Teaching your kids independence and life skills

[Momma_bear]

Originally Posted by midlifeman

Hello parents,

I'm reaching out to you for suggestions or projects that your kid can do that teaches them responsibility, self worth, and more importantly independence.

I have a Girl who is 8 years old, and I have to remind myself that I am not just a chauffeur for her activities but a parent that can put them in the right situation to teach them self reliance.

Example: I'm starting to let her order her own food at restaurants. The other day she helped me repair a damaged fence with a drill, screws, and a saw.

Any experiences you can share would be great regardless of age! Thanks for the feedback.

The most important thing you can do to foster independence is to include your child, in an age appropriate manner, in whatever you are doing. Let her help even if her help is not really helpful. That fosters confidence that she can do things and confidence breeds more confidence.

[Sonic_Spork]

With regard to cleaning bathrooms: I specifically started buying cleansers that have less in the way of harsh chemicals (ammonia/bleach--especially bleach) out of concern for chemical safety. I used to avoid letting them clean bathrooms because I worried about that. Now I don't worry about it. The stuff we use is safe, at least insofar as fumes or ruining clothes.

My youngest has been on a mission to learn how to cook. He's 12 and he can make almost anything that comes with instructions now, with little assistance from me. We started with microwave stuff and baking pre made cookie dough and simple mixes. The problem we have is that if the one thing he's in the mood for isn't in the kitchen, then "we have nothing to eat." *rolls eyes*

Have to say that one of the best things I ever did for my kids was martial arts lessons. Not because it taught them fighting skills, but because of the world of good it did for their attitude. They gained so much self control, confidence, and poise from it. I highly recommend it to any parent of any kid old enough to go into a Little Dragons program (which I think starts around 6.) It's just healthy stuff for the body and mind.

[Frihed89]

i told my kids that if they want to be independent then they can't own anything more than will fit in the trunk of their car. Of course they didn't listen.

[Natsku]

Originally Posted by Frihed89

i told my kids that if they want to be independent then they can't own anything more than will fit in the trunk of their car. Of course they didn't listen.

“But that’s how it is when you start wanting to have things. Now, I just look at them, and when I go away I carry them in my head. Then my hands are always free, because I don’t have to carry a suitcase.”

–Snufkin

[mamacatnv]

I'll add:

Allowing your child to visit the public restrooms in stores, restaurants etc without you tagging along.

Sending your child to get a specific grocery item that is located a few aisles away

My DD loved to help pick out the produce at the grocery store

Baking is a great way to teach cooking skills as well as follow through type behaviors

[Threerun]

I use the EDGE method with about everything with my kids. Cooking, home repairs, tasks, crafts- you name it. It's sort of been ingrained because I've been involved in Scouting just about all my life.

The EDGE method is a four step method for teaching a skill:

Explain
Demonstrate
Guide
Enable

Explain
First explain what you will be doing. Tell them the steps involved. Visual aids might be helpful for this step. Use questions to gauge their understanding.

Demonstrate
Show them how to do the skill. Demonstrate the steps using the actual materials. Describe what you are doing.

Guide
Let them practice the skill. Guide and coach them as they try to do it themselves. This step will take the most time.

Enable
Enable them by letting them do the skill themselves without any intervention.

I use it a lot. My son, who is 15, repaired a toilet, re-wired a bathroom, tiled a floor, can replace outlets, paint, perform auto-repair.. It's really been a great method. There is no dictating, it's an intuitive learning method.

[Ceece]

I didn't do anything specific but they seemed to know when they were ready to do things on their own without me and they would let me know. I was a SAHM and picked up the habit of talking to my kids with a running narrative of what I was doing, because I was lonely sometimes and just needed to talk. "Let's put these towels in the wash and add some detergent, now turn the dial an turn it on", "I'm spreading the peanut butter on this piece of bread and I'll spread some jelly on the other", etc. They heard how to do stuff since they were born so maybe it sunk in? Hahaha! There were things I had to show them how to do obviously, but some stuff they just figured out on their own.

I also talk that way when I'm home alone with my cats now, but with different results.

[Natsku]

Another thing, even in this day of GPS, teaching map reading skills is an important thing because GPS can fail (failed horribly in the middle of Lappish wilderness for us this summer! ) so having your child practice navigating on car trips would be good.

Originally Posted by Ceece

I didn't do anything specific but they seemed to know when they were ready to do things on their own without me and they would let me know. I was a SAHM and picked up the habit of talking to my kids with a running narrative of what I was doing, because I was lonely sometimes and just needed to talk. "Let's put these towels in the wash and add some detergent, now turn the dial an turn it on", "I'm spreading the peanut butter on this piece of bread and I'll spread some jelly on the other", etc. They heard how to do stuff since they were born so maybe it sunk in? Hahaha! There were things I had to show them how to do obviously, but some stuff they just figured out on their own.

I also talk that way when I'm home alone with my cats now, but with different results.

Just had a mental image of a cat making a sandwich wish my cat could do that!

[Zeurich]

my daughter is same age as yours,She start asking since she was 7 years old can I help So I gave her little stuff to do, she is doing things with me in the kitchen when I am in the kitchen, emptying the dish washer, cutting veggies, peeling potatoes, But she does clean her room, cloths cupboard, clean the bath after bath all alone. Bring the garbage bag to the container if it is not heavy she does that too.Some times work with me in the garden too. But don't push your child too much to get done what you want. That makes her stubborn.

[arleigh]

I find children learn from a very early age how to handle things by the way their parents handle things .
By 5 years old their character is being molded by their environment.
I had to teach my wife how to cook subsequently my children learned to cook as well and both are excellent professionals in cooking . My son loves carpentry and construction and is very creative and people are impressed with his work every where.
Having seen how as parents we handle things our kids take the very same approach to their issues .
I believe in the EDGE method though I never called it that , and a great many skills are picked up like this .
Personally I learn by doing so that is how I approach teaching .
One of my son's favorite jobs is painting professionally , and it started at home when we were building a work shop .
He was about 7-8 and I demonstrated wearing the PPEs and using the spray gun and safety issues concerning it's use .
We sprayed the plywood before assembly ,that way all the edges were covered and touch up was not required.
When he began using the equipment, and we could see he paid attention, I took a picture of him working, and you could see his reflection in the freshly sprayed paint , it was a beautiful shot he treasures .
I also taught my kids photography, and developing film, of course now days they have cameras that make mine dinosaurs.
My son has a love for animals and wild life, and my daughter landscapes and places like Yellow Stone .
I raised my kids in the mountains, and often we would stop and simply enjoy the sun rise, and or sun set, and watch the clouds a while.
When they were very young I took them with me swimming in the ocean , I did some free diving and because the water was a bit cold I didn't make them get in but , they learned to be good swimmers eventually and completely unafraid of the water.
I also taught my family how to shoot safely, and my kids are a better shot than is from time to time. they are very aware of gun safety, as with all that I have taught through the years .
My son and I took up fencing together and so we both were learning the art at the same time . What a challenging sport and even little 8 and 10 year olds were doing well in our class .
I see a great bonding when learning together and not just me teaching them what I know , I suspect that when my grand son is old enough he will learn as his dad did .