Trying to cheat our Kids (son, 5 year old, high school, friends)
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Nobody, absolutely nobody, thinks you are obligated to provide your kids with cars, except your kids. Why the attitude all of a sudden? We were agreeing with you for once!
A parent needs to remain calm when dealing with teens. Stick to the realities and ignore the crap they throw back at you. In other words, teach them how to react as a mature adult.
There are underlying issues that I can't post about in detail here on a public forum. Let's just say we have been pitted against one another for years and its left bitterness and mistrust on both sides.
I can appreciate your need for anonymity and privacy. I do think that you need to seek help in healing these wounds. The current conflict is a symptom of something that needs to be healed.
Why don't you just buy the $3500 car as an extra car for the family? It stays in your name. I don't understand why each kid has to have their own car. When they leave home, sell it or trade it in.
I'm sorry, but these kids don't sound like they are ready to keep up their end of any bargain you make with them.
BTW, it was just about a year ago I caught my DD driving my car! She didn't even have a driver's license, no insurance, didn't have my permission, she would just lift the keys when I was either sleeping or working (I work from home and during those times I'm in my office with the door closed). She also pinched my AMEX card for gas, so I wouldn't notice the gas going down. I didn't question the gas purchases, they seemed to be mine, but rather excessive. She tipped her hand, literally, when she used my AMEX for a mani/pedi for $100! I wanted her arrested for theft, but police acted like I was the problem and it was some big joke, they actually chuckled. Then one night they found her passed out in a pool of vomit on a park bench, about 4 am, we had no idea she'd left the house! I wanted police to throw the book at her, make her realize you don't just do as you damned well please, but there again, they acted like it was a joke and I was overreacting. I actually heard one say to her, don't worry, we all get a little drunk sometimes. A LITTLE drunk? I really should have taken that one to the media, police encourage 16-year old to drink! Its ok to crawl out your bedroom 2nd-story window at 3 am, meet up with some scum in a park, get plastered, "borrow" my car, let Heaven knows who drive, yep, that's a typical teen, something wrong with Mommy because she gets upset? Imagine going to the door ~ 4 am and finding police holding up your snockered 16-year old, covered in vomit, said they found her on a bench passed out cold in the park, and we had no idea she was even gone, and, of course, its a big joke?
the police chuckled because you were expecting them to act as pseudoparents. And yes, typically a lot of teens get drunk after they first try alcohol, often vomiting, because they don't know how potent alcohol is.
YOU were supposed to raise DD to the effect that at 16 she wouldn't be sneaking out to a park to meet someone (likely a male) to feast on booze. It starts at toddlerhood, when little Emma tries to sneak a piece of gum at the candy store, and you bring her to the clerk to confess and apologize. you don't begin parenting at age 13-16. by 13 most kid's morality ships have sailed permanently.
If I had a 17/18 year old who spoke to me in that manner, I'd be hesitant to even let them remain under my roof, let alone provide them with a car. There is a much more serious issue going on here, and the car is the least of it. I think you really need to focus on mending the relationship between you and your children before you can move forward.
the police chuckled because you were expecting them to act as pseudoparents. And yes, typically a lot of teens get drunk after they first try alcohol, often vomiting, because they don't know how potent alcohol is.
YOU were supposed to raise DD to the effect that at 16 she wouldn't be sneaking out to a park to meet someone (likely a male) to feast on booze. It starts at toddlerhood, when little Emma tries to sneak a piece of gum at the candy store, and you bring her to the clerk to confess and apologize. you don't begin parenting at age 13-16. by 13 most kid's morality ships have sailed permanently.
I'd say that I hope those little ingrates have a bike, because that would be the ONLY way they'd be getting around, if they were mine. Too good to drive the car YOU drive? When they are earning the big bucks, they can spend their money any way they wish. As it stands, I'd shrug and say, "Oh, well, never mind," and forget about it.
And frankly, if you have a 16 year old acting so irresponsibly that they steal your car, your credit card and are passing out drunk on park benches, there is no way in hell I would let her have a drivers license, let alone a car. What in the hell are you thinking?
I'd say that I hope those little ingrates have a bike, because that would be the ONLY way they'd be getting around, if they were mine. Too good to drive the car YOU drive? When they are earning the big bucks, they can spend their money any way they wish. As it stands, I'd shrug and say, "Oh, well, never mind," and forget about it.
And frankly, if you have a 16 year old acting so irresponsibly that they steal your car, your credit card and are passing out drunk on park benches, there is no way in hell I would let her have a drivers license, let alone a car. What in the hell are you thinking?
I'm getting the feeling that there is a highly toxic relationship going on here to be honest.
Well, so, what did I do wrong? [/b]I was trying to juggle our assets to provide the kids with decent transportation while not breaking anyone's bank. Such nasty kids.....I told them our deal is off, go find how the real world deals! Oh, and, we refuse to co-sign any notes!
So, let the flames begin!
Oh, BTW, no more "deals" from me---I don't deal with someone who calls me d*** biotch
What you did wrong, you did long ago. You and your children have a completely disfunctional delationship.
If you don't have money to throw around, buying a $3900 car for your self, and practically giving a $12,000 one to your daughter makes no sense.
Even though your deal seems more than fair, I never liked the idea of a child buying a parent's car. If they want to pay for a car, they should have a say in what it is. If the parent is offering, it should be a gift. That's just my opinion.
In HS, my parents bought a 3rd car and kept it in their name. My BFF was given her parents' old (I mean OLD) car. Another friend was given a brand new car. The 4th friend bought her parents old piece of crap for $5000. Maybe we were spoiled, but we thought that was pretty crappy.
Because of their attitudes, I wouldn't make any more offers or deals. Maybe if DS gets a job, you could buy a 3rd family car for them to share, just so they can get to work and school. I would only do that if they are going to school and passing classes.
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I wanted her arrested for theft, but police acted like I was the problem and it was some big joke, they actually chuckled. Then one night they found her passed out in a pool of vomit on a park bench, about 4 am, we had no idea she'd left the house! I wanted police to throw the book at her, make her realize you don't just do as you damned well please, but there again, they acted like it was a joke and I was overreacting. I actually heard one say to her, don't worry, we all get a little drunk sometimes. A LITTLE drunk? I really should have taken that one to the media, police encourage 16-year old to drink! Its ok to crawl out your bedroom 2nd-story window at 3 am, meet up with some scum in a park, get plastered, "borrow" my car, let Heaven knows who drive, yep, that's a typical teen, something wrong with Mommy because she gets upset? Imagine going to the door ~ 4 am and finding police holding up your snockered 16-year old, covered in vomit, said they found her on a bench passed out cold in the park, and we had no idea she was even gone, and, of course, its a big joke?
