Parents who choose fertility treatments knowing chance of multiples and then expect everyone to chip in (children, twin)
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Why do you care? If someone asks you to care for their sextuplets, you can just say "no, sorry, I don't feel comfortable with that." Problem solved. This is such a non-issue for 99.9% of people.
As for new babies, most people who have a new baby (or new babies) in their circle of family/friends are eager to help out. A friend of mine is unexpectedly pregnant. Her circle of friends is in the big kid/preteen/teen part of parenting. I'd LOVE to go over and snuggle that baby for an afternoon so she can sleep. It's been many years since I've cared for a baby and I'm hoping grandchildren are at least another decade away (my oldest is almost 17). Yes, I will be bringing her a meal and holding that little one... if you don't want to, then don't.
That would apply to at least 50% of the threads on cd then... not all threads here on cd are directly involving the op of the thread--- many of them are about concerns or questions with what others do or certain events-- such as threads written about someone who disagrees with their friend letting their little children wear no clothes at home (doesn't hurt the poster or anyone else ), or why some people don't tip (not their concern or business yet it's still a thread with replies) or why some people post awkward pics on social media-- those are just a quick few I skimmed off for an example...
As for a question if I'm in that position of expecting multiples- no I'm not...don't worry I'm not expecting quads, if I had taken drugs knowing it could result in quads I would humbly and on occasion ask for *some* help and not expect it or make shift charts and have other people calling other people to feel pressured to help with what I signed up for. A humble non-pushy request on occasion is one thing- a concerted effort to call people to come in and help almost around the clock, not. Actually if I recall an episode on Jon and Kate from years ago if I remember correctly to their credit I thought she had commented that they didn't feel right about putting off their parenting on teams of people and they plowed through and for the most part did the job themselves. So I'm not criticizing parents who ask in a humble thankful manner for *some* help, what I find entitled is the attitude of expecting constant help. On one documentary the mother of quints is trying to fill time slots on her chart she made to have all hours covered and exclaims how she will have to keep calling her sister (who has her own kids) because that time slot wasn't signed up for yet.
Why do you care? If someone asks you to care for their sextuplets, you can just say "no, sorry, I don't feel comfortable with that." Problem solved. This is such a non-issue for 99.9% of people.
As for new babies, most people who have a new baby (or new babies) in their circle of family/friends are eager to help out. A friend of mine is unexpectedly pregnant. Her circle of friends is in the big kid/preteen/teen part of parenting. I'd LOVE to go over and snuggle that baby for an afternoon so she can sleep. It's been many years since I've cared for a baby and I'm hoping grandchildren are at least another decade away (my oldest is almost 17). Yes, I will be bringing her a meal and holding that little one... if you don't want to, then don't.
"snuggle that baby"- singular
A little different than "snuggle, feed, change, rock those five babies"
Anyways what seems like has been lost in translation or ignored is the point was clearly explained is those parents who expect and push off that expectation on others. When I was a new parent, from time to time I asked someone if they might be able to watch her for a few hours or whatever. I didn't call her up and say "hey, I need your help- I still have 2-6 pm not covered-- can you please cover that time so I can take a nap?" One baby is still work, and I didn't take fertility drugs, but still on occasion I needed a little help - I never expected or pressured others into doing so. When they could I showed appreciation and if they couldn't I didn't enlist a team of people to make calls to get someone to do so. I adjusted or made do like parents often have to.
I guess entitlement is so common now in society that some people don't see what the problem with it is. I was raised with the understanding that things aren't handed to us unless they're a gift. My father was one of 11 kids growing up, his parents somehow made it through and all kids survived without teams of people coming in and out to take care of their kids. They might have had the occasional help for a hour or two of an aunt or neighbor but that was it.
Last edited by mondayafternoons; 10-16-2017 at 09:14 AM..
Is it me or is this just kind of a selfish entitled and very inconsiderate move to put all that off on others, especially tired out older relatives or siblings who already have a family of their own to care for???
It's you, and your attitude is miserable and immature. Best to keep it to yourself, and just say "no" if any parents of multiples ask you for help.
IVF multiples are usually the result of the limitations of the technology and the doctor's mistakes. Very few parents go into it wanting to deliver a litter of children.
Maybe those parents should kill all their babies but one so you won't be annoyed or inconvenienced.
It's you, and your attitude is miserable and immature. Best to keep it to yourself, and just say "no" if any parents of multiples ask you for help.
IVF multiples are usually the result of the limitations of the technology and the doctor's mistakes. Very few parents go into it wanting to deliver a litter of children.
Maybe those parents should kill all their babies but one so you won't be annoyed or inconvenienced.
Aren't you the same person who is against adoption in most circumstances?
Do you harbor a profound dislike for individuals with fertility problems?
It certainly seems that way.
1. I have one biological child and one adopted child. Both are grown.
2.I had trouble conceiving my first child - it took several years. I took metrodin, perganol and clomid.
3.I tried IVF for three cycles. I was only at most, able to produce three viable eggs in one cycle. It did not take. Had it worked, we would have had three babies, which would have been a wonderful blessing.
4.Most competent and responsible reproductive endocrinologists to (in the US) give a conservative amount of the medication so that having sextuplets is rare.
5.So rare that when it happens it makes the news or a reality show and the headlines. eg.John and Kate Plus Eight" and the woman known as "octomom" who reportedly asked for reckless amounts of drugs so that she would have many children at once.
She appeared to be seeking attention. Most parents are seeking healthy children.
THIS is NOT THE NORM.
Most prospective parents and physicians do not want to risk inseminating that many ova (eggs) because of the problems associated with multiple births.
Other than the woman known as "Octomom" - where is this epidemic of formerly infertile prople giving birth to veritable litters of children and expecting help from others?
Most people who conceive after infertility are grateful and want to spend as much time as possible with their children.
So who are these parents you speak of?
If their family, friends or church members want to help out, why is that your business?
There is no epidemic of this sort among the formerly infertile. These people appear to be products of your fertile imagination.
Adoption is finding a home for a child who needs one.
People needing organs don't blather how they can wait for someone to die, so they can get a new heart, liver, etc.
However, there are some giddy couples who covet a baby so much they actually rejoice in the death of another family!
Disliking these couples is normal, acceptable and perfectly understandable.
Here is the reality: because adoption has absolutely nothing to do with a couple's fertility status, there can be no profound dislike towards those couples.
Adoption is finding homes for children who need them.
"snuggle that baby"- singular
A little different than "snuggle, feed, change, rock those five babies"
Anyways what seems like has been lost in translation or ignored is the point was clearly explained is those parents who expect and push off that expectation on others. When I was a new parent, from time to time I asked someone if they might be able to watch her for a few hours or whatever. I didn't call her up and say "hey, I need your help- I still have 2-6 pm not covered-- can you please cover that time so I can take a nap?"
I think it is a little tricky in that a person can not physically care for the needs of four or five tiny babies all alone. It's not like being a parent of one who would enjoy a free afternoon once a week or so, but really could manage without it.
The mother of quads who is frantically trying to find someone to help her out between 2 and 6 pm is likely not thinking that she will be taking a nap during that time. She's wondering how all those babies are going to be held and fed and changed if there isn't at least one more pair of hands around. Whether or not you agree that anyone should give birth to four or five babies, once they are here, they need to be cared for. You can see it as "expect and push off that expectation onto others," or you can see it as "this person is genuinely concerned about the well-being of her babies and needs help."
No one has to help if they don't want to. I agree that pressuring others is not good. But as I said before, the critical period is the first few months and the mother isn't going to need that much help forever. It's not like she's asking people to sign up for time slots for the next 18 years. In just a few months you can set up those four babies in high chairs and go down the line feeding them with a spoon. Doesn't work with newborns and bottles.
It's you, and your attitude is miserable and immature. Best to keep it to yourself, and just say "no" if any parents of multiples ask you for help.
IVF multiples are usually the result of the limitations of the technology and the doctor's mistakes. Very few parents go into it wanting to deliver a litter of children.
Maybe those parents should kill all their babies but one so you won't be annoyed or inconvenienced.
Wow that is scary, what a dark place your mind takes you.. Jc all this post was regarding entitlement-- as I said it's become more common in society ( see thread about parents of college kids trying to advocate or meddle in their kids behalf-- while I don't agree with that either, the bottom line concern of that thread was also a disagreement with entitlement of parents)
If you have thoughts of killing babies that's on you-- this thread was purely about entitlement, not anything to do with dislike of kids. I love kids and babies - if you have those dark twisted thoughts that's on you
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