I had to ground my son for the entire summer (teenage, pregnant)
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t, he’s already blown his chances of ever attending college or university.
FALSE
But, we don't have anywhere near the whole story here. He was on a college track before Covid hit? Everything was stellar until the once in 100 year Pandemic?
There is nothing wrong with the trades. Most of those guys are business owners. They can make a ton of money. One guy with a small staff of 2-3 guys can easily plow in $250k a year for himself and his family.
I’m not going to send him off to trade school just so that he can work a minimum wage job for the rest of his life and have to still live with us for the next ten years. But, he’s already blown his chances of ever attending college or university.
I'm with those who say that you are making a terrible mistake.
Still, I have to respond to this. Why do you think he's blown his chances of ever attending college or university? That is simply incorrect. He would have a hard time getting into a competitive school right now, although if he aces his junior and senior years it might not be impossible. Still, he can go to a community college and get his general education credits there and he may be set up to complete his bachelor's degree at a four-year institution. He will be twenty-one then, and hopefully more focused and mature.
The idea that one can never recover from a mistake is a very bad lesson for your son to carry for the next sixty or seventy years.
I'm with those who say that you are making a terrible mistake.
Still, I have to respond to this. Why do you think he's blown his chances of ever attending college or university? That is simply incorrect. He would have a hard time getting into a competitive school right now, although if he aces his junior and senior years it might not be impossible. Still, he can go to a community college and get his general education credits there and he may be set up to complete his bachelor's degree at a four-year institution. He will be twenty-one then, and hopefully more focused and mature.
The idea that one can never recover from a mistake is a very bad lesson for your son to carry for the next sixty or seventy years.
Yes, I agree totally. He can work and attend Community College to redeem himself. The State schools have programs where the credits can directly transfer to the 4- year university. He could still attend a name brand college for a Master's degree if he does well (if college is even anything he is interested in). He can also go work for a few years and go back to school. Not everyone needs to have a perfectly laid out timeline. This has more to do with the OP's ego than anything else. The kid is going to be such damaged goods I hope OP will pay for the years and years of therapy he's going to require.
I’m not going to send him off to trade school just so that he can work a minimum wage job for the rest of his life and have to still live with us for the next ten years. But, he’s already blown his chances of ever attending college or university.
Plumbers make a ton of money!! That's just one example. Society needs people in the trades! They often make more than soul-sucking office jobs! No point him pursuing a career that makes him miserable! It's 40+ years of work ahead of him.
If he's tech savvy, there are lots of (inexpensive) IT certifications he could pursue.
My son is seventeen and will be repeating his junior year of school. He has received all Fs and he is grounded for the entire summer. This means:
- No TV
- No Computer
- No Video Games
- No Desserts
- No door
- No iPhone
- He will be allowed to come with us on our beach vacation, but he must stay inside the hotel room for the entirety of the trip with no access to the TV. We have arranged a babysitter with the hotel.
I know this year has been very hard for students due to the pandemic, but that is NO EXCUSE for my son to slack off and fail all of his classes.
Wow this sounds familiar ... My parents tried this when I flunked the 9th grade. About a week into the summer, I told my mom I was going to go to the backyard. I jumped the fence & left with a backpack & went to my BF house. He had wealthy, emotionally unattached parents & they lived in a house so big, they never even knew I was there. I hung out all summer long, eventually couch surfing & partying on hard drugs. I was a "missing child" & the police were actively searching for me but never caught me. I finally came to my senses & agreed to meet my dad at a doughnut shop & returned home ... 3 months later.
But the damage was already done. All's I wanted to do was to party & skip school. I never finished another year of school & was expelled at age 16 with a 9th grade education. Left home for good that next summer & was pregnant by 17.
What you are doing is dangerous & will likely result in an outcome that is opposite of what you are trying to achieve. You could lose your son. The streets are a dangerous place for kids & I'm lucky I didn't actually disappear for good before turning my life around. Less than 2% of pregnant teenage moms who never graduate from high school graduate from college & I am one of them. Even less escape drug addiction & I am one of those too.
My 3rd son flunked his Junior year & I didn't do anything but keep him enrolled in school & keep reminding him not to "do it the hard way" like I did. I celebrated his successes vs emphasizing his failures He graduated as a "Super Senior" & eventually started working in the oil fields, worked his way up the ranks & became a crane operator instructor, joined the Air Force reserves, makes a 6 figure income, is a married father of 3 & is completing a college degree in business. He's 31 now & much farther along than I was at 31, due to my struggles.
My son is seventeen and will be repeating his junior year of school. He has received all Fs and he is grounded for the entire summer. This means:
- No TV
- No Computer
- No Video Games
- No Desserts
- No door
- No iPhone
- He will be allowed to come with us on our beach vacation, but he must stay inside the hotel room for the entirety of the trip with no access to the TV. We have arranged a babysitter with the hotel.
I know this year has been very hard for students due to the pandemic, but that is NO EXCUSE for my son to slack off and fail all of his classes.
This sounds way too harsh for me. I think it is going to cause a huge backlash. Yes, corrective measures are needed for failing, but you have gone nuclear. I think it will cause more harm than good. I mean, if I thought this would actually work, then fine, but I think this extreme level of punishment is just going to cause a lot of damage with your son.
Had you said no phone or video games all summer, I think that would have been enough. Even limit computer time or put his computer in a common area where he has no privacy to use it. If he had a personal TV in his room, then remove it. But taking everything away all summer is just going to cause damage and a backlash in the future. It is too much.
Being strict is good. Being too strict breaks a child just as much as surely as too lenient. I know several screwed up adults whose parents were too strict.
I am 100% in agreement with Mattie and the others. My first impression reading the OP was HARSH, too harsh, excessive. Where is the hope? Where is the help for him to improve? Punishment teaches little, other than to avoid the person(s) or situation which bring about excessive punishment.
In dog training, I use NO punishment at all. Zip, zero, nada. I use reward and retraining. It's the same with children. What is the purpose of this punishment? To turn your son against you? to teach him resentment towards you? To make him hate school and everything about it? If it's to make him WANT to study or apply himself, this draconian punishment will not accomplish that goal.
You said your son "slacked off" - what encouragement, help did you give him when you learned he was in danger of failing? How did you help him? Was he having trouble learning? Or was he simply not doing any work? If it was the latter, how did you encourage him to do the work/read? Did you make a set time? Did you ask him why he wasn't doing the work?
That was my first thought.
We know that positive reinforcement works better than punishment. There is no positive reinforcement in his solution. Where is the reward for good behavior? None. Simply restoration from punishment.
My son is seventeen and will be repeating his junior year of school. He has received all Fs and he is grounded for the entire summer. This means:
- No TV
- No Computer
- No Video Games
- No Desserts
- No door
- No iPhone
- He will be allowed to come with us on our beach vacation, but he must stay inside the hotel room for the entirety of the trip with no access to the TV. We have arranged a babysitter with the hotel.
I know this year has been very hard for students due to the pandemic, but that is NO EXCUSE for my son to slack off and fail all of his classes.
At least I’m not one of those morons on GoAnimate who would ground their son for 173847739347474663638393 years.
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