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A very tragic loss happened in our family. My mom and dad died in a car accident a week ago. They were headed to a foreign city when a cargo truck hit their car so badly. It was excruciating seeing your parents in their coffins and being buried. Now, all that’s left are their memories, but I know I need to be strong for my siblings. I still have two younger siblings and I should be the one taking care of them, rather than my relatives. How do I do it though? I’m still on the process of moving on, but I know they’re also in pain right now. I’m only 24 years old and I think I’m still incapable of taking on the responsibility of being their guardian. Please help!
The first thing that I would check is with your parent's attorney and view their will. Every parent that I know prepared for the worst case scenario by listing the guardians that they wanted to take care oftheir underage children in case of their death. It is likely that they listed a trusted, mature couple to have that responsibility. Most people will list a sibling & their spouse or long time friends that they know has similar child rearing philosophies.
If your parents did not have a will you will probably have to go through the court system to be named legal guardian. Trust me it would be a huge, huge responsibility. Depending on the age of your siblings, this could change your life in ways that you could not even imagine at this point.
Assuming that you could support all three of your on your salary (if your parents did not have adequate life insurance or savings) even things as simple as handling homework assignments for your siblings and parent teacher conferences as well as doctor's appointments and long range plans such as their plans for college or trade school.
And, of course, all of you may need grief counseling and therapy to get over the loss of your parents. I know many adults, in their 40s and 50s, who were completely devastated by the death of parent and needed extensive counseling.
Please don't make any hasty decisions. Seek the advice of trusted advisors, your parent's attorney and your parent's financial consultant. Please work with trusted relatives such as your aunts and uncles and grandparents. Maybe there is a way to have significant contact with your siblings while the day to day job of being "parent" is handled by other relatives.
A very tragic loss happened in our family. My mom and dad died in a car accident a week ago. They were headed to a foreign city when a cargo truck hit their car so badly. It was excruciating seeing your parents in their coffins and being buried. Now, all that’s left are their memories, but I know I need to be strong for my siblings. I still have two younger siblings and I should be the one taking care of them, rather than my relatives. How do I do it though? I’m still on the process of moving on, but I know they’re also in pain right now. I’m only 24 years old and I think I’m still incapable of taking on the responsibility of being their guardian. Please help!
Sorry that you are enduring such an unspeakable tragedy. As far as raising your younger siblings, I take it your parents didn't have anything planned? No godparents? Even if you're their legal guardian, do you have other family members that can help like grandparents or aunts and uncles?
There is nothing wrong with the younger siblings living with other family members if you're not able to provide support.
Do your relatives live close by? Can they help? Like...maybe they can go to someone's house after school, so you know they're under supervision, and someone can get them started on homework...that kind of thing?
While I understand and agree with you, that your siblings should be with you, there's nothing wrong with leaning on trusted family members, for some of the day to day, if need be.
Out of curiosity, how old are your siblings? Teenagers?
you need to get to a family law attorney and have yourself named as legal guardian of the siblings . The family lawyer can tell you the rest of what you need to do in terms of planning and taking legal care . However you might need a trusted adult to guide you along in other things such as paying for the house if you parents did not leave a will and you might have to end up selling the house etc .. these are things that will have to be done NOW otherwise the state will come in and assume custody of these children . Please don't wait get to a family attorney and establish your legal rights over these siblings . God bless and good luck to you .
A very tragic loss happened in our family. My mom and dad died in a car accident a week ago. They were headed to a foreign city when a cargo truck hit their car so badly. It was excruciating seeing your parents in their coffins and being buried. Now, all that’s left are their memories, but I know I need to be strong for my siblings. I still have two younger siblings and I should be the one taking care of them, rather than my relatives. How do I do it though? I’m still on the process of moving on, but I know they’re also in pain right now. I’m only 24 years old and I think I’m still incapable of taking on the responsibility of being their guardian. Please help!
I was a similar age when my parents died and I took over the care of my three youngest siblings ranging in age from toddler to preteen. Parts of it were very hard, especially as I already had a daughter of my own the same age as my youngest sister.
I would find a therapist for the kids ASAP, so they have someone to talk to besides you. Additionally, you need to find someone you trust to execute the estate. Do not trust relatives as a group to deal with this, you need someone specifically looking out for your interests and that of your siblings. An executor will make sure all money issues are above board. You also need to find out the status of the family home ASAP, and determine if you will be able to continue to afford it (ideal but not always fiscally possible).
The actual guardianship itself is fairly straight forward. The only relatives who inherently have a stronger claim on guardianship are typically grandparents. If you can keep your sibs in the same school system, have a steady decent paying job, and no criminal history you should be able to show that they would be better off with you than a grandparent. OTOH, if you grandparents are around, healthy, and willing, and can supply those things that you cannot, you should consider letting your grandparents be the guardians.
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