How do people have time to be a parent? (activities, play, children)

[2mares]

Originally Posted by msRB311

On this particular forum it seems like there is judgement towards mothers who work. Lots of well my kids were more valuable to me than material things, I wanted to be home for them, blah blah. Sounds like there are some older posters here. These days lots of women put a lot of time into their education and career and don't want to give all that up once they have kids. I don't think that makes them bad mothers. I know quite a few SAHMs who seem to spend a lot of time on social media, watching netflix and drinking high noons as well. I think people have this image that SAHMs fill their days with museums, crafts and fun projects for the kids. Not always the case. Most kids are in school all day anyways. My daughter is in 1st grade and she doesn't get home until 4pm. My son is in 3rd grade and he is home at 2:30.

Now if both parents are working and miserable then perhaps this needs to be adjusted and looked into. Many people simply don't have the option to quit and live off one salary...or it just isn't worth it. On the other hand if someone isn't paid much it might make more sense to quit and stay home.

If someone feels passionate about being a SAHM then they should do that if they can. If someone feels they want to keep at their career then they should do that. I am just surprised by how many people on this particular forum think having one parent at home is the answer. The years of needing to be at home are short. Of course if they have a very highly paid spouse then they might not need to work.

My husband I both have flexible WFH jobs. We've never not been able to be there for our kids.

People have been parenting for centuries so if the OP has to ask then they must be living in a bubble.

I'm not hearing any judgement. I'm hearing what individual posters would like to have done differently or what they feel/did was right for them.

Because, perhaps in hindsight, many feel it best to have a parent home with kids, at least more time home with kids, while they are young does not mean they are judging others.

I had to work when mine were little and I was a single parent for most of it. I had a lot of help with childcare from my family or I probably could not have gone back to school and gotten the good job I have now. I did actually enjoy my career and found the year I stayed home to be mind numbing. I liked working, then. But looking back I wish I had been able to spend more time with my kids. Thats not judging others.

As far as the OP or anyone who is not a parent, I can see how they look at hectic lives of parents and wonder how they have time. At my age now I look back at my time parenting and working and wonder how I ever had the time.

[Remington Steel]

Originally Posted by lepoisson

Based on my current schedule, I cannot even begin to imagine how people have time to fit children into their schedule.

Below is my schedule:

7:30 - Wake up
7:30 to 8:30 - Eat breakfast and get ready for work
8:30 - leave for work
9:00 to 17:00 - Work
17:00 - leave work:rolle yes:
17:15 - Maybe run any possible errands
17:30 to 18:00 - Arrive at home
18:00 to 18:30 - Decompress and relax
18:30 - Cook dinner
19:00 to 19:45 - Eat dinner
19:45 to 22:00 - Relax, watch TV, read a book
22:30 - Go to sleep

Two times a week I tutor college students from 18:30 to 20:00 to earn some extra money and keep up my language speaking abilities.

I barely have time for my own life so the idea of starting a family and having children seems totally unattainable at this point. How do people manage children with busy work lives?

Says the person who gets 9 hours of sleep every night….

[lepoisson]

Originally Posted by Remington Steel

Says the person who gets 9 hours of sleep every night….

It ends up being a lot less than that because it takes me an hour to fall asleep and I get woken up several times at night. I've talked to a sleep specialist and apparently each person has a different sleep threshold. I guess I just need more sleep. My SO can get 5hr of sleep and wake up chipper full of energy in the morning but I'll get 7hr and am falling asleep at my desk at work. Not fair.

[CCS414]

My wife stays home to take care of the kids and I work. When our youngest reaches second grade my wife will start working 3/4 time so that she can be there when the kids get home from school. Hopefully by then or shortly thereafter I'll have enough clients that I can quit my job and work for myself out of our basement and be home basically all day. Also, my company works 4 10s so my days are long but it's well worth it to have Friday off.

I'm up at 5:30am and into work by 7:00am. Home by 6ishpm. My commute is only 20mins.
Wife and kids sleep until 7:30am or so. Once kids reach school age they will be up by 7:00am and be at school by 8:00am.
Evenings we hang out and eat, or watch kids shows then bath kids and put them to bed by 8:30pm. After that the wife and I watch our shows (me:Carnival Row right now or motorcycle racing) until 10:00pm then go to bed. I need 7hrs to function properly, 6hrs minimum.

On Friday I go mountain biking or take care of other life duties (go to doctors appointment, dmv, take care of car repairs etc..) after I wake up and take care of the kids in the morning. Saturday I spend most of the day with the kids so my wife can get a break. Sunday is family day all day unless I have a trackday then I'm out the door before dawn and home around 8pm. Our 3 are not quite school age so I'm sure at some point sports and activities will replace most but not all of my wife and I's me time.

[jetgraphics]

Prior to "glorious" socialism (1930s) and the ever higher taxes it imposes, one parent could remain at home to care for children.
To illustrate:
Tax (Fed) per GNP
1900 - 1.58 % (coming off war)
1905 - 0.93 %
1910 - 0.83 %
2022 - 44.4% aggregate tax per capita of GDP.

When you have to work 5 months before working for "yourself" it is hard to afford a family and children. Which is why there's a drop in population in socialist paradises. [/sarcasm]

[CCS414]

Another poster mentioned being young and having more energy but in hind sight I'm glad we waited until our late 30's. First, I was not mature enough to be a father in my early to mid 20's and I had to work while busting my butt through a very difficult engineering degree. Second, I'm done with college and now 15 years into my career making far more money then I did when I was young so my wife and I can afford for her not to work. If money is an issue and/or you dont have grandparents or siblings close by to help out with daycare or just to give you day to yourself once in a while then it would be very difficult.

Also want to comment that the work-a-holic culture here in the US was not what I saw when we were in Czech Republic and Germany. I guess I cant speak to the other European nations but people in those two countries spend far more time with their kids then we do here in the US. Moms in Czech Republic get 3 years of maternity leave!!

[danielsa1775]

When my wife and I did the double income with two kids thing, it was far more like this.

06:00 - Wake up
06:00 to 06:30 - Get Ready for work and wake kids up
06:30 to 07:30 -Get kids ready for Day Care/School, have breakfast and clean up.
07:30 to 08:30 - Drop kids of, return car and catch train to work
08:30 to 17:30 - Work
17:30 to 18:15 - Get home and pick kids up
18:15 to 19:45 - Cook Dinner, supervise homework for School Aged Child and eat.
19:45 to 20:30 - Clean up and pack lunches for next day.
20:30 to 21:00 - Showers/clean teeth pj's etc
21:00 to 21:30 - Read the kids a book and get them to sleep.
21:30 to 22:00 - Catch up on any other things that need doing. Like Laundry, booking appointments, arranging weekend sports, and other school based activities we needed to prepare for.
22:00 to 22:30 - Have our own showers brush teeth etc and try to get to bed.

The weekends are not much better. Its just running the kids to where they need to be, catching up on all the extra things that need cleaning (basically anything that was not in the kitchen), washing/ironing/grocery shopping for the next week and doing those extra errands you could not get done during the week, along with those valuable few hours you get to actually sit down talk to and play with your own children.

The bottom line is you simply have to sleep less, and be prepared to forfeit pretty much all your relaxation time, the only TV you will ever watch is that which is targeted at your children.

[glass_of_merlot]

I don't know how I do it. Wine helps with the stress. lol

[seethelight]

Originally Posted by wac_432

Below is your new schedule (once your kid reaches the “easy” stage):
6:00 - Wake up and get ready for work.
6:30 - Make the kid’s breakfast and lunch.
6:45 - Wake up the kid(s), send them to eat.
7:00 - Pack the kid’s lunch, school bag, yell at them to brush their hair, teeth, wash face, etc.
7:15 - Yell at kid(s) to get their jackets/shoes and get in the car/bike while you get your work stuff together and into the car/bike.
7:30 - drive/ride/walk kids to school and yourself to work.
8:30 to 18:00 - Work (need more hours to pay for kids stuff)
18:30 - Pick up kids from afterschool care, because you are a terrible parent who lets strangers raise your children.
19:00 - Cook dinner.
19:30 - Eat with kids
20:00 - Help kids with homework
20:30 - Help kids with piano
21:00 - Put kids to bed.
21:30 - Do dishes, clean up, empty school bags, fill out school paperwork.
22:30 - Run errands/shopping if you have someone who can watch the kids.
00:00 - Sleep.


There! Fixed it for you! By the way, this phase is WAY easier than earlier phases when the kids are less capable. Then you have to schedule time for changing diapers, feeding them more often, shorter school/child care, etc.

Don't yell at your kid(s). It doesn't work out well for you or them

[trusso11783]

Priorities. If you want children, you find the time. Plain and simple. It just works out.