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Hm. I see expectations that he's going to somehow be 'cured' or grow out of autism and suddenly become a "normal" functioning member of society.
As the mother of an autistic son who is now 18 (though apparently quite a bit lower functioning than the one mentioned in the OP), I would say that maybe your friends have to adjust their expectations. I kinda think that would happen naturally as the boy grew up and well before 26.
Of course, it's stressful. Every parent wants their kid to gain independence and live fruitful lives. But sometimes, that's just not possible. I would step back and support what he CAN do and not live in a constant state of stress over what he can't do.
Since he is already working as a waiter, it seems fair to assume that he is relatively high functioning. The semi-independence of a group home could help him continue to grow to his highest potential and also learn not to be exploited by "friends" who want his money. His parents are most likely at least middle aged by this time, and they won't be there or able to be his only support system forever.
It sounds like -- based on this very limited information -- that they are still taking care of him as if he were incapable of independence. If he isn't, they need to get him on disability and get him hooked up with adult DD services through their local community mental health center. If he is capable of being independent and they aren't shoving him out of the nest, well, that's their problem right there. He won't learn -- he won't have to learn -- if they don't make him.
The adult in question has a job and drives a car. Very high functioning. I would tell the parents to hire a life coach experienced in working with transitioning adults. Then, with the aid of the coach, put together a 6 month plan where the adult child transitions out of the house to an apartment or other arrangement. Instruction provided for how to manage money, set up auto bill pay, etc.
It sounds like -- based on this very limited information -- that they are still taking care of him as if he were incapable of independence. If he isn't, they need to get him on disability and get him hooked up with adult DD services through their local community mental health center. If he is capable of being independent and they aren't shoving him out of the nest, well, that's their problem right there. He won't learn -- he won't have to learn -- if they don't make him.
Its not that easy.
We always thought my autistic brother in law could function on his own with some help from the Gov. Getting the disability and food stamps wasent too hard except for the fact that the Gov made it pretty clear that sooner or later we were going to have to pay for it in one way or another.
But anyhow. He rented a room in a down town area and moved out of his mothers house.
It took all of 2 weeks before someone robbed him and beat him so bad he was in the hospital for 2 months. He got out of the hospital and went back to his room for a month untill the cops beat him up. Back in the hospital after 10 days in jail. Cops beat him up because he wouldnt let them search him. Autistic people dont like others to touch them. This happened twice, then we moved him to another town.
two weeks later the cops in the new town beat him up because a woman called them saying he was playing with himself in front of the local school. We found video that showed him walking down the street then he scratched his ass. I guess scratching your ass is illegal these days.
Moved again out to a relatives house in a bigger city.
3 weeks later he was beat so bad by the cops there that he died. Someone called the cops on him because he was a stranger walking down the street and spending too much time looking at the houses.
Autistic people stand out. They are different. people notice them and think they are strange. They call the cops and cops expect people to react a certain way. Autistic people dont react in a way that people expect. You try to throw one on the ground, they usually fight back.
So, if they want him to live an happy life, keep him at home. Austic people really dont understand the little things in life that you and I take for granted.
3 weeks later he was beat so bad by the cops there that he died. Someone called the cops on him because he was a stranger walking down the street and spending too much time looking at the houses.
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OMG; this is exactly what I worry about with Luke. Nobody gets this; that this is happening so much.
I must live forever. Or for at least as long as he does.
This one I can't advise on; despite being the high functioning ASD parent of a profoundly autistic son. For me; my parents did the right thing by maintaining their authority of their home. I can't tell you how many times I heard "You can do it your way when it's your home & you pay the bills". This meant EVERYTHING: sensory issues or not; the thermostat setting, when the tv was on & at what volume. I was given zero control & had zero comfort! Being functional became my priority.
But I was capable of that & anything less would be holding me back. Without actually knowing this man & what his triggers/thresholds are it's very hard to say.
Call the local office for people with disabilities. Every state has it. They can get him into a day program or a small group home that has individual apartments.
What you're say is that the parents didn't follow through and weren't consistent with the programs in place and the, then student, was kicked out of school. Things only get harder and sadly the parents are paying the price for their lack of follow through. Maybe they should reach out to their community services board for information about group homes.
Why do people feel that it's ok to criticize posters like this? I'm reading things like this a lot, and it's just wrong.
If you don't have something constructive to say, don't post.
Just by being in the right place at the right time I befriended a young man, high functioning AS. His traits were lack of eye contact, ADHD, depression, anxiety and sensitive to sensory events. Imagine, going to a doctor, not looking him in the eye and asking for something for the inability to concentrate. He was treated as a drug seeker. This was over 10-15 years ago. Asperger's wasn't something most doctors had been exposed to or trained to recognize.
Any AS adult born in the late 1960's to the late 1980-1990's fell thru the cracks by our medical and educational community). Today, the lucky ones are productive adults and the unlucky feel life failed them, they're in jail or dead by their own hand. In my 40's when I met this man and helped him set up appointments for him with doctors. Another (now current) friend heard that I was helping an "Aspie" (his term) wanted to know if I would talk with him and give him some advice. We became friends (more like adoptive mom - he was finishing college). He was starving for friendship and company and girlfriend advice.
There are hundreds of these folks that were left behind. Most just want someone to talk to, in a world that doesn't know to spot Asperger's. (It's not a disease, you don't "have" Asperger's," or AS. There's no cure. The only reason it's called a disorder by the AMA was so these folks could be helped, but that dx code didn't exist 10 years ago). Next time you meet someone and things are off, try to remember As and have some patience. We have a whole generation that were dismissed and may not even know themselves they could meet the dx of AS (Asperger's Syndrome).
Unfortunately they have a special needs child and they often need special care their while lives. Rather than be frustrated that he hasn't changed over the years they should be thinking about who is going to take care of him when they no longer can.
I know of several adults with autism who either live with parents or in a special home. A few of them at one point lived in an apt with another autistic person but I'm not sure how that worked out.
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