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My 3 year old is really testing my husband and I.
I find myself repeating and then it turns into having to be more firm and then I find myself yelling.
I do not want to yell. He sometimes thinks it's a game, and runs under the dining room table. Especially when I am telling him to go to the bathroom to use the toilet, wash up and brush his teeth when I'm trying to be someplace and get out the door.
I get anxious that he's not hearing me, but then I know that he is hearing me, because he will say in response that he isnt hearing me, being a wise guy.
I try the 1,2,3 method and it doesn't work anymore. I do time outs, but when I'm trying to leave and be someplace that can take a long time. I've tried taking toys away and that doesn't seem to be working either.
Doe anyone have some positive helpful advice to give???
Hm.
My wife has problems like that with our son. He is 3.
I don't.
But he even listens to her most of the time without trouble.
I think you need to figure out why you have a credibility gap with this kid. His behavior is pretty normal from time to time, but it shouldn't be all the time. And you shouldn't have to yell.
Is there a pattern? My son is always worse at night (he is SUPER cooperative, but night is when he starts to lose it with my wife or get the wiggles so bad he can't focus on anything).
Thanks for responding. He's been acting this way with my husband as well.
My husband works a lot and unfortunately, I think my son is acting out lately because of this.
However, there is nothing we can do about that right now. We also relocated a year ago and while he has adjusted somewhat, he's been through many changes in one year, not seeing my parents every day ( he misses them badly), pre school started for him a few days a week and I think all of these things may have made it difficult for him, sad to say.
The teachers in school tell me he's one of the most well behaved and polite children. I think they have the wrong, kid lol! He's not defiant all the time, but most the time he whines and does not want to listen to our direction. It's extremely frustrating. He is also a very active boy. Always wants to be out and about which is exhausting for me since daddy isn't always around to help.
I hate to say this, but this is more of a parent problem that a child problem. Your son is just a baby, he's toddler. Three year olds don't do things quick, they need to go slow and have follow up or a parent hovering over head.
Try slowing down and allowing enough time for him to get dressed, brush his teeth, use the potty, etc. before leaving. You just can't rush him. When you get flustered and annoyed because he is not rushing along, he picks up on your anxiety and it all goes down hill quickly. It's not that he can't hear you, it's that it is too much pressure for him.
See if you can manage time better. Don't get into the habit of last minute zooming around. Toddlers just can't do that well.
You also have a little boy. They are active ( I raised three). If you have a yard, keep lots of play equipment out there and find a good spot to sit down where you can supervise him while he plays. If no yard, try finding play groups, nearby play grounds, etc. and make sure he gets there often.
Then take a deep breath and relax. It sounds as if you have a typical little toddler and have done a really good job with him according to the school. Mom & Dad may need to just de-stress a little, go slow, give firm and consistent rules in a relaxed manner. Don't expect more than his age is capable of doing.
It is true. Toddlers run on their own time. Sometimes if they are particularly mature or seem smarter, we forget how little they really are.
Also, remember that will power is a finite resource. If you make him use it all day, at some point he won't have any left. Having to be a "good boy" at school all day probably runs him down.
My 3 year old is really testing my husband and I.
I find myself repeating and then it turns into having to be more firm and then I find myself yelling.
I do not want to yell. He sometimes thinks it's a game, and runs under the dining room table. Especially when I am telling him to go to the bathroom to use the toilet, wash up and brush his teeth when I'm trying to be someplace and get out the door.
I get anxious that he's not hearing me, but then I know that he is hearing me, because he will say in response that he isnt hearing me, being a wise guy.
I try the 1,2,3 method and it doesn't work anymore. I do time outs, but when I'm trying to leave and be someplace that can take a long time. I've tried taking toys away and that doesn't seem to be working either.
Doe anyone have some positive helpful advice to give???
The best advise I can say is to learn your 3 year olds strengths and weaknesses...what worked for me...may not be the best for you.
For us, what worked was to keep our daughter physically active, repetitively enforcing the main concepts (right/wrong. empathy, timing of behavior (sometimes it's okay to run around...sometimes its not)....and overall reinforcing the good behavior and redirecting the bad. Just take the time to know your kids quirks (because they all have them) and deal with them as a person..rather than some text book behavior chart.
Thanks for responding. He's been acting this way with my husband as well.
My husband works a lot and unfortunately, I think my son is acting out lately because of this.
However, there is nothing we can do about that right now. We also relocated a year ago and while he has adjusted somewhat, he's been through many changes in one year, not seeing my parents every day ( he misses them badly), pre school started for him a few days a week and I think all of these things may have made it difficult for him, sad to say.
The teachers in school tell me he's one of the most well behaved and polite children. I think they have the wrong, kid lol! He's not defiant all the time, but most the time he whines and does not want to listen to our direction. It's extremely frustrating. He is also a very active boy. Always wants to be out and about which is exhausting for me since daddy isn't always around to help.
He's probably "using up" all his good behaviour at pre-school and needs to let out some of the bad at home. Its pretty common from what I heard. If its possible, give him some time after pre-school to run wild outside to get out that need to do what he wants to do.
For getting ready, I've found it works better if I give my kid plenty of warning before its time to go, and plenty of time to get ready. And small children love races so setting a timer (an egg timer would work best as he can hear it ticking) and get him to race the timer to get finished. Or the two of you can race to see who gets dressed first, who gets their shoes on first, that kind of thing. Try and make it feel more positive to him.
Good luck, hope he starts listening better soon. Its tough, I know, been through it a lot with my 4 year old (still won't listen from time to time!)
Be consistent. Remember he is three, consistency is key with helping him understand what is expected of him. Like Natsku said, some kids need a bit of warning that it will be time to wash up, time to get ready. This may be the case for your son.
My youngest is 4. I've turned choices, a noun, into him choosing, a verb. That's been working. "If you choose to eat your dinner, you choose to have the yummy dessert I made. If you choose to not eat your dinner, you choose to not have dessert. You choose to not have dessert? What a great choice you made."
Moms were surprised at T-ball this weekend when I was saying, "If you choose to walk away from your team and not play, you choose to not get your popcorn snack. If you choose to play with your teammates, you choose to have popcorn!" A few minutes later, he walked away, and I just calmly said, "I see you chose to not have your popcorn snack after the game."
When I first started this, he would try to backtrack, but the video I saw about this says to stand your ground and they'll realize that their own choices can have consequences if they end up not liking the choice they made. You aren't taking things away, they are choosing the outcome.
The quieter and more focused my voice gets, the more my children, both mine and my students, listen.
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