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This is a thought that has been perusing in my mind for a while so I thought I'd bring it to the forum. There have been hundreds of thousands of parents who have raised their children successfully so it brings me to a question. Is there such a thing as a template for raising children successfully?
I mean not the 25 steps that you see online everyday but a proven process that when applied at each stage in the child's development, would mold him into a positive, successful adult ready to take on life.
I've already googled it of course, but found nothing concrete. Besides, it's more fun when discussed
After you've compiled this template based on the responses in this thread, please condense it all into a short, succinct 2 paragraph post, detailing how to raise children successfully. I'd like to print it out and post it around the house so I don't screw up.
There's never going to be a template for this. Too many people arguing about what is "right" vs what is "wrong". Just look at the divide between parents on spanking. Some people say it's fine and it works, others will say it's horrible, does long lasting damage to the child, etc.
I really do wish there were a template for kids, believe me! But parenting just isn't that easy, every kid is different. Every family is different. Demographics are different. What works for someone may not work at all for someone else. Because of this difficulty, that's why it's a reward unto itself if your children manage to grow into successful adults. It's a struggle for all of us.
True...let's look at it another way. There were mostly two parent households for the baby boomer generation. Aren't they the majority of the people who ruined I mean run our country? So yeah....two parent households have failed overall to raise good and decent people
Because having two parents has worked out so well for the people.
Good thing I didn't rep any of your posts that I agreed with! I know this isn't the politics forum (thank G*d), but really! You need to read some history. We're all in it together.
Do the exact opposite of everything my parents did, and your children will turn out fine.
Actually, that is probably the worst approach of all. Yes, I know, there are some parents who are/were pretty bad. But to say you're going to do the opposite of everything they did is "cutting off your nose to spite your face".
Do the exact opposite of everything my parents did, and your children will turn out fine.
Sometimes. I had a fun and loving mom but she was not a good role model. I learned to do a lot of things that were opposite of her and am a better person for it.. My father was a good role model but most of my influence was from my mother.
My mother was raised in a 2 parent household and she was not a well adjusted responsible adult.
First you have to love your kid unreservedly. That is the first thing. And you have to recognize that your child is not you. He or she is a separate person with separate needs, wants and requirements. But, as much as possible, you need to create family time with all the family together. Sometimes this is hard, but it is helpful if the kid feels he or she is a real part of a family.
You will need to exert some sort of discipline. You will have to set boundaries and expectations. You will need to enforce behavioral standards. How you do this is up to you. But you have to do this.
You will need to allow kids to pay the price for mistakes, foul ups and other problems they cause themselves. Even if they didn't mean to cause them. Kids need to know that certain actions cause certain consequences.
You will need to insist that kids do their own work. And you need to insist they learn to master several life tasks, such as running laundry or making their own lunches. Kids who cannot do things like that have a harder time in life, and often lack self esteem.
Kids need chances to shine. A musical kid need lessons; an artistic child need chances to be artistic, and so on. There is more than school for a kid; he or she needs chances to develop talents as long as he or she wants.
Kids need learn how to stick with new endeavors. They can't just quit if they are part of a team or performing group.
Kids need affection. They need to know that you will back them up, and that you love them for themselves.
You need to allow kids the freedom to make some choices in dress, or with spending money or other things. And its OK for kids to disagree with you about something, and it is OK for them express frustration or unhappiness.
You need to tell your kids that it is OK to say no to adults when they are asked to do something they feel is wrong. They need the power to trust their instincts.
These are the thoughts I have on this. I really enjoyed my kids at all ages. I am proud of the people they have become.
Here are some of the things I've tried to do with my own kids who are now ages 14 and 16 which have yielded some pretty good results....a lot of these were things my parents did for me.
-Require that they keep an organized, tidy, and clean room so they hopefully will apply this to their own houses someday. Important life skill. Require them to get rid of things they no longer wear or use every six months so their rooms aren't cluttered.
-Require that they are physically active either through a sport or working out moderately 3-4 times a week on their own. My daughter just quit soccer due to being tired of it, and now does spinning 4 times a week. Important life habit.
-Taught them about eating healthily within reason, and try to keep healthy snacks and meals in house.
-I've had them watch about ten episodes of Intervention to see the devastating effects of alcohol and drug addiction.
-We require that they maintain at least a B average and there are consequences if the GPA goes below 3.0 because we know that they are capable of this.
-Instill in them the importance of getting enough sleep.
-Tell them to forget about trying to be perfect or the best or some super achiever because they feel they HAVE to. Strive for being your best within reason in a balanced way. Balance studying-sports with some downtime and fun. Perfectionists often burn out or end up miserable.
-Try to instill in them some wisdom regarding finances, avoiding debt, spending beyond one's means, and savings.
-Around age 11, I had my daughter read a book about the dynamics of girls' friendships and social hierarchies and the behaviors that often ensue.
-When they were younger ages 5-12, we required they read 3-4 times a week outside of school assigned books.
-Eckhart Tolle. I've had them listen to short video clips of his teachings from time to time.
-I've tried to educate them about future careers, salaries, fantasy versus reality with careers, pros and cons with various careers, importance of being stable before having own kids someday etc so they can try and make wise, sustainable career choices in their twenties.
I would say that the most important thing to know is that there is no template. Every child is different and needs to be parented differently in order to successfully raise each child as the amazing and wonderful individual that they are.
Yup. You can do your best as a parent and things can still go wrong. You should still try to do your best anyway.
The one thing I think too many parents today are failing to impress upon their kids is that the world does not revolve around them or how they feel.
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