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" Never assume that your kids are lying, or telling the truth, automatically." We need to ANALYZE what is being said to us, so that we neither ruin a reputation nor enable an abuser or pedophile. This came from two appalachian-born teachers, both of whom retired in the '70's.
~ Let them know every day, through words and actions, how much you treasure them.
~ Everyone, even the youngest of children, likes to know they've been heard. Learn to listen and acknowledge. I diffused many a tantrum by simply saying, "It seems like you're very angry (unhappy, worried, whatever the emotion of the moment is) because <detail of the problem>". Knowing that he had been heard and understood often helped my son calm down. This doesn't mean you acquiesce to tantrum demands. Certainly not. You just ease the extra frustration caused by not being heard/understood.
~ The other way I diffused tantrums was to put a sympathetic, concerned expression on my face and say "I'm sorry, I can't understand you when you yell and scream like that. If you can calm down a bit, then we can talk."
~ Drop down to your child's eye level when talking with him/her. Don't make them always look up at you as that can be very intimidating. Caveat: Past a certain age, this one is a "don't" for boys. See next point.
~ After a certain age, many boys do not feel comfortable making eye contact when talking. Learn to talk side-by-side (this is a toughie for many moms, me included ), maybe while sharing an activity, or at night in the darkness of their bedroom.
~ Acknowledge when you've made a mistake. Model for them how to make amends for mistakes.
~ The goal of discipline is to help them learn self-discipline.
My children's doctor said something to me once that made so much sense. He told me that children learn more from example they they do from what you say to them. I believe he is right.
My children's doctor said something to me once that made so much sense. He told me that children learn more from example they they do from what you say to them. I believe he is right.
So "Do as I say, not as I do" won't work then? ha ha!!
One of the biggest things in my house is having a schedule. Especially with bedtime!! My kids go to bed 1/2 hour earlier and they read for that 1/2 hour. Kids should be reading everyday anyway, and it is a GREAT way to get them calmed down so they can fall asleep. I'm going to continue doing this in the summer.
To believe only half of what my child says about his teachers and hopefully the teacher will only believe half of what my child says to the teacher about me.
This is what I tell my parents every year at our back to school night.
1.Learn to admit when you're wrong and apologize when you ARE wrong. This will happen many times as the child grows up since we're all operating without an owners manual!
2. Require respect. I've seen many parents who allow the kidlets to disrespect them in public and in private and it's never good and transfers from parents to all adults.
3. Never lose sight of the fact that you're the boss, not the kid. Households are a benevolent dictatorship NOT a democracy! Again, seen many who've abdicated this to their kids and it always turns out ugly.
Don't ask anything of a child you are not willing to do yourself.
Don't treat a child in ways you yourself would object to be treated.
(This is a good one for yelling, name-calling, shaming, humiliation, derision, criticism, hitting, spanking, punishment, and diminishment of any kind.)
Whatever you are asking a child to do, are you willing to do that yourself?
However you are treating a child, or speaking to a child, or whatever you are asking of a child.....consider how you would feel if you were being treated that way.
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), maybe while sharing an activity, or at night in the darkness of their bedroom.
