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I'm picking them up tomorrow and we'll try to get the youngest to spend the night here. How can I assure him that he's as safe with me as he's with his mother?
Make sure he takes his blankie or teddy or whoever. Make one little corner his (maybe beside the bed where he will be sleeping) and make it cozy. Let him set it up and park his stuff. He can retreat there if he needs to. Also let him call his mom until she gets sick of it and she can get him to stop.
I have two sons aged 4 and 2. I've never truly been together with their mother, we had an on-and-off sort of casual relationship. A complicated story but it's all settled now.
I'm very dedicated to my job and there are times when I work like 100 hours a week. I still find time to go to the gym 3 times a week to release a bit of testosterone otherwise I start going crazy. I get to spend all Saturday or Sunday with the boys and they come for dinner every Thrusday unless I'm really unavailable.
They also stay with my parents twice a week. The problem is that many times I have to solve a last minute problem and end up staying there until 10 PM on the Thrusday they were supposed to be with me. Then I miss several weekends as well because I'm abroad on a work trip.
Their mother often tells me how disappointed they are when they find out they're not going to be with on that weekend. They don't stay overnight with me because the youngest one is too little and the oldest says he won't stay without his brother.
I got a proposal to get promoted but I would have to be on work trips about 60% of the year and keep up the rhythm. I already earn rather well and I was thinking if a bit more money is worth everything.
I was speaking with their mother the other day and she mentioned if I ever noticed how the oldest uses the formal 'you' in our language when he speaks to me and he's only for. I think he picked that up by listening to me speaking with my own father. I told her my father was never around much and we still get along well. She said "Are you sure? When I see you with your father I see two businessmen".
I don't know what to think of all of this, I thought I was making an effort with them.
I feel bad for your kids....
Stop wasting time & making lame excuses- go enjoy every minute you get with them.
You're right, I'll try to change my schedule so I can spend more time with them. Their mother says I can go see them whenever I want on weekedays but I also don't want to disturb their routine too much. I believe they need stability (especially now as the oldest is starting to wonder why his parents aren't together).
You dropping by is not destabilizing to them, it is worse if you keep on cancelling your scheduled times. In fact you should take her up on that offer, I am sure they won't skip dinner just because you're around.
They were super excited for coming here today, they're taking a nap now. Hope it goes well at night.
I asked the oldest if he apologised dad for not being with him very often. Couldn't believe it when he answered "Don't worry dad, life is difficult." He's so grown up.
You dropping by is not destabilizing to them, it is worse if you keep on cancelling your scheduled times. In fact you should take her up on that offer, I am sure they won't skip dinner just because you're around.
This doesn't harm them; they would love to see their dad more.
In short, no, you do not spend enough time with your kids because you choose not to. You need to learn to say, "no, I'm going to get my kids." Do that often enough and people won't bring you last minute issues because it is Thusday, and they know that is when you get your kids.
They were super excited for coming here today, they're taking a nap now. Hope it goes well at night.
I asked the oldest if he apologised dad for not being with him very often. Couldn't believe it when he answered "Don't worry dad, life is difficult." He's so grown up.
He is grown up because he is a child who has been forced to adapt to not having a father around.
He is grown up because he is a child who has been forced to adapt to not having a father around.
I wouldn't go that far, I think he's just a very smart little one. He does say quite a few things that are very grown up.
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He's so grown up.