Should aesthetically challenged young boys avoid co-ed schooling? (girl, activities, child)

[nana053]

How did your mother attract your father? Obviously her looks were not an impediment.

[somebodynew]

Originally Posted by adroit45

My point is that when a young man is physically unattractive and horny (as most are unless they are asexual) the drawbacks of going to school with women supersede any possible benefits. Many receive a fine education at a single-gender school, albeit the cost of tuition for private schooling.

The primary objective of this thread is to share my personal perspective which clearly makes the case for single gender schooling for the unfortunate looking teenage male.

With adolescence being the tumultuous period of life that it is, the last thing an ugly guy needs is to be distracted by beautiful women that he most likely has no chance with. In my case, it hurt my academic performance, self-esteem, and generally made HS a miserable experience in general.

I am certain there were others like myself, who lived anonymous lives of quiet desperation. Yes, it is an embarrassing topic, to admit to your parents that you are a failure with the opposite sex- Writing my emotions here has been an extremely cathartic experience for me personally. I have acknowledged some things on this thread that I could barely admit to myself, and would most certainly never admit to anyone IRL.

Even more frustrating is the ultimate personal acknowledgement that despite ones efforts at socializing it is nearly impossible to overcome being dealt the blow of poor genetics.

It is my hope that my personal story, will help provide awareness to the parenting community.

My daughter is beautiful. Gorgeous really. She chose a pretty average looking guy to date, because they shared interests. He cared for HER. And did not see half of the human race as a hole to have a chance with. Is it possible that your attitude wrt women is the problem? Is it possible that you are wafting needy like crazy? Is it possible THAT is why you have been called a creep?

[lkb0714]

There is a pot for every kettle.

If you are looking for a girl who is of a similar attractiveness level as you are, then you should be fine.

But there seems to be a subset of young men, who spend time on the pick up artist/dominance forums, who think romantic success is a function of looks and money. It is not but because they only pursue the equally small subset of women who are interested in that or they give off that vibe, they never make a real connection with someone.

As for the OP, your resentments of your parents and the young women of your acquaintance are beginning to take on a tone of bitterness. Bitterness is never attractive. Accept the fact that no one owes you anything, not a cetain level of attractiveness, or attention, or a girl free environment. You and you alone are responsible for your happiness. And despite what those forums tell you, happiness leads to confidence, and confidence is the most attractive thing there is.

[somebodynew]

Originally Posted by lkb0714

There is a pot for every kettle.

If you are looking for a girl who is of a similar attractiveness level as you are, then you should be fine.

But there seems to be a subset of young men, who spend time on the pick up artist/dominance forums, who think romantic success is a function of looks and money. It is not but because they only pursue the equally small subset of women who are interested in that or they give off that vibe, they never make a real connection with someone.

As for the OP, your resentments of your parents and the young women of your acquaintance are beginning to take on a tone of bitterness. Bitterness is never attractive. Accept the fact that no one owes you anything, not a cetain level of attractiveness, or attention, or a girl free environment. You and you alone are responsible for your happiness. And despite what those forums tell you, happiness leads to confidence, and confidence is the most attractive thing there is.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to lkb0714 again

[adroit45]

Originally Posted by somebodynew

My daughter is beautiful. Gorgeous really. She chose a pretty average looking guy to date, because they shared interests. He cared for HER. And did not see half of the human race as a hole to have a chance with. Is it possible that your attitude wrt women is the problem? Is it possible that you are wafting needy like crazy? Is it possible THAT is why you have been called a creep?

No, I can state unequivocally that my attitude has absolutely nothing to do with the unfortunate predicament that I am in.

Remember, earlier in the thread I made reference to the fact that I have had many platonic female friends over the years, am known for my sense of humor and ability to make both men and women laugh, and am generally well liked in my community.

If you will recall, I summed up the typical female response to any romantic gesture I have ever made;

"That while they enjoyed my friendship, many of the same interests, and my unique sense of humor they simply felt zero physically attraction to me, and felt that under such circumstances any sort of romantic interaction would be completely futile"

As you can see my attitude is just fine.

Also, I am definitely below average. Your daughter's boyfriend is most likely above average, perhaps your perception of what is average is considered hot in her opinion?

I have never seen a woman with an ugly guy unless she was a golddigger, and great sums of money were involved. I am not rich by any means but even if I was but I have never been into gold diggers. I figure if the ladies were never into me when I was just a maintenance man and I suddenly hit the lottery, how long are they going to stay around once they finish spending all my money?

Bottom line, is that men who are physically unattractive should not expect to find someone who genuinely cares about them--Even if they are rich. Some men such as Hugh Hefner, are fine with this, and simply enjoy being with many women irregardless of feelings and genuine affection.

That is where I differ; If a woman is physically disgusted by me but simply sees me as a means to an end--Money--Is that a genuine relationship built on love/affection? No. As I said before, I do not simply seek sex (not into prostitutes), but I seek a real relationship built on love, affection, and mutual attraction (which appears impossible for me!)

I have seen poor couples are were extremely attracted to one another, and had a happy marriage despite their modest means because they were physically attractive/cute.

In some ways those couples have one over the old physically unattractive rich billionaire, with gold digger women throwing themselves at him (who would be gone in a heartbeat if he were suddenly poor). I would rather be poor and physically attractive, because at least I could experience genuine love with a woman despite modest means.

[somebodynew]

Well, I, for one, would not sing that tune to my kids EVER.

[adroit45]

Originally Posted by lkb0714

There is a pot for every kettle.

Accept the fact that no one owes you anything, not a cetain level of attractiveness, or attention, or a girl free environment. You and you alone are responsible for your happiness. .

No there are most certainly no pots for the unattractive kettles of the world. I don't know any mature adult who would be naive enough to believe and perpetuate this myth.

Well regarding being owed a certain level of attractiveness, all I can say is that I wish there had been a way to predict if a couple's child would be considered a mutant by his female peers. If so the parents would do well to avoid reproducing; why bring something into the world that will only struggle and suffer? It reminds me of keeping a sick dog alive, even suffering animals are shown enough mercy to be put out of their pain!

Or, if said unattractive child was born, perhaps they could chemically castrate him from birth or reduce his testosterone?
He would never know the sting of rejection, because he would be oblivious to the impossible desire of seeking beautiful women! That would be a most loving way any parent could improve an unfortunate looking child's quality of life! One truly cannot miss what they have never desired.....Essentially render the ugly child asexual, since he has no chance of experiencing sexual intimacy anyway...I do belive this would be the best solution of all!

A "a girl free environment", is what I personally seek out everyday. As I said before I currently work as a maintenance man on the evening and overnight shift. This is an occupation that suits me very well, as 1.) All my co-workers are guys, 2.) Working nights, I hardly see any women in public anyway!I certainly wish I had experienced that luxury during my years of adolescence--I might have made better grades!( I avoided college like the plague since most are co-ed)

[Lalaloopsie]

Dear Adroit45, don't be discouraged with your experience. First of all, you are too young to decide you gonna live like a monk just because some girls didn't like you. The problem is that you tried to court girls that didn't like you romantically from the very beginning, what means that relationships were not meant to be. What you really need, is to understand, that you cannot expect everyone to like you. Believe me, a lot of really good looking people cannot get attention from someone they like too. It is normal. You need to try to talk to girls again and again, with clear understanding that not everyone will like you, most probably you will get one yes for 100 no, but the more no's you get, the easier it gets for you to accept it. You are not a 100 dollar bill to be liked by everyone. Now you are basically too scared to try as you are scared to get more no's. it's a wrong direction.

What concerns sex, why don't you try some dating sites, where people just look for sex? You say, you are a sexually strong man, there you can find someone who will appreciate it. I understand that you want real relationships, which start from romantic, but for the beginning sex dates would be better than nothing. You would feel much more confident in yourself, if you would practice in sex.

Also, you can try to look for relationships with ladies a bit older than you, may be with kids. Young girls can be really cruel, as they didn't see a lot in their lives yet, but older women, who already had not very successful relationships (exactly with those good looking fellas you are talking about) will appreciate much more your personality, kindness, humour, your help than judge you upon your looks. And believe me, they will appreciate good sex, because they are not young girls, who just consider whom to give their precious virginity to and don't know what they want yet. Older women know what they want.

You didn't describe what are your main concerns about your appearance, but may be you need to think a bit about your image. Do you know French singer Serge Gainsbourg? This guy wasn't the most handsome guy, but he was married to JAne Birkin, a super beauty.
You know, for men body is more important then pretty face and may be, you should try to put some effort into bodybuilding. I'd you build a strong muscly body, many women would appreciate it. May be you should think about style you dress etc.
May be, if your sense of humour is your really strong side, you should change a bit the way you behave a bit towards humour? Making women smile is a big step towards interest!

And don't blame your parents, they did nothing wrong!

[larsm]

There must be more to your "story" then you've described. And by that, I do not mean you are not being truthful or withholding facts. What I do mean is that you, as many of us, are incapable of honestly assessing your own situation and all that goes with it; and, so, I would think you would greatly benefit from third-party counseling to understand your situation better.

I wish you luck, firm in the knowledge there is someone for everyone if that is your goal.

[lkb0714]

Originally Posted by adroit45

No there are most certainly no pots for the unattractive kettles of the world. I don't know any mature adult who would be naive enough to believe and perpetuate this myth.

Well regarding being owed a certain level of attractiveness, all I can say is that I wish there had been a way to predict if a couple's child would be considered a mutant by his female peers. If so the parents would do well to avoid reproducing; why bring something into the world that will only struggle and suffer? It reminds me of keeping a sick dog alive, even suffering animals are shown enough mercy to be put of their pain!

Or, if said unattractive child was born, perhaps they could chemically castrate him from birth or reduce his testosterone?
He would never know the sting of rejection, because he would be oblivious to the impossible desire of seeking beautiful women! That would be a most loving way any parent could improve an unfortunate looking child's quality of life! One truly cannot miss what they have never desired.....Essentially render the ugly child asexual, since he has no chance of experiencing sexual intimacy anyway...I do belive this would be the best solution of all!

A "a girl free environment", is what I personally seek out everyday. As I said before I currently work as a maintenance man on the evening and overnight shift. This is an occupation that suits me very well, as 1.) All my co-workers are guys, 2.) Working nights, I hardly see any women in public anyway!I certainly wish I had experienced that luxury during my years of adolescence--I might have made better grades!( I avoided college like the plague since most are co-ed)

Ah, there is the bitterness. "Mutant"? Really?

Attractiveness is on a spectrum like any other trait, and this is true for males and females. The issue occurs when young men do not pursue women in their "league" so to speak. But even less attractive girls want a nice guy, and there are many less attractive young men, who are not bitter, angry, and resentful.