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My son greatly dislikes being touched by people. Hugs, pats on back, and similar make him cringe. He can tolerate a formal handshake, but even that makes him tense. I try to be respectful of his sensitivity, but I also want him to not freak out if someone touches him. How would you handle this as a parent? He is in high school, and this behavior has been there for years.
Have you asked him about it? Why he doesn't like to be touched? I would try to get him some counseling. I would hate for my kids to grow up not liking to be touched.
If he is 'freaking out' when touched and he is in high school he absolutely needs some therapy.
My son is 16 and also does not really like being touched. I wouldn't say that he freaks out, but he definitely cringes away from people trying to hug him. I can generally hug him goodnight without him pulling away, but if I try to hug him before he leaves to go away for a weekend or something, he stands there like a stiff board. I am absolutely positive that he would not want to go to counseling to explore why he doesn't like hugs and to convince him to like them. I think it's just part of his personality. I'm also not a huggy person (though I was affectionate with the kids when they were younger), though I can fake it well when a friend moves away or something. Not everyone likes being touched a lot, and I think that's okay (unless it's negatively affecting his life and he's unhappy about it).
I believe it is a sensory thing. I did take him to a counselor once, and it wasn't beneficial. He has said he is opposed to a counselor, so I haven't pursued that since the one experience.
I wouldn't say he freaks out when touched. He just doesn't like it.
My son is 16 and also does not really like being touched. I wouldn't say that he freaks out, but he definitely cringes away from people trying to hug him. I can generally hug him goodnight without him pulling away, but if I try to hug him before he leaves to go away for a weekend or something, he stands there like a stiff board. I am absolutely positive that he would not want to go to counseling to explore why he doesn't like hugs and to convince him to like them. I think it's just part of his personality. I'm also not a huggy person (though I was affectionate with the kids when they were younger), though I can fake it well when a friend moves away or something. Not everyone likes being touched a lot, and I think that's okay (unless it's negatively affecting his life and he's unhappy about it).
This makes me feel better to read! Thank you for sharing this with me!
I was always very affectionate with him when he was young. I'm not touchy with people that don't live in my house though.
He is happy with himself. I just worry that it comes off as weird to others, when he doesn't want to fist bump or anything. Like I said, he seems to not mind the formal handshake, but other forms of touch are unpleasant to him. I don't make him hug me, but it seems like he could do that at least on special occasions such as my birthday.
Touch can be sensory overload, even in neurotypical people. They're so sensitive physically that it feels invasive and like it's too much. It could even be a germ thing.
I'd ask him to explain his feelings on the subject to you - not just emotional but physical reactions or the thoughts that enter his mind when someone does it. He is more than old enough to verbalize this and will do a much better job of it than strangers on the internet.
And if he just shrugs and says "I don't know" that's a good sign to tell him you can talk about it more another time. Let him think it over, he may just be reacting and really not have thought it through but some time could help.
Either way, respect the boundary and find other ways to express love to him that he enjoys. Maybe ask him what those might be . And don't lose hope - I was a kid who didn't like touch and even as an adult I'm quite averse to too much of it, but it doesn't mean I'm not loving or affectionate, it just takes the right mood and me controlling the interaction so I can halt it when I start get overstimulated or touched out.
Would you objectively think that perhaps at his teen stage its a form of rebellion?
I can understand not being groped or "forced" to give insincere gestures, yet when a person carries an innate displeasure for sensation of touch...Hugs or supportive pats on the back, it does beg to inquire what is at the root of this behavior?
He will at some point in his adulthood have to endure caress's and intimacy.....
As for the therapy, its a parents duty to seek assistance on some matters. He doesn't get to decline.
I dreaded teen therapy, til I applied what was being worked on.
He likens it to fingernails on a chalkboard or some other unpleasantness people in general might encounter. We have discussed it different times, and that is how he explains it. I am pretty certain it is a genuine sensory issue. He has been this way for many years, so it clearly isn't a teenage rebellion issue. I know my kid, and I don't think a counselor would help with this.
I dislike being touched by onyone other than my kids or someone I'm in a current realtionship with. One of my kids really hates being touched by anyone other than her SO, the other is a hugger and affectionate with nearly everyone.
I don't like it because I don't like people in my space, if you are close enough for a hug you are probably too close, it's a bit like claustrophobia. I'm also quite private and an introvert. I find being around too many people at once or around people for too long a time to be stressful.
I think many people find my attitude to be unusal, but I don't think there is any underlying problem or cause for my feelings, it's just a part of who I am. It doesn't really cause problems, though I do tend to tell people upfront at work that "I'm not a huggy touchy person, please don't be offended by that".
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. And don't lose hope - I was a kid who didn't like touch and even as an adult I'm quite averse to too much of it, but it doesn't mean I'm not loving or affectionate, it just takes the right mood and me controlling the interaction so I can halt it when I start get overstimulated or touched out.
