Is it too late?

[jessiegirl_98]

Originally Posted by SmerkyGrl

But she's clearly stated that her daughter already feels neglected. I'm guessing she's a very busy woman. Clearly, there are priorities that need to be made here.

We can keep going back and forth on this, but your family should be your priority, and that includes your children and other family members, such as your sister. The alternative would be foster care, which shouldn't even be an option unless we were talking safety issues, rather than the daughter feeling "neglected" (which may be because mom isn't paying enough attention to her or could be typical sibling jealously, in which case, you make an effort to spend quality time with the other daughter). As someone who works with children in foster care, that should NOT be an option. I would encourage her, since she is religious, that if she is feeling overwhelmed, to discuss these issues with a pastor or someone else she trusts.

[Chippery]

I completely agree with Stepka. If the sister isn't ready for it, she'll tune the counselor out and possibly retaliate against you for sending her there.

I was a jerk when I was a teen. The only thing that really made me change was time.

[stepka]

I don't profess to be a "control freak"... my extended family does. I am a fully devoted follower of Christ and He is in control of everything including whether or not my sister turns out ok. I am not trying to make my sister right, I don't expect progress either. What I want is mutual respect, I am not a doormat and God does not expect me to be either. If she accepts my help under the guise that she really is meaning to manipulate me than I am the fool. I am an instrument for God's work and I will minister to her as best as he equips me however I am also a steward of 4 other children and they need me too. Nobody can know the whole story in a public forum like this, there is too much family history to consider. My faith is why I carry on at all, and I am careful to remember that I am expected to pray and use good discernment in all things. I am as much a work in progress as she is and I trust the Lord will guide me to know what to do and when.

Sorry, I should have clarified better. I don't think you're a control freak, I put it in quotes to set it off as irony, but probably should have used a smiley instead. What you are doing is amazing, and my input will help I hope, because I was seriously offtrack myself, so I can help you understand how a derailed kid thinks. It's been a long time, but some things are never forgotten, and if I can help someone else thru a difficult time, then it might have been worth it. Chippery has been thru it too, so she or he knows what I'm talking about.

Also I actually agree with both Jessie girl and smerkygrl: it sounds as if your sister has reached a turning point, BUT, if you really don't think it's working and your main family is suffering, then you'll need to find another arrangement. I'm sure you know that she can't be set free until she's 17 though, so where would she go?

All I'm asking you to do though, is to discern whether the note that set you off is just blowing off steam or plotting to do more wrong. That would make a huge difference in my mind.