Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
To a point, this is exactly what I teach them. Just last night I told my daughter she couldn't play ipad until she got her homework done. She shot back "but what about you?" And I told her my homework was to get dinner on the table and clean the kitchen, and I am absolutely not allowed to play ipad until my work is done either.
I may not have to say, ride in a carseat, but they know that's just because I am taller and my bones are firmer. But I have to wear a seatbelt same as them.
I may not have to go to school, but I sure did go to school when I was their age, and I go to work now. School is their "work".
They are not my equals yet, but I'm trying to teach them how to eventually become my equals. That's the goal, right?
Have they ever asked for the right to make rules themselves, as the adults in the house do? How did you/ would you respond?
In that case, come back in 5 years and let us know how it's all going.
Oh that's easy. I tell them that their Christmas presents are in the attic, and that if they peek, I'll just return them to the store. If they insist on peeking, Christmas is now a gift card affair. Done.
To a point, this is exactly what I teach them. Just last night I told my daughter she couldn't play ipad until she got her homework done. She shot back "but what about you?" And I told her my homework was to get dinner on the table and clean the kitchen, and I am absolutely not allowed to play ipad until my work is done either.
And this is what happens when you don't set boundaries and you raise your child like a mini adult. They start to act like adults.
Like hell a child of mine would retort back "What about you?"
If you tell your daughter she's grounded are you grounded to?
If you tell her bedtime is 8pm do you have to go to bed then?
Where does it end?
[quote=pkbab5;43699409]I may not have to say, ride in a carseat, but they know that's just because I am taller and my bones are firmer. But I have to wear a seatbelt same as them.
I may not have to go to school, but I sure did go to school when I was their age, and I go to work now. School is their "work".
Quote:
Originally Posted by pkbab5
They are not my equals yet, but I'm trying to teach them how to eventually become my equals. That's the goal, right?
Eventually yes, but not this early. Sorry, but they aren't your equal and won't be your equal until at least 18. At the end of the day you are the parent, you're in change and what you say goes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
Do you ever have a drink of alcohol? Do you regulate how much alcohol you have, if so? If that is the case, by your logic, they should be allowed to do the same.
Yes, this was me as a child as well. I would guess most children have gone through their parents closets at one point or another, whether allowed to or not.
That explains your lack of boundaries with your kids. You didn't have them yourself growing up. I never would have thought to go through my parents' closet. It was theirs and not mine to look through. The boundaries were firm. That was their property in their drawers and closets. Same with their mail and other personal property.
Have they ever asked for the right to make rules themselves, as the adults in the house do? How did you/ would you respond?
We would discuss it, and determine if it was a good rule or a bad rule. If it's a good rule, then we would adopt it.
Let me see if I can think of one... oh here we go.
My daughter gets stickers on her sticker chart for doing certain things. When she fills the chart up (30 stickers), we take her out for ice cream. The sticker chart rules are posted on the bulletin board. One day she asked if she could add a sticker chart rule: earn a sticker for cleaning up the entire playroom (if it was dirty). I said yes and added it to the list.
She has also asked to make a rule that it is the parents responsibility to keep her little brother quiet while she is practicing piano. We have adopted that rule as well.
She has asked about a few other rules that we discussed and said no to. We have no problem saying no, we say no all the time, and no means no period. However, we ALWAYS explain WHY we say no, and we always have a good reason. And at this time, there is not a good reason why she can't go through my closet.
And this is what happens when you don't set boundaries and you raise your child like a mini adult. They start to act like adults.
1. I do set boundaries, but different ones.
2. Yes they start to act like adults. That's the whole point. That's what I'm trying to teach them. I have 18 years to get them to act like an adult. A responsible respectful self sufficient adult who knows how to act like an adult because they have been taught how to and have practiced.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WeHa
Eventually yes, but not this early.
I teach everything early. Started them in mommy and me piano classes at 12 months. Rules and timeouts at 18 months. Reading and arithmetic at home before kindergarten. Birds and bees as soon as they ask. I cuddle my kids, but I don't coddle them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WeHa
Sorry, but they aren't your equal and won't be your equal until at least 18. At the end of the day you are the parent, you're in change and what you say goes.
Only to the point where I can enforce it. I mean, you can stamp your foot and say you're in charge until you are blue in the face, but if they walk out that door and don't come back then none of it matters. You are only truly in charge for only a short while, when they are still so small they cannot do anything for themselves. Once they are too big for you to pick up and put in timeout, and they can do things for themselves, you really only have limited control of certain things. And if you refrain from teaching them how to do things themselves just so you can have more control over them... then I'm sorry but I don't agree with that philosophy. My children are not my slaves.
True, as children, they are not yet my equal. But as much as I possibly can I will treat them with respect. Because it teaches them how to treat others with respect.
We would discuss it, and determine if it was a good rule or a bad rule. If it's a good rule, then we would adopt it.
Let me see if I can think of one... oh here we go.
My daughter gets stickers on her sticker chart for doing certain things. When she fills the chart up (30 stickers), we take her out for ice cream. The sticker chart rules are posted on the bulletin board. One day she asked if she could add a sticker chart rule: earn a sticker for cleaning up the entire playroom (if it was dirty). I said yes and added it to the list.
She has also asked to make a rule that it is the parents responsibility to keep her little brother quiet while she is practicing piano. We have adopted that rule as well.
She has asked about a few other rules that we discussed and said no to. We have no problem saying no, we say no all the time, and no means no period. However, we ALWAYS explain WHY we say no, and we always have a good reason. And at this time, there is not a good reason why she can't go through my closet.
You lost me at "stickers on her sticker chart."
A token economy actually makes some behaviors worse, and the fact that she talked back to you by asking what about YOUR homework shows that your methods may not be getting the desired outcomes.
That explains your lack of boundaries with your kids. You didn't have them yourself growing up. I never would have thought to go through my parents' closet. It was theirs and not mine to look through. The boundaries were firm. That was their property in their drawers and closets. Same with their mail and other personal property.
For goodness sakes. Personal property within a household is not the only boundary that exists! You are a smart guy who usually has some pretty good posts that I agree with, please stop playing dumb like "oh my gosh you have one different rule than we do you must not have any rules omg omg!" Some households do personal property boundaries, and some households do communal property. BOTH ARE OKAY. Just like some spouses have separate bank accounts and some have joint. Get over it.
I was allowed in any part of the house and allowed to touch anything I wanted. As are my children. Anything dangerous is in a safe or locked up.
Don't care.
Btw, my son is kind and respectful and asks permission for everything.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
