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Kick your daughter out of the house for 2 weeks. Make her sleep out in the woods in a tent without a cell phone, so she will have to hunt small animals for food or go dumpster diving for scraps.
I had emotional "hangups" at age 14 like your kid and my parents gave me some tough love and it straightened me out. It's a cold mean world out there and fretting over meaningless punishment for your daughter won't affect a damn thing.
Get tough on her, and she will someday love you for it.
I have a 22 yr old step daughter who took $500 from my change jar, I think it's because she no longer is shopping, she just has to have something of value. If she sees it long enough it seems to become hers. She either buys it (she's in debt) or she steals my money. He dad would have given her money if she needed it. But ni. She just helps herself to my money. While his change is in a small cup ($50) ready when she wants...she takes mine.
The first thing I thought of is who keeps $ 500 in a change jar - what in the world? How do you even know that much is there Are you counting out hundreds and leaving it in a change jar- seriously ?
Maybe keep $ 10 and convert the rest to bills and bank them. Don't lead your step daughter into temptation. If you're absolutely sure she took the money, then you and her father need to confront her about it. You and he need need to be on the same page as to the consequences for her.
I agree with the suggestions regarding counseling, but I also think that the OP is on the right track as far as punishments go. Yes, the problems go deeper than "merely" stealing; but the daughter must still face the consequences of her actions. I agree with the OP's punishments, but I would make her pay back TWICE what she stole. That way, she doesn't merely break even; she will be in the hole, financially, from where she started. Maybe, hopefully, this will help her see that crime does not pay.
I have a 22 yr old step daughter who took $500 from my change jar, I think it's because she no longer is shopping, she just has to have something of value. If she sees it long enough it seems to become hers. She either buys it (she's in debt) or she steals my money. He dad would have given her money if she needed it. But ni. She just helps herself to my money. While his change is in a small cup ($50) ready when she wants...she takes mine.
Why are you letting a 22 year old who steals from you live with you? Five hundred dollars in a change jar also is foolish.
Once a kid has too much, they have nothing to "work" for & "earn!"
Who's paying her cell phone? Why does she have a bank account?(that she's aware of?)
Sounds like a really spoiled child. A 14 year old should not have any reason to be depressed unless someone close died or is abusive.
Now this is just dumb. Depression is a mental illness that is not caused by someone dying. That can certainly make one sad or make someone depressed feel worse, but it does not cause depression.
Also, depression is not just about sadness. It is an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness, isolation, feeling trapped, etc. Way deeper than sadness. 14 year olds can have a myriad of reasons to be depressed.
Why do they have a bank account for her? Probably to try and teach her how to handle money responsibly. That is why my children have bank accounts. They cannot access them without me but they understand the purpose for them.
OP....I know that you said she is in counseling but I am curious if it has been helping with any of her issues? Is it possible that the counselor she is seeing is not equipped to deal with the scope of her problems? I ask because I have had experience with counseling and we saw steady improvement. From your post it almost sounds like the counseling is not effective. I could be reading it wrong, though.
I sure hope that you find solutions for her. It is hard when you feel like there is nothing more you can do.
Once again, We are stumped for what consequences will have an impact on my 14 year old. She stole her step sibs Halloween candy, and has now been caught stealing money from her stepmother's wallet. (Dad and stepmom set a trap with $35 in marked bills). Step mom estimates that she has take $200 altogether.
Our daughter lacks for NOTHING. She had plenty of candy of her own. Her dad gives her an allowance. She's been stealing stuff since she was 3, but we thought she had outgrown it. She hasn't stolen from my wallet or her sister's in a few years that I know of. She is currently in counseling for depression and has been cutting. She's generally a pretty good kid...her behavior problems have always clearly had emotional roots. We are well aware she has problems, but no idea how to really help her. She is like an emotional black hole and no amount of stuff or love can fill her up.
We are so bitterly disappointed. Now she will be embarrassed to be confronted, which will start a new spiral of self-hatred and depression. I will have to enforce the consequences which will make her miserable to live with. We've decided on: Cell phone and laptop removed for 1 week. No social activities of any kind for 2 weeks. PLUS repayment of the money, and the candy, she can choose to pay it out of her bank account OR out of her allowance until it is paid back. No more allowance that is not tightly controlled...just handing her cash makes it too easy for her. Written apology to step mom and step sibs.
Are we on the right track?
And now it suddenly becomes an issue.
Your child needed discipline when she was three, now she needs professional help to try and determine why she is a kleptomaniac.
Your child needed discipline when she was three, now she needs professional help to try and determine why she is a kleptomaniac.
Don't listen to these people. Has your counselor suggested a psychiatrist? Chemical imbalances are not the result of poor parenting. I'm not saying that is what it is, I'm just thinking of another friend I have who is an *amazing* parent. Mental illness runs in their family, though, and many of these symptoms are things she deals with with her child.
If your child does turn out to have a mental illness, there is a serious stigma surrounding it. A support group would be really helpful for mom and dad if you can find one.
Don't listen to these people. Has your counselor suggested a psychiatrist? Chemical imbalances are not the result of poor parenting. I'm not saying that is what it is, I'm just thinking of another friend I have who is an *amazing* parent. Mental illness runs in their family, though, and many of these symptoms are things she deals with with her child.
If your child does turn out to have a mental illness, there is a serious stigma surrounding it. A support group would be really helpful for mom and dad if you can find one.
I agree with all pegotty's advice. DON"T listen to the previous poster's advice. Very bad choice.
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