Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I side with the OP. Kids need to understand that their actions have consequences, and Mommy or Daddy is not always going to be around to take the heat for the actions of their children.
Of course, the conversation should be non-heated and said in a "teaching" way.
I agree. The OP could probably care less about the kid and was mad at what the kid (careless human being) did to his car. The kid was 2 and was old enough to understand what he did. I don't think the OP was trying to send a message, he was likely angry at whoever damaged his car.
A similar example could be if a kid threw something and hit me. I'm going to say something to the kid not go look for the parent. It isn't against the law to say something to someone else's teen when they do wrong.
Agree with the OP. You said this kid is a teenager, so therefore 100% can be spoken to by another adult. Mommy is a few feet away so this is not a stranger danger situation, give me a break. Am I understanding that the boy said "Sorry..Not" so acting like brat to boot? Or did I read that wrong? Your husband was ok in addressing the matter with him bc at that age if you don't understand consequences then huge parenting fail. Mom seems like another snow flake parent
I think there is a difference in a teenager 10-13 and say a 16-18.
Mom was right there so in this situation I do think it would have been more appropriate to address the mother.
I also think that mother overreacted.
10-13 is a pretty big age range. My sons were still little boys at the age of 10 and in elementary school. By the time they were 13 they were both towering over me and were definitely teenagers. So, I think that the boy that dented your car door was likely closer to 10 than 13. His mom was right there buckling a younger child into their car seat and your husband had overheard the mom tell her son to be careful opening the door.
Your husband should have talked to the mom directly, not to the boy who was clearly under the supervision of his mother at the time.
On a side note: How on earth do you manage to have an 11 year old pick up truck with no dents in it? Do you use it to haul stuff or off road at all?
I live in Allegany County, not Baltimore County. My county is rural Appalachia, more trees than people type of place.
As mentioned in my first post, the best choices were to engage with the parent if OP's husband wanted to make an insurance claim, or say nothing if he didn't care his older vehicle was dinged.
It isn't a stranger's job "to send a message" to anyone's kid when their parent is literally right there. Either handle the matter like adults and exchange insurance information, or drive away like adults.
You live there but you aint from there I saw your post asking for information on a safe place to stay. Like I said in my original post if this is a problem then you must be quite privileged. There are more important issues than this. And I will say this as many times as I can who cares who gave the kid a lecture did he get the message? I mean clearly he didn't when his momma told him. Has anything bad ever come from lecturing someone else's kid you know besides incurring the wraith of a immature parent?
My take is that your husband should have addressed it with the mother. The mother already warned him so it appears that she does care. If you tell the parent, she is now angry at the kid and not you....the kid gets yelled at/punished by their own parent, problem solved. Confronting a kid (it was a confrontation and it was a kid) is always going to put the parent on the defensive.
You don't lecture someone's else's kid when their parent is literally right there with them. You speak adult to adult first, if you feel you must say something.
Maybe it's different in other parts of the country, or the world, but where I live, it would considered rude to address the child in this situation when the parent is present.
This is how I handle situations with other people’s kids.
Baltimore County I know about you guys. The way that you think is wrong and that's a fact. Like I said who cares who gave the lecture did the kid get the message? I mean he didn't get the message when his mother told him.
He did get the message and followed his mother's instruction to be careful not to hit the other car. But when he opened it after closing it, it swung open too far. It was an accident. It wasn't an intentional act. The boy knew he'd be in trouble, so closed the door and just faced forward, as kids do, waiting for the hammer to come down.
The mother was right there and obviously cared enough to instruct her son about being careful not to hit the other car. So she would have been receptive to the other car's owner telling her what happened. It would be different if she'd seen but didn't care.
Agree with the OP. At what point does a parent decide their kids are a PART of the outside world? Pre-teens are too old for the whole 'how dare you speak to MY child' mama bear routine.
Shortest distance between two points is a straight line-
The perpetrator and the victim.
In this case it was a young/tween. Who had clearly understood and iterated earlier that they understood the operation of the door. Accidents do happen , no doubt.
Two persons conversing is not an egregious act. How its addressed is key. I tend to be no different with a young one then I am adult. Ergo I do not cuss or treat it with any different of a tone. Cuddling is not going to realign the concern.
My sons' were corrected many a time when in a public area. And rightly so. Be it another adult guiding them to safety or advising that certain antics are not welcomed. Was I Mamma bear? Nope. I was usually in agreement and gave more attentiveness and seeing that they regarded the community in general.
Your children are NOT your inanimate property - they have two ears, a mind and some manners ( hopefully) to engage,respond and listen. Stop thinking that HOW DARE anyone guide your child or give heed when an error occurs. They are just as much a part of the public ...and can be open to guidance.
IT does take a village ..
On varying scenarios I stepped in when an adult was mishandling a situation was when they accused my sons of stealing a christmas tree they were hauling to our apartment. And the Adult was the PRIEST from the church. Of all people to make such a FALSE accusation. They paid cash, they were being mindful. Yet the Priest assumed because they were Teens they were up to mischief. The other times were also matters where my sons needed a liaison to hear out some miscommunication .
It's so ridiculous that so many parents don't want any other adult telling their kid they did something wrong when they damaged their property. Too bad.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
