How can I give myself more grace in this situation and not continue to feel like I’m a horrible mother?

[peabodyn]

OP

Q: Do you know what your problem is?.......

A: You're human.

If your best friend yelled at their own 1 year old and told you about it - what would you say to them?

You'd let them off the hook and tell them to try to do better next time.

Forgive yourself and move on and try to do better next time.


Best

[jbgusa]

Originally Posted by RubyandPearl

This probably should be in Parenting, but anyway. [Mod note: thread moved from Relationships to Parenting.]

Did yelling at him to GO TO SLEEP make him go to sleep?

Babies communicate with their parents by crying, it's supposed to spur the parents to find out what's wrong. Usually hunger or comforting or diaper change. Babies needs are pretty basic.

You're not a bad parent but next time your baby cries find out why he's crying and fix the problem.

Your parents were handing you a large serving of tough love. Listen to them, they raised you and know what they're talking about.

Is the father fast asleep?

[Sonic_Spork]

I think that one of the hardest things about parenting through the baby/toddler years, is that we can feel surrounded by messages that erase our own humanity and demand we be "perfect parents" (show me one, I don't think that exists.) Obviously yelling at your child to go to sleep does not "work"...it isn't like you sat down and logically reasoned out that as a solution. It was an emotional reaction to your own situation. Which is completely natural. You are not a machine.

People don't give a lot of grace for the fact that sleep deprivation will make you crazy, or that the sound of a crying child can flood your body with stress. Or those who do try to give you the grace for it may give you "self care" suggestions that sound bonkers, like how is a parent under high demand supposed to carve out space for a hike or a bubble bath?

I'll tell you a couple of things...first of all, be forgiving to yourself. I know that it feels scary to have done something that made you feel out of control, even if it was just yelling. I think that you know that yelling at your kid was not the end of the world, that you're really telling us that the loss of self control scared you, and if you think about it...you feel that way for good reasons. Your own mind and body are telling you that needs are not being met and there is danger in that. The child is fine, but YOUR alarm bells are sounding. Try to hear and understand them. Secondly, do whatever is within your actual means to provide care for yourself. I know, it might not seem like there is much. But there will be times that you need to put the child in a safe place and go be somewhere else for a minute. There will be times where, if you are able, you need to try and ask others for a bit of support, a break. And remember that this specific struggle will pass.

Every parent is only doing their best, generally. It's all we can do. Be kind to yourself.