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The only kid in the neighborhood that I don't allow my ds, who is four, to play with is the girl next door. The girl is three years older then my ds. Her mother is in jail for assaulting her abusive boyfriend while visiting him in jail! She is a drug addict, and her grandparents who live next door have custody of her. This girl emotionally manipulates my son, and tells my son all about how her mom's boyfriend beats her up, and he smashed in all of the windows of the mom's car. My son is too young to be exposed to all of these tales. Plus the girl lies constantly. Any other kid he is welcome to play with as long as I know the parents.
Sometimes disapproving of certain PARENTS is more an issue than their child. There were some households that I simply didn't want my kids spending time around.
I think it is a trend of more helicopter parenting. But there was one friend I did cut off my kids contact with. And it wasn't because of the kid. The mom sent me some huge red flags with her behavior. It was hard, because my kids loved playing with hers.
But that is the only time I can think of doing that. There was an older boy on our street our kids would sometimes play with so I made sure I kept an eye on things when they did (I didn't really trust him either).
I guess there is a balance between totally controlling your kid's social life and just letting them run around and do what they want. Its a tricky balance, I'll give you that.
The closest thing to this that I've encountered is when I tried to reach out to some neighbors who have kids the same age. The parents were polite but always had an excuse as to why they couldn't get together. They never showed any interest or reciprocated any invitations. I gave up.
My kids are 10 & 8. They have been having playdates since they were 3 and in preschool. Since I didn't know these parents I always stayed at the home they were invited to. I alsotried to set up playdates at my house or at least meet at a park every other week. It's healthy for kids to interact, play and form bonds with other children their age. I would typically try several times with the same parent and if they didn't respond I wouldn't push it any further.
With that said....YOU are the parent and that gives you the right to end all contact with a child that you feel doesn't play "NICE". If I had a child come to my home and threw toys around or just wasn't a good kid, I never invited them over again and my child didn't go to their home. Simple as that. I also would explain to my child that however they acted it is not the correct way to act. It's a learning experience. My oldest is turning 11 and I still feel the same. I understand at some point there will only be so much I can do, but I would like to think that I have brought my children up to choose good friends.
I cannot believe what I am reading. Guess what? Your kids are going to have to learn how to deal with all different types of people in the world. If you are teaching them the right values when they are young, you should not be concerned with "bad eggs" they come in contact with. They need to learn as early as possible that we are not all alike, that not all kids will share their values and learn to deal with that. And, despite my age, I still remember my dad forbidding me from friendships with "bad apples". Of course it had the opposite effect - those "bad apples" became my best friends. And yes, he was right; they did not share my values, they got into trouble and grew up to have problems. But I learned from them. My values were instilled in me from my parents and extended family. So although young and impressionable, I understood from an early age that although there were qualities I admired in these friends, I also understood that because of their choices, they were at a disadvantage in life. That is how kids learn. Not by trying to "protect" them from all the "bad influences" in the world. Teach your kids what is important, then let them experience the world.
The more I think about this, the more ridiculous it seems. Kids "experience the world" at school, in sports, in scouts, at church, etc. Think of school as work for kids. There will always be those people we have to put up with at work for adults, and in those settings for kids. That doesn't mean I should invite them over on the weekend. At 6, kids are at the mercy of their parents for scheduling play dates. It would frankly be irresponsible to purposely put my child in a situation where their playmate might play too rough, unfairly, or hit or bite, or whatever. They can experience that kid at school. I don't need to invite bad behavior into my house.
I've noticed a lot of parents are not open to having their kids play with other kids, especially if they are under the age of 6 or 7.
I was one of those. My sons were pretty happy playing with each other. In my home there just wasn't a need to have more kids around. By the time they got to school they could have that experience or when they went to their cousins' homes. I had three kids in five years by choice. When they got to be school age they played with other kids at school.
To each his/her own. I still remember being 6 or 7 and a friend telling me his mother "didn't like my attitude". I asked him what"attitude" meant and he replied, "I don't know, but she doesn't like mine either". I still laugh thinking back on that. And if she were alive and knew me today, I'm guessing she still wouldn't like my attitude. I always feel fortunate that I was exposed to kids of vastly different backgrounds, soicio-economic status then my own at a very young age. I had friends without indoor plumbing whose dad was a worthless alcoholic, one whose dad was a famous surgeon but who could only criticize his wife and kids, and another whose mom paid an undercover FBI agent to kill her husband. Colorful neighborhoods. I know times have changed, parents keep a tighter rein on kids than when I was young but I learned early on that although my parents weren't perfect, a lot of kids lived far more dysfunctional lives behind closed doors. Most of us survived.
We went to the bday of a friend in an activities class. The bday girl, who seemed very sweet in the controlled group class setting, shoved a girl so hard into a door knob that the girl was crying, SPIT DIRECTLY into another girl's FACE and held my child against a wall. When we were leaving, the mom, was super friendly, here's my number let's have a playdate.
NOT IN A MILLION YEARS. Into the trash it went.
This one happened to a friend: The parents didn't actually watch her kid, but instead hung out and smoked pot in the garage while their older kid cursed at the tv while playing violent video games in front of the younger ones. She found this out when her kid was talking about the "cigars" the parents said they were smoking, because he thought they looked like "funny cigarettes you hold like this and not like cigars."
So it's not always overprotective helicopter parents
The more I think about this, the more ridiculous it seems. Kids "experience the world" at school, in sports, in scouts, at church, etc. Think of school as work for kids. There will always be those people we have to put up with at work for adults, and in those settings for kids. That doesn't mean I should invite them over on the weekend. At 6, kids are at the mercy of their parents for scheduling play dates. It would frankly be irresponsible to purposely put my child in a situation where their playmate might play too rough, unfairly, or hit or bite, or whatever. They can experience that kid at school. I don't need to invite bad behavior into my house.
Agree completely!
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