Any parents here who DON'T do traveling sports? (weight, average, game)
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It's so interesting hearing how many people agree with me on this. And calling that mom lazy? What an awful, judgemental thing to say. It's all about balance in a family. And yes, the strain on the family and finances is unfair. Doesn't that also create a sense of entitlement? I've heard of parents working multiple jobs for this.
We have three kids. One of our kids wanted to play travel volleyball while another wanted to play travel baseball. We said 'no' to both. No regrets.
First thing's first. It's expensive as hell. Not just the fees. But the costs of spending every. single. weekend riding the pine in some city somewhere. Your kid not just spending every weekend on the road, but most nights practicing, too.
Then there's the corrosive effect it has on family life. If one parent is always on the road, if the family's entire life is hostage to one or two kids playing travel ball, where is the chance to make friendships beyond the other team parents? To do things around the house? To have a family life? What about the kids schoolwork? What about the kids in your family who don't play? What the hell do you do with them? Drag them to one ball field after another? Free time is already precious to any parent. Why would you surrender what's left of this to do this?
I've known couples who committed to travel ball. I've yet to encounter one where it didn't put a strain on both their money and their relationships. All to chase the fool's gold of professional sports when, truthfully, devoting that same time and energy to studies would probably result in better odds for success and a more emotionally healthy family.
I could almost be convinced if you had one kid how it might be worthwhile. But otherwise, it's absolute insanity. Don't fall prey to the jock culture. Unless you have a kid who has a real shot at getting a full ride somewhere, it's a punishing treadmill, the industrial model of sports run amok. And your kids are just more grist for their exploitative mill.
I couldn't rep you, but I agree 1,000%. Just to reiterate, no, I don't care how a family spends their time or money. I just find this phenomenon so baffling. It really seems like a lot of parents are drinking the Kool Aid. I also do wonder how these kids are in future jobs. As mentioned, their friends are basically just their teammates and they don't seem to have many other interests. Nit to mention, their parents have kept them constantly occupied. How do they handle boredom? How do they function in relationships when they've been catered to this much? It would be interesting to see studies done. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.
I couldn't rep you, but I agree 1,000%. Just to reiterate, no, I don't care how a family spends their time or money. I just find this phenomenon so baffling. It really seems like a lot of parents are drinking the Kool Aid. I also do wonder how these kids are in future jobs. As mentioned, their friends are basically just their teammates and they don't seem to have many other interests. Nit to mention, their parents have kept them constantly occupied. How do they handle boredom? How do they function in relationships when they've been catered to this much? It would be interesting to see studies done. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.
I don't think so.
The best piece of advice I ever received was when we first were married. Namely, that while you love your children, they remain guests in your lives. If you do your job as parents, they load up the car when they are 18 or 20 and move away.
The chief currency that a married couple can offer one another is their time and attention. It's certainly not done to the exclusion of the children. At the same time, it means that you carve out space and time for the two of you. But if you are literally spending every weekend in some town watching baseball or soccer or whatever, this is not healthy.
Sure, there will be the parents who say, 'Oh, no. My wife and I love every minute of this.' But, if they are being truthful, they are the shining exceptions.
The other thing? It teaches the children the wrong thing about married relationships. It teaches them that the role of the parent is to do nothing but sacrifice to fulfill whatever whim the child has. That the role of the parent is that of a drone without interests of his or her own, slogging from one children's activity after another. It reduces the parent to the role of chauffeur and an ongoing ATM to fund whatever desire pops into the kid's head this month. When the kid moves out or quits, then what?
And none of this is to say that you don't support your children in their activities. I've been on any number of Boy Scout campouts, pushed marimbas around football fields for four years when my youngest son was in the high school marching band, kept score in youth baseball games, and faithfully attended just about every game, concert, play, and school program. But, dear God, enough is enough.
The best piece of advice I ever received was when we first were married. Namely, that while you love your children, they remain guests in your lives. If you do your job as parents, they load up the car when they are 18 or 20 and move away.
The chief currency that a married couple can offer one another is their time and attention. It's certainly not done to the exclusion of the children. At the same time, it means that you carve out space and time for the two of you. But if you are literally spending every weekend in some town watching baseball or soccer or whatever, this is not healthy.
Sure, there will be the parents who say, 'Oh, no. My wife and I love every minute of this.' But, if they are being truthful, they are the shining exceptions.
The other thing? It teaches the children the wrong thing about married relationships. It teaches them that the role of the parent is to do nothing but sacrifice to fulfill whatever whim the child has. That the role of the parent is that of a drone without interests of his or her own, slogging from one children's activity after another. It reduces the parent to the role of chauffeur and an ongoing ATM to fund whatever desire pops into the kid's head this month. When the kid moves out or quits, then what?
And none of this is to say that you don't support your children in their activities. I've been on any number of Boy Scout campouts, pushed marimbas around football fields for four years when my youngest son was in the high school marching band, kept score in youth baseball games, and faithfully attended just about every game, concert, play, and school program. But, dear God, enough is enough.
This was my upbringing. My parents were very involved but if I'd said I wanted to do traveling anything they'd say two things.1. How are you paying for it? 2. How are you getting there? They had their own lives too and made no bones about it.
Our oldest played travel soccer because she loved it so much. But we made it clear early on that when it came time for college, to pick based on the education, not worry about a soccer scholarship. Though she was recruited by several smaller colleges, she went to an R1 and did not play soccer in college.
Youngest on the other hand tried it for a year and decided he didn't care for travel ball.
Difficult to say. When I was a teen, oh back during the Carter Administration, I was in judo. College wise, it was not about getting a judo scholarship (don't know if they existed) but in being active, athletic, doing lots of things. Granted, I was after Federal academies and ROTC scholarships which may have been an entirely different ballpark, then or now.
My high school traveling took two different but similar angles. For judo, it was my parents taking me to another Texas town for the day OR one of the parent sets taking many of us on an over night camping trip of sorts. I remember being in the van at one camp site, watching "The Devil's Daughter" (Belinda Montgomery, Shelly Winters, Jonathan Fry) on a battery TV with rabbit ears.
If it was ROTC rifle team, it was usually a mass meet with rifle team and drill team all together on the same school bus for the day with our Sgts. and Colonel.
I find it gave me a "roughing it" type nature which extended into later college life such as on marine biology field trips when we were with sleeping bags in another university's lab facility for the trip. I love that feeling of being part of a science team be it a class field trip, an oceanographic cruise, or professionals coming together for a common purpose. What I am saying is that for me, these experiences have shaped and guided me well into my adult life.
I am guilty of my son playing travel baseball. He is 13 and plays for one of the top teams in the country. His goal is to play in college and beyond if there is an opportunity. In order for him to chase that dream travel baseball is necessary. We are in a different situation though in that where we are it is a hub for travel ball so we do not have to travel more than an hour typically for any tournament. In most of his tournaments he'll have teams from across the country and we only have to go 45 minutes. My older son played basketball, but school only.
I will say that the majority of kids in travel baseball do not belong in travel baseball. It is a status symbol for most parents and kids to say their kid plays travel ball. In reality they should be in rec and chances are they will not make their HS team. They're spending thousands every year to just say the kid plays travel.
It really comes down to how talented the kid is in the sport. When we started out my son played rec, but was always the best player by far. We then moved him to a lower level travel team that did local tournaments and wasn't that expensive either. Again he was the best player by far on the team and of teams we faced. We then played him up an age group for a similar lower level, inexpensive team but again the same issue. Best player and not being challenged. Finally we had him try out for his current team. He made the team and quickly became the top player on the team. The difference now is that he faces kids that are really good and most of his team is really good. While he may be the best player the talent gap isn't as big so he does get challenged. The organization has a lot of college and MLB connections and that is his goal. I believe every player on their 17u team is committed to a D1 school or is getting drafted. If he didn't have this talent I'd let him play travel, but it would be on one of the inexpensive teams that stays local or just play rec.
Your kid sounds good! once you go to D1, everyone was that good and many kids find out they aren't as good as they thought they where.
It seems these days so many kids are involved in traveling sports teams these days complete with exhoribitant costs and countless hours on the road. It's almost a status symbol with some parents. Are there any of you who don't do this? Specifically those with kids in sports, do they just play on their school teams or rec leagues (or others)?
My two daughters played AAU basketball and my son played travel soccer. The girls started playing in 5th grade. It wasn't very expensive. Each season cost a couple hundred dollars at most. The one AAU basketball team did a weekend tournament where they raised enough money to pay for all of their tournament entry fees. Most of the tournaments were were 50-150 miles away. We either drove home or got a motel for the night. There was no expectation of athletic scholarships. Among all three of my children, there were two girls who got D-II basketball scholarships. My one daughter played D-III basketball. Playing AAU basketball was more about being a better player and starter on their high school teams.
OTOH, I have nieces and nephews who played hockey. They spent tens of thousands of dollars on equipment, ice time, hotels, means, and often air travel to tournaments. Many of the tournaments were out of state and sometimes in Canada. They often left school early on Friday to travel to hockey tournaments. None of the four nieces and nephews played college hockey.
Unless things have changed since ours were in youth sports, the traveling is limited to the more advanced leagues, such as select soccer. Our oldest played U12-U14 select and we traveled back in the early 90s, but the other two only played recitational and all games were local. Same today with the grandkids, the two playing Little League, Soccer and Ultimate Frisbee are all staying within their city.
It seems these days so many kids are involved in traveling sports teams these days complete with exhoribitant costs and countless hours on the road. It's almost a status symbol with some parents. Are there any of you who don't do this? Specifically those with kids in sports, do they just play on their school teams or rec leagues (or others)?
My kids are grown and they never did. I don't think they would have known travel sports existed. My sons did scouts. My oldest daughter did cross country and my youngest daughter did archery. Both of thems wanted to do cheerleading. They found out sports in a small town can be political, who your parents are.
I stepped away for a few days and was just reading through some of the comments and I have to say I am shocked. Some of the opinions on here are so off base. If you or your child has never played travel ball you really don't know what it's like or at least enough to comment on it. Specifically for baseball a travel team is almost a necessity if you want to play in college. It is rare to get noticed by just playing HS baseball now. In fact there is a 17U tournament held out of my son's home park that hosts hundreds of college and MLB scouts every summer.
Regarding the costs of travel, at least for us, it's not that bad and we can afford it. Even for families that can't afford it many teams offer hardship dues. In regards to time I see so many comments on here saying the life of a travel parent is just hauling their kids around daily to practice and games. My son plays on one of the top teams in the country. He practices twice a week. That's it. He does his own work at home in between, but also plays basketball for the school during the winter and the baseball organization actually encourages them to play a different sport in the fall and/or winter.
Last point, which kind of bugged me was the chasing of scholarships. Why wouldn't he chase a baseball scholarship if that is what he loves. How is it any different than a parent helping a kid chase an academic scholarship by taking them to tutors, SAT prep course, driving them to community service things, etc.
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