How to control your 3 children (out of control, games, parents, play)
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Need help! I have three children and I feel like they are out of control. They are not terrible, but we are probably the loudest house in our quite neighbor hood. They just always fights and are loud and just plain rude sometimes. My husband and I don't know where we went wrong and how to get them to act normal.
Yikes. Well, you haven't given us enough information to help you. We don't even know their ages, so all we can do is make very broad generalizations. Why don't you give us some more details, such as specific examples of bad behavior, and you'll get some answers from the nice people on this forum?
Maybe some family counseling to help you all learn what each others role are in the family? And how to 're'set your parenting and identify the goals you would like to accomplish? Maybe a counselor can help you set rules,etc. Sometimes it is easier to have an outsider help begin this process, then your children will see you and hubby united in parenting, and not out to get them, so to speak.
I guess I am thinking of those nanny shows, now that I think about it!
Maybe check Dr. James Dobson book 'Dare to Discipline'. I think he has some solid material for helping parents and families.
Maybe check Dr. James Dobson book 'Dare to Discipline'. I think he has some solid material for helping parents and families.
Take back you house! Good luck!
I agree, James Dobson has some really excellent resources for parenting! I would also think most families could benefit from family counseling. Sometimes there are things you don't see that someone on the outside can pick up on.
Well, three kids can be loud. I swear sometimes if I shot myself in the head (and sometimes I feel like it LOL), they'd never hear it.
But if it's fighting with each other and seems constant, here's some of the things that work for us:
1. Each kid needs to feel like the only kid, just once in a while. Give them each their own time with one or both parents---for instance, take ONE child shopping with you to the supermarket, and a few days later take a different child with you for a walk or drive or working together in the garden, whatever. Most importantly, while you're out together, LISTEN to what they say, or even ask them why they fight with the others so much: find out what bothers them, and what they wish for most, that sort of thing. Give them that one-on-one time at least every few weeks, more if you can.
2. I know this is hard to face if you're tired after a day of work or if your kids are tv-addicted (it IS addictive!), but take at least a few nights a week after supper and play games together around the table: cards, or Monopoly, or whatever. Structured board games have an amazing effect on families of kids: each child gets individual attention in turn, and somehow that actually carries over to how they deal with each other at other times. Also, it puts the family together face-to-face and you've got an opportunity to bring up any issues or problems, or just talk to each other....that can have a profound effect too.
3. Now you might think this sounds silly, but I swear by it: eliminate the junk food, cokes, anything sugary, from the house. Bad food has a powerful effect on mood, especially in kids.
4. My parents raised a herd of kids in the house with this rule: NO FIGHTING. Didn't matter who was right or wrong or who started it: if you were involved in any fight or argument, off you went into 'solitary' -- a corner, or your room, or doing a crap chore that had just been waiting for someone to misbehave, like weeding the garden or brushing the dog or sweeping the driveway. Sure we still fought, but things went VERY quiet when footsteps hit the stairs!! LOL
I've always been tempted to hit the extreme and do like some religious orders do, and enforce a "silent time", where there's NO TALKING AT ALL. Maybe someday.... LOL
I'm trying to figure out a way to put this without insulting the OP....so please I'm not saying you do this......
My SIL seemed to have the same problem and would ask me about it, I told her the things that worked in my house...separating them etc etc etc then I went to her house for a long weekend.....
It seems that she was the loudest!! And the kids would be loud just to be heard over her. I sat there one day and her daughter was sitting not 10 feet away doing something at the table...my SIL wanted her to do something and yelled at her...I finally asked my niece to answer her mama just so the yelling would stop. I actually startled her. She had turned her mom out. I got her attention by speaking softly.
We used to laugh that when her son went to bootcamp the Drill Instructor would have a hard time with him cuz he was used to the yelling.
She also allowed her children to talk to her disrepectfully so that didn't help either.
My son would try that and all I had to do was tell him to "watch the tone."
I'm not saying that this is what goes on in your house, but I've seen the "talk softly" approach work many times.
Good luck!
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