Out of control toddlers...don't want them to run the future
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You need to train them and give clear consequences.
" We are going to go to McDonalds for lunch and we are going to stay seated, if you do not, we will leave". <- teaching and giving clear consequence.
- youre there and they start to jump around, give one warning. " Mommy said we are to stay seated, if you do not sit down right now, we will leave" <- re-teaching and giving clear consequence and warning.
- they still dont sit. " Mommy told you to stay seated to eat and you did not, so we are leaving ".
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Its not that youre doing it wrong or a failure, youre not. You just need to tweak some things.
You need to train them and give clear consequences.
" We are going to go to McDonalds for lunch and we are going to stay seated, if you do not, we will leave". <- teaching and giving clear consequence.
- youre there and they start to jump around, give one warning. " Mommy said we are to stay seated, if you do not sit down right now, we will leave" <- re-teaching and giving clear consequence and warning.
- they still dont sit. " Mommy told you to stay seated to eat and you did not, so we are leaving ".
I often read stuff like that and it kind of baffles me: did that really work for your kids??
Do I have the only kid in the world who couldn't care less if we left the restaurant or the store?? Certainly not at 2! By 3 he would maybe throw a fit about leaving, but that still wouldn't prevent him from acting up next time - the kid never seemed to learn from his mistakes!
Also, it did work a few times at a park or playspace where he actually wanted to be and was not playing nice or something. But when he would act up in a store or restaurant it usually meant he just didn't want to be there - is that then teaching him a good lesson to get up and leave, so he learns we get to leave if he throws a fit? What if we've already ordered our food or need to get the groceries or whatever? Seems very counterproductive to me - wouldn't a better lesson be that mom and dad get to finish whatever it is they need to do, whether or not he's throwing a fit? Of course then you have the people around you give you looks and judge you for not taking them out. It's really a lose-lose scenario.
I often read stuff like that and it kind of baffles me: did that really work for your kids??
Do I have the only kid in the world who couldn't care less if we left the restaurant or the store?? Certainly not at 2! By 3 he would maybe throw a fit about leaving, but that still wouldn't prevent him. from acting up next time - the kid never seemed to learn from his mistakes!
Also, it did work a few times at a park or playspace where he actually wanted to be and was not playing nice or something. But when he would act up in a store or restaurant it usually meant he just didn't want to be there - is that then teaching him a good lesson to get up and leave, so he learns we get to leave if he throws a fit? What if we've already ordered our food or need to get the groceries or whatever? Seems very counterproductive to me - wouldn't a better lesson be that mom and dad get to finish whatever it is they need to do, whether or not he's throwing a fit? Of course then you have the people around you give you looks and judge you for not taking them out. It's really a lose-lose scenario.
Sure, so do something different, like sit him in a timeout (for example) and then finish what you need to finish, which doesn't reward him in any way. Take him to the car if it disturbs other people, but finish what you need to finish - even if it takes all day. You have to follow through.
The point isn't that you leave the premises, the point is that there's an immediate consequence. For most kids leaving is it. You just need to find what works for yours.
I am very frustrated. I need some sort of parenting program or book that gives step-by-step instructions for how to deal with 3 year olds who don't listen and 2 year olds who cry all the time.
not the toddlers problem
your post seems exaggerated. If my 2 year old really cried that much. . .I would be going to the doctor, not whining online
You need to train them and give clear consequences.
" We are going to go to McDonalds for lunch and we are going to stay seated, if you do not, we will leave". <- teaching and giving clear consequence.
- youre there and they start to jump around, give one warning. " Mommy said we are to stay seated, if you do not sit down right now, we will leave" <- re-teaching and giving clear consequence and warning.
- they still dont sit. " Mommy told you to stay seated to eat and you did not, so we are leaving ".
----------------
Its not that youre doing it wrong or a failure, youre not. You just need to tweak some things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie
I often read stuff like that and it kind of baffles me: did that really work for your kids??
Do I have the only kid in the world who couldn't care less if we left the restaurant or the store?? Certainly not at 2! By 3 he would maybe throw a fit about leaving, but that still wouldn't prevent him from acting up next time - the kid never seemed to learn from his mistakes!
Also, it did work a few times at a park or playspace where he actually wanted to be and was not playing nice or something. But when he would act up in a store or restaurant it usually meant he just didn't want to be there - is that then teaching him a good lesson to get up and leave, so he learns we get to leave if he throws a fit? What if we've already ordered our food or need to get the groceries or whatever? Seems very counterproductive to me - wouldn't a better lesson be that mom and dad get to finish whatever it is they need to do, whether or not he's throwing a fit? Of course then you have the people around you give you looks and judge you for not taking them out. It's really a lose-lose scenario.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
Sure, so do something different, like sit him in a timeout (for example) and then finish what you need to finish, which doesn't reward him in any way. Take him to the car if it disturbs other people, but finish what you need to finish - even if it takes all day. You have to follow through.
The point isn't that you leave the premises, the point is that there's an immediate consequence. For most kids leaving is it. You just need to find what works for yours.
I agree, that the point is to connect the misbehavior with an immediate consequence. Maybe he likes a certain breakfast cereal that is already in the grocery cart, take it out and put it on a shelf. If there is a place that they enjoy on the store, looking at the flowers do not stop there and immediately check out.
I know one family, if their child acted up at McDonalds the parent just threw that child's food in the garbage and the parents & other children in the family continued to eat their food. The child was so stunned that they never acted up again in McDonalds.
As a parent you may need to see what works out best for your children at that age. Years and years ago, I had to go grocery shopping each week just after I picked up my two year old from day care. We were both tired, hungry and grumpy after a long day so I would bring a lunch box from work. We would drink a juice box and have a quick snack and maybe sing a song or talk about our day (as much as you can with a two year old). It only took a few minutes but it prepared us for a much more relaxing shopping experience. Try something like that.
The setting up expectations actually does work well with my kids. Sometimes kids like to push your boundaries to see what they can get away with. I tell them ahead of time what behavior I expect in a restaurant. My kids love to go out to eat so that works for us. I also bring some crayons and a coloring book so that keeps them occupied at the table.
There have been a lot of good suggestions. My kids were close in age and had similar personalities. The older was defiant and the younger whiny. Now at almost 5 and 6 it is much better. My older one definitely needs time to be physical and letting her help me works great. She is a great helper now! She empties the dishwasher, sets the table, etc. My son also is less whiny. It helps to give him his own time so he's not always being overlooked bcs of my daughter's strong personality. They still bicker with each other but their behavior is much better now. I am very firm and consistent and they know that I mean what I say.
Hang in there! 2 and 3 are very hard ages but it does get better!
I often read stuff like that and it kind of baffles me: did that really work for your kids??
Do I have the only kid in the world who couldn't care less if we left the restaurant or the store?? Certainly not at 2! By 3 he would maybe throw a fit about leaving, but that still wouldn't prevent him from acting up next time - the kid never seemed to learn from his mistakes!
Also, it did work a few times at a park or playspace where he actually wanted to be and was not playing nice or something. But when he would act up in a store or restaurant it usually meant he just didn't want to be there - is that then teaching him a good lesson to get up and leave, so he learns we get to leave if he throws a fit? What if we've already ordered our food or need to get the groceries or whatever? Seems very counterproductive to me - wouldn't a better lesson be that mom and dad get to finish whatever it is they need to do, whether or not he's throwing a fit? Of course then you have the people around you give you looks and judge you for not taking them out. It's really a lose-lose scenario.
Yes it really does work for my kids. Its been trial and error finding what works for us, but this works for the most part.
If youve already ordered: Take the child to the bathroom for a time out or outside or to the car.
If youre at the grocery: leave your cart and do the same
I dont care if people judge me, id rather give them a timeout square in the middle of the bread aisle than have a child who wont obey me.
Also I was thinking of the bedtime issue-- my kids don't share a room except on vacation. My older one does not need nearly as much sleep as my younger one. If he is tired, he's a mess. If they are keeping each other up maybe you can stagger their bedtimes so one is already asleep when you put the other one down? If we go away, I put one in my bed to fall asleep and then move them into the same room or I put my younger one down first. Then I put my older in when he is already asleep and she won't wake him.
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