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Yeah, why? If any of my children or my husband's, need a place to stay for a while, we will ALWAYS have room in our house.
We didn't start a family to pull the rug out from under them. Parenting is not an 18 yearlong side hustle.
Some of the people on this board it seems, just sit around and cackle, rubbing their hands tother, awaiting their kid's 18 th B'day so they can change the locks and give them the boot.
They seem to take sadistic pleasure in this. I find it cruel. For some today, cruelty is the point.
Actually that is what happened to me. I had gone to California for a month after graduation to see my brother and other relatives and I got home to find my stuff out on the carport. I eventually got back in but there was a rent increase from what I'd been paying for three years.
I then went to college where I went against what most people where I lived did and was a resident student.
My mother didn't believe I was in college because I was "the stupid one", so it was a year before she stopped telling people I was working there instead of going.
She was somewhat difficult to deal with, which lasted until the day she died.
In my house my child will always have room for himself when visiting. It's called now a "guest" room and it's neutral in design. There are still some extra clothes he could use as needed (PJ, bath robe, slippers, some pants, shirts, hygiene/grooming stuff etc)
He is welcome at any time.
Same with us, Elnina. The extra room is "neutral" - no posters or other teenaged artifacts, and it's decorated like a guest room.
We are actually downsizing from a 4-5 bedroom house to a three. One for us, one as an office and a guest/kid room. The office also will have a small convertible bed. Just in case. You never know what life may bring your way. I am also not from Ohio, and many of my friends live out of state. We need a dedicated guest room. We just do not need an almost 3000 square ft. home.
We haven't downsized since our children left home so their rooms are still their rooms. My son uses his when he visits from out of state. My daughter and her husband use her old room if they spend the night for some reason.
My husband and I already had home offices when they lived with us so we don't need the space for that. We actually would be fine in a smaller house, but it doesn't make financial sense for us to downsize. We'd pay more for a different house than our remaining mortgage amount, and we'd have to give up the acreage we live on to do so. We really appreciated the acreage and the pool during covid shutdowns.
My family moved house when I was 16 and bought a place that didn't have a specific bedroom for me since I'd be an adult soon. I slept in the "family room." As you can probably imagine, I moved out as soon as possible...if the intent was to send a message, that message came through clearly! In retrospect I think it was probably just a practical decision, but it didn't feel great.
My family moved house when I was 16 and bought a place that didn't have a specific bedroom for me since I'd be an adult soon. I slept in the "family room." As you can probably imagine, I moved out as soon as possible...if the intent was to send a message, that message came through clearly! In retrospect I think it was probably just a practical decision, but it didn't feel great.
I'm sure that you felt hurt. I'd NEVER do that to adult children.
This is sort personal to me. When my mother died in August of 1980, my father's girlfriend - one of his administrative assistants, moved in by Christmas. They pulled my youngest sister out of public school and sent her to The Emma Willard School in upstate NY. I was working at a medical assistant and my other sister, as a retail manager. I had three years of college in another field. My sister was able to finish her BA near home because her university was party of The State University of New York.
My other friend was living with friends of the family in New Jersey and working.
Before the girlfriend moved in, my father approved of my desire to become an RN. I applied to Columbia University School of Nursing and was accepted. I was looking forward to moving to NYC and training to be a nurse.
My father's girlfriend fired our housekeeper. We had grown up with her and loved her like family. She then said that our family dog was "sick" and had her put down. She was only 9 and a poodle. She was healthy. We were all heart broken.
Then the girlfriend invited her youngest brother to move into our house in the maid's room. He was arrogant and acted as though he owned the place. He and stepmom to be whispered all the time to each other.
The girlfriend really gave us both a ton of chores. Her brother did NOTHING. We had to wash his clothes.
Finally, she convinced my father that Columbia was too expensive, and he rescinded his offer to pay for the school. Since my father made quite a bit of money, I wasn't eligible to get financial aid.
My grandmother offered me a room in her apartment and offered to pay for a three-year hospital school.
I took her up on it.
At the same time, suddenly his girlfriend's brother who had dropped out of a local community college was attending a private, four-year college and driving a BMW.
She turned my sister's room into a guest room and said she had to leave. She moved in with my grandmother too.
In-between, we did a lot of couch surfing.
I can't understand how my father let her take control the way he did. He was totally complicit in our abuse.
I'm sure that you felt hurt. I'd NEVER do that to adult children.
This is sort personal to me. When my mother died in August of 1980, my father's girlfriend - one of his administrative assistants, moved in by Christmas. They pulled my youngest sister out of public school and sent her to The Emma Willard School in upstate NY. I was working at a medical assistant and my other sister, as a retail manager. I had three years of college in another field. My sister was able to finish her BA near home because her university was party of The State University of New York.
My other friend was living with friends of the family in New Jersey and working.
Before the girlfriend moved in, my father approved of my desire to become an RN. I applied to Columbia University School of Nursing and was accepted. I was looking forward to moving to NYC and training to be a nurse.
My father's girlfriend fired our housekeeper. We had grown up with her and loved her like family. She then said that our family dog was "sick" and had her put down. She was only 9 and a poodle. She was healthy. We were all heart broken.
Then the girlfriend invited her youngest brother to move into our house in the maid's room. He was arrogant and acted as though he owned the place. He and stepmom to be whispered all the time to each other.
The girlfriend really gave us both a ton of chores. Her brother did NOTHING. We had to wash his clothes.
Finally, she convinced my father that Columbia was too expensive, and he rescinded his offer to pay for the school. Since my father made quite a bit of money, I wasn't eligible to get financial aid.
My grandmother offered me a room in her apartment and offered to pay for a three-year hospital school.
I took her up on it.
At the same time, suddenly his girlfriend's brother who had dropped out of a local community college was attending a private, four-year college and driving a BMW.
She turned my sister's room into a guest room and said she had to leave. She moved in with my grandmother too.
In-between, we did a lot of couch surfing.
I can't understand how my father let her take control the way he did. He was totally complicit in our abuse.
What a horrible story! It's stopped me in my tracks! It explains so much about your sister!
Thank God you had a grandmother who was able and willing to help!
What is the right time to transition a child’s bedroom to another purpose?
I’m leaning toward when the child graduates college and moves most of their stuff out of the family home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12
Yeah, why? If any of my children or my husband's, need a place to stay for a while, we will ALWAYS have room in our house.
First, there is a BIG difference between maintaining children's bedrooms as their own for years after they live there (posters on walls/ trophies and toys on shelves) and having available space for children to return home and visit.
For my family, you lost "your" room the second you went away to college. It was usually repurposed into another child's room. I never had an issue with that. I no longer lived there. My family actually moved after I went to college and I always stayed on a couch or in a guest room (as did my older sister) when we visited for holidays.
I don't see a need to turn a kid's bedroom into a "shrine" after they've moved out, but if you do have the space, it's nice to maintain a personal space for each kid to have when visiting, even if it's been updated to also serve as a more general guest room, home office, workout room, whatever.
I'm sure that you felt hurt. I'd NEVER do that to adult children.
I'm sorry you went through all that with your father and his new wife. That's really cold, particularly the poor dog. Fortunately it seems that our life experiences have taught us to have more empathy rather than to be cavalier about others' feelings. Sometimes people get callous.
When you made clear to them that they have to stand on their two feet, rent or buy their own place etc.
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I find it cruel. For some today, cruelty is the point.
