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I am sure a lot of fathers who work full-time, feel that they could spend more time with their kids.
When I work longer hours, 60-80 hour weeks, I get very little time to devote to my child. I feel mentally exhausted, and cannot , if I have the time, engage him.
Do others feel this way?
On a separate note, What are some activities I can do with a 4 year old? Just creative inputs to engage a 4 year old.
We usually do writing, reading, Lego / other building activity , Playing catch, swimming, etc..
My hubby did all the things you are doing with your son. But he also simply had the kids around with him as much as he could. He had them help to carry twigs and little branches to the wood pile if he was working outside, they helped to sweep the walkways with little kid sized brooms etc., they helped straighten out and organize the garage.
When they were finished, hubby took them for a ride into town to get ice cream. Basically, the kids were
thrilled to be with their dad. Going for a walk with the dogs, a hike in the woods - simple things. Didn't have to be organized or educational, just sharing time was perfect.
Heck, get a recliner, watch a sports game on TV , put your son on your lap and let him use you for a pillow as he takes a nap after a day of play.
My dad was in charge of giving me a bath every night. He got me the coolest water toys and I still have great memories of those times, even 40 years later. He also played a lot of board games with me, which was great since I was an only child. It wasn't what we did, rather just being with him, even if it was running errands.
Me thinks me hears a whole lotta guilt creepin' up. Don't be hard on yourself OP.
I agree with the others who gave fabulous advice. Just be with him rather than putting too much thought and energy into what would be most enriching. I have an 8.5 year old and read many many books and took a couple of modern fathering classes. The info and exercises in the classes were more for dads who were less engaged than myself (and you, judging by your post) but one of the great things I tool away from it was to not concentrate too much on enriching your kid but rather to create strong emotional bonds, which is oftentimes harder to do with a boy and have different methods than you would have with a girl who are more open to that. Some good take aways:
Create a vision for fatherhood - 20yrs from now, what do you hope your kid says about you? what do you hope he won't?
Establish a ritual dad time - 1x/month or whatever. Something that just the two of you do together. Doesn't have to be special. Just has to be a ritual.
Know the kid - know who they are, not who you want or wish them to be. Who their friends are, that they;re doing in school (boys often don't tell you so you need to be involved and find out from other sources), what causes them stress, a certain look on their face, their sense of humor, etc.
Let them know you - through stories. tell him what you were like as a kid and mistakes you made and embarrassing moments and accomplishments, etc. 4 is young for some of those things but as he ages, things will change a lot. Right now, I would just hang with him and do what he enjoys. Laugh a lot with him, kids remember that, especially for us parents who have demanding careers and don't laugh often enough. It's funny what sticks with kids. I went on a water ride with my boy when he was 4ish and I haven't been on a ride like that in I don't know how long. We hung on for dear life and it was thrilling and we laughed like mad together. He still raves about that moment - that few second moment. It made me think I should laugh more with him. I know it's hard.
The points above are paraphrased from a book called The Modern Dads Dilemma by John Badalament. John taught the fathering class. Again, the class wasn't great but the materials were pretty good and came from the book. He also has some PBS shows that he directed.
I am sure a lot of fathers who work full-time, feel that they could spend more time with their kids.
When I work longer hours, 60-80 hour weeks, I get very little time to devote to my child. I feel mentally exhausted, and cannot , if I have the time, engage him.
Do others feel this way?
On a separate note, What are some activities I can do with a 4 year old? Just creative inputs to engage a 4 year old.
We usually do writing, reading, Lego / other building activity , Playing catch, swimming, etc..
I do 70+ hours a week when I include my commute and it bothers me all the time. That said, I did all that I could. We had a set routine for bedtime. I got home about 8, their bedtime was 8:30. Everyday when I got home, I would talk to them while they got ready for bed, read them a story and spend 30 minutes with just us. On weekends, I took them for breakfast every Saturday morning and spent a couple of hours with them. We would go to the farmers market, play on a park playground, wrestle, finger paint. Whatever I could. As they got older we would wash my car and get drenched in the process. It was a fun time. I still wish I could see more of my kids, but I love the tiem we have. My kids jokingly call me Fun Dad because the little time I have with them, we have fun all the time.
I must say that Parents Need to give their time to their children. It strengthens the bond between them. If you are getting so busy at your work then you could spend the weekend with your family. Remember, your family need you and you need your family.
At 4, just taking a walk and letting him have the freedom to stop and look at and talk about whatever he wants is worthwhile time spent together.
Even if it's not a lot of time, if you can try to be patient and stay really focused on him during the time you do spend together, it will quality time.
You're doing great things already. My husband also reads to our son and that's really special time together. Since you both like Legos maybe join the jr club - it's free and they send a great magazine every other month. LEGO.com LEGO Club Home They also color together sometimes, quietly, no stress.
We have Dino, insect and now shark encyclopedias. At 5 now my son looks forward to looking something up when Daddy's home. Same with the lego magazine, when it comes he's excited to show it to him and go through it together. I think it makes him feel like he's around more when he can think about him and have things to tell him and show him. He also saves pictures for him to color that he thinks he'll like.
I stay at home and have talked about "daddy" throughout the day since he was a baby. We'd talk on the phone during lunch, or I'd say he'd be proud, or likes xyz too, or that he'll be excited about something. Just anything to make it feel more like he was involved in something he couldn't be there for.
I must say that Parents Need to give their time to their children. It strengthens the bond between them. If you are getting so busy at your work then you could spend the weekend with your family. Remember, your family need you and you need your family.
Loads of great stories being told her <hearts> I had a father who was travelling at least 2-3 weeks every month..and as Every body suggests..It's not that quantity of time so much as the quality of time.
In the meantime my mother took on roles that filled in..LOL My 90 pound mom would throw a baseball..kick a soccer ball, (try) hit golf balls ( practice balls) over the roof of the house (LOL chip shots ) which of course time then was spent retrieving them from the eavestroughs LOL ..
I'm kind of feel sorry for young men who feel they have to spend $$$ on their kids..yet somehow don't find time to do the very basic things with their kids. $$$ does not buy love, respect nor teach anything to these innocent kids!!
Course our father's never had their noses glued to their smartphones..reading texts and wasting value hours and minutes just engaging their children...
Personal~ My boys learned to TURN OFF those devices ..with alarm only allowing certain emergency notifications..So Yepper..My boys have kids ( 56 grand babies) who get that quality time..Thank Goodness..because God only knows THEY ( my Boys) didn't get that from their father during their childhood..
THAT was my mission really.. Teach them to rise above and be responsible and ENJOY their children's early years..because they ( kids) will learn to be responsible.
Bottomline..I feel I did stop the cycle of children NOT being availed interaction with their DAD..Course in the meanwhile..I had to rely on male responsible male adults to fill in ( Coaches, teachers and mentors) until they learned ..Boy did I luck out with having a great support system
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) which of course time then was spent retrieving them from the eavestroughs LOL ..
