and screams,swears and is verbally aggressive to his mom. there is no respect for her, or anyone else. he has a limited education,substance abuse problems, which he will not get help with and a police record. he has tried to be out on his own,once by his choice and other times, by us,due to his ugly behavior. his mom has tried to help, but there's no success,she just gets yelled at or lied to. he doesn't like me, mainly because i won't put up with his actions. as a co-parent,what should i do. stepping in doesn't work, ignoring the situation doesn't work. his mom is a very strong person and has the patience unseen in many,but gets manipulated easily by her son. i watch the way he treats her, and am having a hard time. advice?
My god, run for the hills!!!!!!!! I had the same experiances and IT IS NOT WORTH IT.
I agree with allisonguru. Get out now. Get gone. The kid isn't your problem, but the situation could make you become the fall guy, losing all the way around. Remember that blood is thicker than water. And you're on the water end of things.
At 18 he is considered an adult and as such, I would give him the boot and he would no longer be my problem.
I have ended realtionships because of the so called "adult" childrens behavior. That shows what the future will be like and I have "0" tolerance for a child (adult or not) that disrespects a parent in their own house. I didn't allow my own children to do it and I sure won't put up with it from someone elses. It may be directed at the parents right now but sooner or later, it will be directed at you.
He will always be the elephant in the room. If she won't stick her foot in his a**, nothing is going to change. If this is not a woman you'd consider spending your life with, even without the son, get out now. If you see this as long term, get out now.
My god, run for the hills!!!!!!!! I had the same experiances and IT IS NOT WORTH IT.
Totally agree. Being a step parent is hard enough, let alone one that is an adult with total problems. Your life will be hell. Run. Fast. Dont look back.
I am a step-parent. If you love this woman, support her and her rules, if that is what she wants. The two of you should sit down and discuss how involved she wants you to be then come up with a game plan. Be HONEST with her about your feelings. If the two of you can't work together, or she doesn't want your help, then maybe it would be best if you left. It's too hard to stand by with your hands tied and watch someone you love get walked all over!
I thank God that my husband is a great step-father to my kids and BACKS ME UP!! I couldn't do it alone, and maybe that is how your S.O. feels. Talk to her!!
interesting, the responses are half and half. this is a big giant roller coaster, and in my own mind, i go back and forth;stop living with the frustration, and kick the kid out, or leave. putting a choice out there would mean,the immature kid or me. i would loose, not exactly the decision that would make me happy. i love and care for this woman with all of my heart, and think the world of her. we have normal relationship issues, and handle those great. this kid steps right in between us, and breaks us down. could our relationship survive a temporary seperation; yes. might make it better, BUT what is temporary. i can see her and him living happily ever after. who leaves? me or them? and, a bigger issue, why am i even having to think of these things, when the handwriting has been on the wall for a very long. history repeats itself, and this kid's history has not been good, the brekaing point is the unknown.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Run.....
End of story if MOM isnt on the same Page with you THEN LEAVE.
