Living at home and paying rent. (step-mom, legal, wakes up, game)
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I have since moved out since this happened, but it still frustrates me, because the issue was never resolved.
I graduated in Spring '05. 2.18GPA or something stupid. I took the next year to work (I deferred my enrollment to Montana State University) In the fall, I started working at Boeing on a contract job. Great pay for out of highschool, crappy hours.
I live with my step-mom, my dad, and my two step-brothers who are like 9 and 6 at this time, maybe 10 and 7. Probably 10 and 7 now that I think about it. Anyway, on to the story.
Well, december rolls around and my ex visits me, and we hang out, watch movies, etc. 11pm rolls around and since she's home for the holidays, she's living at home and her mom is concerned about her driving home on the now icy roads. My house is also in a particularly hilly area of Seattle. So, I offer for her to stay here (she's done it before, but I think my parents were out of town)
We make out for a bit, and thats as far as it goes (I've been working 70+ hours a week, and Im just glad to have a good friend around), we fall asleep and next morning she wakes up, we hug and kiss goodbye and she leaves. I don't believe she saw anyone when she left.
Later that day (2pm, when I wake up), I run into my father who says that having girls spend the night is not okay, says step-mom. I kindly remind him that I pay rent, and that makes that room my space. He agrees, and states that step-mom doesn't want to have to inform my brothers of the birds and the bees. (I still to this day do not understand why she thought she would have to)
Anyway, this discussion goes on for a few weeks, I keep asking him to have her bring it up, so we can discuss this and resolve it. I'm steadfast in the, "I pay rent, I therefore have my space, and as long as I'm not doing anything illegal, then I'm not sure how its her issue."
So, my question to anyone who's been on either side of this issue, what is your thought? I ended up moving out in January because i was paying rent of $350/mo at home, and got a 4bd w/ 3 friends for $285/mo.
Remember, nothing happened, and as far as I know, the only known thing is that she came over, and her car spent the night. I'm totally game for telling my brothers that I slept on the floor and she had the bed or something if she's worried about questions up that alley, but I don't foresee that being a problem anyway.
Its been 2 years, and I'm still a little riled up about it.
Its your parents house and what they say goes wheather you are paying rent or not.
I am over 40, married for over 20 years and when we go home, dh stays in his mums house and I stay in mine with my kids. It is due to circumstances rather than anything else.
But you need to think of the 4 other kids in the house also.
Radak, you sound spoiled. So, even tho you're paying less rent with your roommates - who's buying the food, paying for the utilities, paying for toiletries, etc. etc. etc.
I agree. Also, years later you are still riled up about it? You really need to let it go! Was it really that big of a deal? (the answer to that is no). You shouldn't really hold onto things like that!
Gotta go with the consensus here. You may have been paying rent but their house...their rules - just like you have certain obligations/regulations to live by with a rental lease agreement. And I agree - you need to let this go. Surely you have better things to ruminate over than this!
I was in the same situation-19 years old and just moved in with my father, step-mother, and little brother and sister. My now husband and I had been dating for 4 years already, and I stayed at his house often, but I would never let him stay at my house unless my parents were away with the kids. I agree with your step-mother, and you should have had better sense than to let your girlfriend stay over, in your room, when you have little brothers in the house. Yeah, you might have been paying rent, but they're paying the mortgage and everything else, and raising those kids. I don't think it matters that "nothing happened", you should have shown more respect.
You've read this plenty of times now.. but their house, their rules.
It's like rooming with a friend without being on the lease. They can tell you to leave at any point in time and you have no say in it. Get over it, honestly. It happened 2 years ago.
It really wasn't about your space that you rented sweetie. It was about mom having to go where she wasn't ready to go with the younger kids.
Kids see so much on t.v. already, that I am sure the Birds and Bee conversation won't be so difficult as she percieves. But many moms and dads are more concerned about the actual example role you may be setting for the kids.
I am betting that they look up to you as the Big Brother. Mom may or may not know that but it still matters that the example you set be the one that she wants for the littler ones. That would include that it is "not alright to have girls spend the night in your bedroom".
The natural next step to that thought is the conclusion that you had sex with girlfriend. True or not true... it's the next natural thought for the kids. Mom simply doesn't want her kids to think that his o.k.
Kids jump to conclusions because their brains simply are not grown enough or contain enough info to consider otherwise.
Mom was right. Be the big guy, take the initiative and go talk to her and let her know you now understand her thinking processes and apologize. She's going to be in your life a long time.. she's your brothers' mom after all.
Radak, you sound spoiled. So, even tho you're paying less rent with your roommates - who's buying the food, paying for the utilities, paying for toiletries, etc. etc. etc.
Hope all works out.
I paid for my food, did not pay utilities at either location, and was rarely home. I worked 70+ hrs a week.
She was my ex at the time, and thus we weren't dating then, and again, nothing happened.
It would be one thing if it was a rule that was pre-established as one, but it was never mentioned, never discussed, or anything.
I'm still riled up because of the way she reacted and her refusal to talk to ME about it, and instead going through my father. Not so much about the incident itself. I have been unable to explain to her my rationale, the fact that its really not so hard to just say, "sleepover" and the kids are still young enough that they don't have a concept of anything beyond that (as far as I can tell) and I believe they trust me enough to take me at my word.
If we had been dating, I would have thought twice about it, knowing the complaints my parents would have raised. Theres also the fact that she's a young driver, this was in Seattle where we don't understand what ice is until we've slid on it 20 or 30 times (which generally takes 10-20 years), and the roads were sheets of glass at this time.
Its my understanding that the rules about co-habitation, etc need to be laid out BEFORE the lease agreement is signed, or in this case, while we're hashing out the details of the verbal contract.
She was not 'rooming' with me, which is generally a violation of a lease. She stayed over one night. Which, the only time I've seen a landlord freak out about that is in the landlord unreasonable thread under renting.
Edit: And at this point in time, Im living on campus in my own room, out in Montana. Its working out well. Thanks for the kind words
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