Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Our nanny left just before Christmas.
To give some background, we emigrated over to this country almost a year to the day.
Husband works in elite sports coaching and I work also so we needed help for our 10 and 7 year old daughters.
Found someone nice although I would have preferred this male nanny to work for us but my daughters did not feel comfortable so I went with the lady. She was well qualified, experienced and the kids liked her. She could also start at 7.30AM and be flexible around our needs which changes weekly. All was going well, the kids really liked her and she was very reliable. I rarely saw her but my husband did as she worked more to his schedule.
We changed the kids school again as we felt that the first one they got into was not very good. But it was from here that there were problems. The nanny started reporting back issues most days. Kids being sullen, speaking rudely to her, not engaging with her, scowling etc and not using manners. We spoke with the kids about it and things improved for a short while. But then other incidents started popping up on the nanny's side. Still saying the behavior was the same so we repeated the process amd tried arranging treat days so the nanny could take them for hot chocolate so they could do something fun and nice with each other. That didn't work either.
The night before the nanny left, my husband came home to an angry nanny. She said the behavior had been really poor and the kids were being disrespectful to her. My husband tried getting the kids to say sorry but nanny was already out the door. The next day I decided to speak to nanny. I was starting to get concerned as the children always denied the behaviors and I wondered if there was a chance the nanny was misinterpreting things such as them being tired and not just disobedient. I spoke to nanny and said I want to be the kind of mom who believes her kids and that the children always denied the behaviors and that they were very happy at home with us. I explained that my eldest had a sore throat the night we spoke to them about her not answering the nannys questions. Nanny said she still has to reply and be respectful. Fair but I told her that it was important that things were seen from the kids side also. She also has 2 chronic diseases which I know one of which she is struggling with at the moment so I wondered if she was being less tolerant due to pain levels. We accommodated these illnesses and made adjustments at times for her so we were I have to add, always kind to her.
After she explained more I realised she was being fair and so I texted her to say the kids had been punished and then came up with a behavior reward scheme. She texted back saying that she was quitting as it was clear she was not really trusted or valued and that it would always be her word against the kids. I disagreed but her mind was made up. Husband texted her a few days later saying that he was really sad things had ended this way and that we do really appreciate her even if she doesn't think so. She replied saying I had made her feel attacked in her character and judgements. That it was impossible to come back from and that at the end of it all, she had tried her best by us all and hoped the kids would remember all the love she gave them.
Kids were upset and shocked when we told them she wasn't coming back but still denying the behaviors and I am also upset as apparently she told them a few weeks ago that if she wasn't there, they would only end up with another nanny. I just found that damaging and cruel.
Husband is still quite tense with me even though we have salvaged some form of new childcare routine but I can't help but feel like I need some feedback. Was I really so wrong to believe my kids and put their views as a top priority?
Should you believe your kids over the nannies? Honestly, no one can answer that besides you. It comes down to who you trust more. Do you think that they are telling you the truth or do you think the nanny is? Any other answer is going to be guess work as we dont know your kids or the nanny personally.
Only real piece of advice I can give is that if you get another nanny is to get a nanny cam if you are comfortable with that. Would tell you who is being truthful in the future.
While i might question why she would tell the kids that they'd only end up with another nanny if she left, I don't understand why that is characterized as 'damaging and cruel.' ?
I second the idea of a nanny cam. Maybe your kids are brats.
While i might question why she would tell the kids that they'd only end up with another nanny if she left, I don't understand why that is characterized as 'damaging and cruel.' ?
I second the idea of a nanny cam. Maybe your kids are brats.
I know from personal experience that you can find out your kids arent the angles that you think they are.
At this point it doesn't really matter does it? The nanny is gone. Stop working so much you need to pay someone to raise your children, and raise them yourself. They aren't babies. They should be doing girl things, after school activities, sports, girl scouts, outings with friends, and you should be involved with them.
Once you get to know your daughters, you'll know better if they are truthful and trustworthy. If they aren't you can gently start to guide them.
OP, there's one thing about this narrative that seems odd. You said the trouble started, after the kids switched schools. Prior to that, the nanny and the kids were getting along famously. Then suddenly, there was a change of school, and everything at home w/the nanny started to unravel.
Why would their relationship with the nanny change so radically after they switched schools? Are you sure they were/are happy with the new school? Could it be they're taking their stress out on the nanny? Maybe there's a lot of pressure to succeed at the new school (pressure within the school environment), or they're being bullied, or something.
I can't help wondering what could possibly have happened to change the nanny situation from sunshine and rainbows to animosity. That's very unusual. There must be an explanation.
OP, there's one thing about this narrative that seems odd. You said the trouble started, after the kids switched schools. Prior to that, the nanny and the kids were getting along famously. Then suddenly, there was a change of school, and everything at home w/the nanny started to unravel.
Why would their relationship with the nanny change so radically after they switched schools? Are you sure they were/are happy with the new school? Could it be they're taking their stress out on the nanny? Maybe there's a lot of pressure to succeed at the new school (pressure within the school environment), or they're being bullied, or something.
I can't help wondering what could possibly have happened to change the nanny situation from sunshine and rainbows to animosity. That's very unusual. There must be an explanation.
I caught that too. But what it comes down to is, they need to pay more attention to their kids.
Immigration is a big deal on its own. If your daughters are having problems, if the nanny had problems I would consider ALL factors, including adjustment issues related to this huge move. It sounds like you are looking at the superficial level of behavior. Dig deeper with the daughters or look at the more subtle attributes of what is happening with them. Do they have friends? How are they doing at school? Do they seem happy? What do teachers report?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
