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Does she actually have a degree in computer science?
Does she know anything else besides developing games? (a degree in CS would have prepared her for e multitude of situations). If the answer to the questions above is yes, tell her to find a real full time hob with benefits and cut her off.
Job in IT don't have to mean west cost. There are hundreds of thousands of jobs in IT in every domain imaginable (banking, software companies, engineering, education, research etc, etc). Her social anxiety is perfect for a job in IT where she should just sit i a cubicle and write code for 40-50 hrs a week instead of games. I know people like that (im a programmer as well).
This will help her be independent and put your mind to ease.
As for the boyfriend, he shouldn't even be in the equation now. You don't want to dump her into some dude whose life seems very, very complicated.
If the relation is serious it will survive. If not it wont' it's not the end of the world. Being self sufficient at 35 however is more important than anything right now.
Last edited by XRiteMA98; 08-12-2019 at 03:18 PM..
Well if he’s doing them a great favor and taking care of them I’d say it’s all his choice.
They can’t logically expect him to stop living his own life and put finding a spouse on hold while he takes care of them.
Seems like they have two choices in life, accept his help on his terms or go into a home.
We don't even know if the boyfriend has offered this. It was the OP's idea, most likely so someone else could take on her bills.
Well if he’s doing them a great favor and taking care of them I’d say it’s all his choice.
They can’t logically expect him to stop living his own life and put finding a spouse on hold while he takes care of them.
Seems like they have two choices in life, accept his help on his terms or go into a home.
Who knows what their living arrangements are precisely, and ,quite frankly, no matter what the boyfriend's situation is in his own life, it does not change the fact that the O.P.'s daughter should learn to make her own way and not be dependent upon others to provide for her.
My bet is on the likelihood that the bf isn't seriously interested in someone who only works 10 hrs/week. Unless he's a similar deadbeat, and doesn't have a job or profession outside of caring for his parents. More info needed.
Has she ever even met this boyfriend in real life? He's a caregiver for his parents and grandparents? Doesn't that sound a little suspicious? All of them needing caregiving from him? Maybe he is just mooching off of them. What would he be qualified to do if they died? I doubt his family would be interested in having another person moving in, especially a person that can't support herself. This problem of social anxiety should have been dealt with at least 20 years ago. She should be at least working at Starbucks, Walmart, McDonald's, if unable to find full time work in her chosen field. What happens if you die in an accident.....how is she going to get by then?
Has she ever even met this boyfriend in real life? He's a caregiver for his parents and grandparents? Doesn't that sound a little suspicious? All of them needing caregiving from him?
This is a very good question. OP, are you aware, that these days, your daughter's generation and younger refer to acquaintanceships online as real "relationships"? They call each other bf and gf, even when they've never met in person. We see a certain amount of that here, on our forum, when someone will start a thread about their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" troubles, and it eventually comes out, that they're talking about a pen pal with whom they've become emotionally involved.
OP if your daughter's social anxiety is that bad, she needs to be seeing a therapist and possibly a psychiatrist, who can give her some medication if needed, to address it. It's not going to get better on it's own. Anxiety usually doesn't improve with age, it may get worse.
I also wonder if she's magnifying the extent of her problems so that she doesn't have to work more. Regardless, I think at this point in her life, she needs some professional help to move forward.
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