Troubled Adult Son (boyfriend, friend, mother, raise)
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I agree. Better fix what you can now, rather than later. If he goes to jail he will have a hard time getting a job after that--one of many considerations.
First time poster, crazy story, OP hasn't been back....
Yes, first time poster -- pretty suspicious. And 22 is plenty old enough to leave home. It would be incredibly rude for an adult child to bring in anyone to the home that the parents don't want there. If the OP is real, of course the 22 year old needs to be packing up and finding his own place.
I can tell you from personal experience, overly strict parenting does the child NO good. Lessons that most kids learn in high school, I had to learn way into adulthood. Definitely not good.
You are not doing him any favors by not making rules.
He is learning he can do this crap and it's acceptable.
He will be in jail soon if he keeps this up. Better hard lessons and not in jail, right?
He's 22, not 15.
Parents aren't there to make rules for adult children. At 22 many people have graduated from college and possibly started a career. There are many who are parents themselves at 22.
However, it's her house. He's apparently a jerk. I would tell him he's 22 and it's time to move on. Go crash at the girlfriend's place.
I guess I am here to vent but need some advise, I have a 22 year old boy who has defied our rules time and time again at our home he is in college and plays football and I would love for him to finish his education, but he has pushed me over the edge to the point this weekend that I told my husband that he can't stay here any longer. To make a long story short he has used our home good christian home at that as a motel room, so we tried talking to the girls mom and no help there she condoned what they were doing Heck she is living with a man that she is not married too. So we decided that we would give him an ultimatum either he stops seeing this girl or he gets out and gets his own place, with that he has no job and don't want to work and through all this he wrecked his truck and then it got really bad she was forbidden to come here and he started abusing us because of it busted noses bruises all over cursing us and trying to make me wreck my truck, pulling the steering when I take him places that he has to be then when we gave him the ultimatum he decided that he would leave the girl and stay here, on the circumstances that he never speak to this girl or see her again well yesterday we find out they have been seeing each other and the only choice we had was to kick him out and I told him never to step his foot back in my home again. does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope with this I don't really want to know if I was right or wrong people have their own rules as to what can go on in their homes but how do I cope with losing my son to a world he has never been taught to live in because he has had it made all his life. and to cope with losing your son to a tramp!
You use the term troubled son in your title, but it seems that you should have used the term troubled parent. You are troubled because he does not share exactly the same values when it comes to sex. There are many people who don't view sex outside of marriage as being a terrible thing. He is an adult and he has an absolute right to live his life as he sees fit.
Now-you don't have to allow him to live at your house. It's your house and your choice to allow or disallow anyone from staying there. You are also free to set rules regarding what behavior is acceptable in your home. It is your home and that is your right. If you don't want the girl there that is fine. If you don't want your son there that is fine.
However, you have to decide if is is worth it to poison your relationship with your son over this. You think sex is bad. He doesn't. There is nothing you are going to do to change what he thinks. There is nothing he can do to change what you think. You will have to decide whether agreeing on sex is SOOOOOOO important that you are willing to poison your relationship with your child forever.
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