adult kids in house (girlfriend, friend, father, sleep)
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I have my adult son living at home. It was a mutual decission, due to finances and divorce (mine). He pays rent and helps around the house. Although he never has had overnight guests, I would allow it. We are both grown ups. We both know the other has sex there is no reason not to be adult about it.
So, what would be the difference if the adult child was married to the person or not? It is still the same poeple regardless if there is a peice of paper saying they are together or not.
What if they have been bf/gf for 10 years? Still not allowed to sleep in the same room together?
How would you feel if you came over to your child's house with your bf/gf and he/she did not allow you to sleep in the same room?
Sorry, but you can't ever expect your kid to act like an adult when you are not treating them like one.
I understand not allowing the one-nite stand thing to happen, but I do not see any logical reason why not allow it in an obviously devotional relationship.
There are many people that have been bf/gf for years and years, the abscence of an official marriage has not discouraged their love at all for each other as love goes beyond what the preacher and the law states.
What if they have been bf/gf for 10 years? Still not allowed to sleep in the same room together?
Then they should be living with each other, not with the parents.
The OP was asking about if the child lived with you. I guess if it is a long standing relationship, the child would not be living at home. If it was my child in the situation, I would tell him that he was so very invested in this long-term relationship, then they should get an apartment together. Letting a longterm girl/boyfriend to sleep over in your grown-child's childhood bedroom is just asking for another freeloader.
However, I see 2mares point. I do think my answer would be different if the child was still at home because of a mutual decision, rather one that hasn't left home yet/moved back because of their own needs. In the mutual needs situation, you both went into the situation as adults with adult expectations. In the situation where the adult child moves back in because of loss of job/doesn't know what to do with life/can't afford to live on own, I think they should respect the parents' house and realize that just as picturing one's parents having sex has an "ick" factor, so does picturing your children having sex. Obviously, it happens, but no one wants it pushed in front of them.
I am 20 and my fiance isnt allowed to stay the night even on the couch unless we are married. The only exception was when his family went on a camping trip and invited me along and his parents were there.
I guess if it is a long standing relationship, the child would not be living at home. If it was my child in the situation, I would tell him that he was so very invested in this long-term relationship, then they should get an apartment together.
LOL. I have an uncle that is 80 and still lives with my granny who is 101. He has had the same gf since as far back as I remember (Im 45). They "visit" on weekends, attend family functions together, etc., but have never lived together.
Well, if he's living there on my dime then the answer is no....if he wants to be treated like an adult then he'll act like an adult and get a job and his own place.
Now if my son was living away from home, was in a long term relationship and brought the girl home for a visit, then yes they could stay in the same room.
But an adult son living with me won't treat my home like a hotel.
I don't have adult kids, but when my husband and I were dating and visiting his parents or mine, we were expected to sleep in separate beds. I don't know why anyone would want to sleep with a boy/girlfriend with parents in the house. I was embarrassed to tell my parents I was pregnant because then they would know that I had been having sex with my husband.
It ONLY matters what you want. It is your house, your furniture, you dime. Your opinion is the only one that counts in this situation.
I agree. Only you know the situation with your own adult child. I'm actually facing this problem as well: my 20-year-old (the youngest; she lives with me) asked if her out of state boyfriend could stay with us for a week in the fall. My first reaction was to tell her that he could use the pull-out couch in the family room. Now I'm re-thinking it after talking with her. I know that all she has to do is go with him to one of her friend's apartments, where they could easily stay together. I'm feeling as if the message from her parents is sorry, we can't accept you here.
(And as far the adult child moving out, on what $? They go to school or work but it's not enough to afford rent, like it was when we were their age. I've given them to ages 22-24 and/or the completion of a degree to move out. But that's another subject.)
I recently found out that my parents allowed my brothers to have their girlfriends stay in the same room with them when they visited my parents, but they never allowed my fiance to stay the night with me in my room (even though we were actually living together.) These weren't situations where my brothers and I were living with our parents as adults, just visiting. I was dumbfounded by this because my parents, my father especially, declared that there was NO double standard in our family. I discovered that was wrong. My fiance wasn't even allowed in my room (I was 22 or 23 then) and yet my brothers and their girlfriends spent the night together in their rooms . I actually found this out the night after my dad's funeral because he made them swear they wouldn't tell me until he had died. I couldn't figure out whether to be angry or amused (MANY years had passed since we were bringing home our romantic interests.) I was angry for about 5 minutes then decided to let it go.
Whatever anybody decides to do regarding girlfriends or boyfriends in rooms, it would be a good idea to be consistent between sons and daughters .
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. I actually found this out the night after my dad's funeral because he made them swear they wouldn't tell me until he had died. I couldn't figure out whether to be angry or amused (MANY years had passed since we were bringing home our romantic interests.) I was angry for about 5 minutes then decided to let it go. 
