Older son with bad temper (games, video, kids, taught)
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I never said anything about hitting him, did I? I only said that my dad hit me ONCE, and that one time I did get way out of line- WAY out of line! I have no desire to hit my son, in fact, I'd sooner try and calm him down. If , God forbid, it becomes physical, I'll restrain him and hold him til help arrives. As a kid, I was restrained WITHOUT being hit, and for whatever reason, my not getting hit tended to calm me down faster. Better for me to handle my son than the cops, who will do God knows what to him!
I never said anything about hitting him, did I? I only said that my dad hit me ONCE, and that one time I did get way out of line- WAY out of line! I have no desire to hit my son, in fact, I'd sooner try and calm him down. If , God forbid, it becomes physical, I'll restrain him and hold him til help arrives. As a kid, I was restrained WITHOUT being hit, and for whatever reason, my not getting hit tended to calm me down faster. Better for me to handle my son than the cops, who will do God knows what to him!
I understand you are not hitting him, but yelling at him is no good either. Restraining him has to be done carefully if you do it. Have you had training in restraint? If not, one of you may get hurt when you attempt it. Note that I did use some restraint holds with 4 year olds, but that too is much different than restraining a teenager who is bigger and stronger. You also have to be aware of the psychological effects of using physical restraints.
It sounds to me like you need to figure out a plan of attack and stick to it. First and foremost, yelling is never resolved with more yelling. What you need to do, is learn how to sit down and show him how you resolve conflicts.....rationally, with emotions, without getting defensive and causing more distress.
I had one of them....Hell, I'm not gonna lie, with a husband of 32 years and 4 kids, raning in age from 30 to 18.....three of them boys....there's been plenty of "talking down" around here. When you get sucked into their drama and start doing when you're YELLING at them to stop doing....you L-O-S-E. If they try to draw you in, you refuse to engage. Period! You find out what's going on with him and you show him that you can be trusted to not be a spaz, if he opens up to him.
Jeez, being a kid is PITA. Help him deal with it dad.
the theory is if you dont use physical violence to control kids they will grow up just fine.
we meant well so did the experts but instead here is the message we sent and was received there are no consequences for your actions.
What have I done? I've yelled, I've grounded, I've revoked privileges. My dad used to beat my ass AND holler at me. As I've said, I've spanked when the kids were small. He has anger issues and wants to fight; I had anger issues and wanted to lash out when I was a kid. I took it too far and my dad decked the **** out of me! Taught me a thing or two!
He needs to get to the root of his anger issues and learn what works to control them for him. I had extreme anger issues as a child and they didn't improve until I lived in a new environment.
Late teens is too late I think --- I think kids should learn their anger control at a much younger age -- like age 2 or 4 -- and they need to learn not to take themselves so seriously.
But -- now that he's late teens and cursing and making a scene, it's time for him to move out and live on his own. The sooner the better.
Late teens is too late I think --- I think kids should learn their anger control at a much younger age -- like age 2 or 4 -- and they need to learn not to take themselves so seriously.
But -- now that he's late teens and cursing and making a scene, it's time for him to move out and live on his own. The sooner the better.
It's not too late. I didn't learn until I was a junior in high school.
the theory is if you dont use physical violence to control kids they will grow up just fine.
we meant well so did the experts but instead here is the message we sent and was received there are no consequences for your actions.
How is not beating kids the same has not parenting them and putting forth consequences for misbehavior? It is **** poor parenting if the only consequence one can think of is beating a child.
He said he doesn't want to hit the kid and he's here looking for help. I have to give kudos for that.
Good for you OP for trying to find a solution. I agree that professional help would be a good idea. For you too, so you can learn to deal with it in a way that won't escalate the situation. It would be great if the cycle of anger stops with your son, and you don't find yourself in the same spot with your grandchild.
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