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I am currently pregnant & have been asking my friends who are parents to give me recommendations for books. Most of my friends look at me blankly & then rummage thru their shelves for some random book they may have been given at a baby shower, but probably never read. They tell me that they don't believe in reading books on parenting because raising them is mostly instinctual & each child is different anyway.
The way I see it, reading books gives you tools that you choose to use or not use. I would rather be a parent with a full toolbox, even if I end up never using those tools. Of course every child is different, but books help develop your own parenting philosophy. I want to know *why* something works or doesn't work with my child.
Oh, and I should point out that some of these friends are the type to read tons of self-help books, so I somehow figured they'd be the type to be interested in reading books on raising children. And one friend read *tons* of books on puppies when she got her Dachshunds, but she is very *proud* to have never read a single book on raising children!! If you're going to read about how to raise a puppy, doesn't it stand to reason you'd want to read a book on how to raise a child?!
I understand not wanting to *parent by the book*, but I just don't get why some people are so against reading books on parenting! I'm interested to hear your thoughts.
I know some people will "judge" parents by the books they choose to read. That seems so silly to me. Read everything that looks interesting and decide for yourself what fits your world view.
I liked "Becoming the Parent You Want to Become" and the "What to Expect" series. Also, "Your Child At Play" has a number of books by age rangethat were really useful.
For parenting a baby, I recommend the Dr. Sears's Baby Book. He also wrote a book on breastfeeding that is great and also a book on discipline. Another good breastfeeding book is So That's What They're For by.... it escapes me now... Janet something-that-begins-with-T. Tamaro? Any of the La Leche League books are good for that too.
For general parenting, Kids Are Worth It by Bonnie Coloroso is great. Kevin Leman wrote a book about reality discipline... I think that may be the name of it. He actually wrote some other great books on marriage and managing life as a wife and mom as well. How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen (And Listen So Your Kids Will Talk) is good, as is Siblings Without Rivalry, though you won't have to worry about that for a while if you're expecting your first.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, and enjoy your last few months of holding your babe within!
Someone gave me "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears at my baby shower. It was a really useful book to which I referred to regularly during the first year of life. After the first year I really liked, "Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline" which is a book that helps parents work through their own issues in order to model the behaviors that they wish to pass on to their kids. "Playful Parenting" is a great book about using play with our kids as a means of communication and connection. "Unconditional Parenting" is the most thought provoking parenting book I've ever read and is backed by research.
I do agree though that parenting is instinctual if you are able and willing to listen to and trust those instincts but it's also good to know about basic development and to hear different perspectives that you may not have considered.
I didn't read any books, but then again when my kids were babies about all that was out there was Dr. Spock *shudder*. In any case, all kids are different and you won't be able to just go by a book anyway. It can't hurt to read them and get ideas though.
For parenting a baby, I recommend the Dr. Sears's Baby Book. He also wrote a book on breastfeeding that is great and also a book on discipline. Another good breastfeeding book is So That's What They're For by.... it escapes me now... Janet something-that-begins-with-T. Tamaro? Any of the La Leche League books are good for that too.
For general parenting, Kids Are Worth It by Bonnie Coloroso is great. Kevin Leman wrote a book about reality discipline... I think that may be the name of it. He actually wrote some other great books on marriage and managing life as a wife and mom as well. How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen (And Listen So Your Kids Will Talk) is good, as is Siblings Without Rivalry, though you won't have to worry about that for a while if you're expecting your first.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, and enjoy your last few months of holding your babe within!
Thank you!! I have the Dr. Sears Baby Book & How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen (And Listen So Your Kids Will Talk)...I love both. Thanks for the recs...I'm adding them to my Amazon list!
I am currently pregnant & have been asking my friends who are parents to give me recommendations for books. Most of my friends look at me blankly & then rummage thru their shelves for some random book they may have been given at a baby shower, but probably never read. They tell me that they don't believe in reading books on parenting because raising them is mostly instinctual & each child is different anyway.
The way I see it, reading books gives you tools that you choose to use or not use. I would rather be a parent with a full toolbox, even if I end up never using those tools. Of course every child is different, but books help develop your own parenting philosophy. I want to know *why* something works or doesn't work with my child.
Oh, and I should point out that some of these friends are the type to read tons of self-help books, so I somehow figured they'd be the type to be interested in reading books on raising children. And one friend read *tons* of books on puppies when she got her Dachshunds, but she is very *proud* to have never read a single book on raising children!! If you're going to read about how to raise a puppy, doesn't it stand to reason you'd want to read a book on how to raise a child?!
I understand not wanting to *parent by the book*, but I just don't get why some people are so against reading books on parenting! I'm interested to hear your thoughts.
I think that some women have the tendency to take the books quite literally & when things don't go the way the author describes, they get frustrated & move on to another book; author; technique, etc. Most of my friends would have said the same thing & when my newly pregnant friends ask about books, I give suggestions but also tell them to enjoy the experience & not get obsessed over books or websites.
As the saying goes, there is no manual that comes with parenting. Much of it is does come through basic trial & error. No child is the same. No parent is the same. What works for you may or may not work for your neighbor wth children. Women love to compare their birth, children, etc. I just stop at a point b/c it becomes competition. I didn't get pregnant to win at anything.
For baby #1, I was so overly obsessed with reading everything that I didn't enjoy the pregnancy.
For baby #2, I just reread very basic things & enjoyed my pregnancy.
I do think that using some books are "tools" is very pratical. But to take them literally & completely rely on them is not that good.
Some books have good info. "What to Expect When Expecting" is very generic & simplistic, but it has good info on milestones.
I just read the updated "Dare to Discipline" by Dr. Dobson. While I don't agree with many of his beliefs, there was some wonderful stuff in that book & it just reassured me that some of the issues that are with my children are normal, healthy & every day things that every parent deals with at different times & ways.
Just enjoy being pregnant. Take the books with a grain of salt. There are some very good books & very good authors, but they are not pregnant with your child nor raising your child. Remember the info. Use what works for you. Just don't get upset at yourself if you or your child does not fit into a chapter in the book To expect a book to answer every question may be setting yourself up for failure. There are so many books b/c no one has the perfect answer or solution! Parenting isn't suppose to work that way. If it did, though, I'm sure none of us would complain
I like the Dr. Dobson book as well. I agree that people sometimes read a book and then follow it to the letter. Not everything is going to work for everyone - you have to be able to have an open mind - but know yourself and your family. Don't just blindly accept what other people say is the gospel!
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