Morning routine has become absolute hell (cartoon, boys, daughter, classes)

[ellar]

If she is resisting that much, I would research the preschool more. I found that many preschools are not really that well run. She may be protesting because there are things going on at the preschool she does not like. Protesting like this is a red flag to me.

I ended up pulling all three of my kids from different preschools when they were young. My oldest started complaining about preschool when there was a teacher switch mid-year. I sat in the class to see what was going on and discovered the new teacher was a big-time yeller. She took much of the joy out of preschool. I switched my second daughter's preschool class when she went from a loving preschool class at age 3 to a somewhat cold 4-year-old class. This preschool teacher also was a bit harsh.

With my youngest, the other kids were a real problem. She came home one day and told me a boy punched her in the stomach and the teachers thought she was crying because she was just whining. They sent her inside from recess. I also sat in this classroom and found there was not a lot of classroom control. My final straw was when a boy bit her. I didn't want my child to be in a class where she was worried about getting hurt.

I would investigate to see if there is a reason for her outbursts. For me it was clear because my kids changed their attitudes about preschool when they went from good settings to bad ones. That attitude change often came out in the morning when they were supposed to be getting ready for school.

[threetravelingblondes]

We had to go to school in a blanket just one time. But here's the rub--I missed the big picture. Little one had just picked out several new outfits as she had just grown. Come to find out, they were all long sleeved things, and long sleeves vibed her out--hated the feeling of them--couldn't articulate that until after the big blowout day. For the next two years, she wore no long sleeved shirts or dresses, and that was fine. Made me feel like a bit of an ******* for dragging her to school in her panties that day--but I was already 30 minutes late for work when I scooped her up, grabbed outfit #5 of the morning, and left. We donated all the long-sleeved things and fixed the problem--no more crazymaking outbursts in the morning.

BTW--daycare was great about it, and thankfully the outfit we'd brought with was a jumper with a l/s shirt...she refused the shirt but put the jumper on at daycare...which was partially how the longsleevedweirdness was discovered.

[nightcrawler]

Originally Posted by Globe199

Need some advice here. My 3.5-year-old, more often than not, is an absolute monster in the morning. It's reached the point at which it's strongly and negatively impacting my quality of life. I normally am the one to bring her to pre-school (my wife picks her up). She enjoys school, but obviously doesn't enjoy getting ready.

She'll do things like refuse to get dressed, or pull off the clothes we've put on her. She will hide under blankets, she'll hit, scream, throw things. We're in Minnesota so there is much more to wear this time of year, which just gives her more opportunity to object. She'll unzip her coat, throw her hat off, throw her mittens. It's not until I have everything on her and she's strapped into the car that I have control. By this time I've generated a massive headache that doesn't go away for several hours. I feel terrible and guilty for yelling at her, often right in her face.

I realize that threes are terrible and worse than twos. Is her behaviour typical? Can anyone offer any words of wisdom for this situation?

LOL, not in my house she wouldn't!! LOL.

I am really amazed at a lot of the responses of parents these day, way to lax, sorry......

no, I'm not negotiateing with a 3 year old, nor bribeing a 3 year old, are you kidding me???
Its morning, I'm tired too, you have to go to school, this is what your wearing.......................
I'm the parent, your a 3 year old.........................OMG



I have 3 boys, never had these kids of problems.....


you shouldnt feel guilty, shes 3, she will get over it. If she kept the clothes you put on her, you would not have to be yelling and getting a headache every moring.

you have to let her know, your the mother, this behavior is not acceptable, and enforce it.

[DitsyD]

Originally Posted by nightcrawler

LOL, not in my house she wouldn't!! LOL.


just wait till the teenage starts. If you have problems now.

remember, YOUR the parent, YOU make the rules......



I hate to hear this crap, because thats what it is, crap...............

So, why wouldn't this happen in your house? Would you spank them? Is that why you are laughing so much? (2x LOL) I sincerely hope not.

[Bette]

I don't know where my daughter picked up the screaming. Well, when she didn't want to do something, she would yell "No, I'm not doing that" - well, we taped her a couple of times and when she did it the next time, we turned on the tape and it only took 2 times. She NEVER did that again.

The other thing I would do is really check out the preschool. There may be a reason.

[kevxu]

Originally Posted by Mnseca

... Occasionally he'd test me to see if I'd still do it, and I always did. bribes also worked, but not as well (I'll give you a cookie, but only when you're in the car). I generally don't argue about things like mittens and hats - if he wants to be cold, he can be cold. Yelling definitely is the worst thing, though - once you are clearly angry, it only seems to feed their own bad behavior.

Never bribe a child to behave as they should. You are teaching them that they are an exception and do not have to do what others do except as a trade-off for special treatment.

I have a friend whose 18-year-old still has her in the bribing mode...he will be a total manipulator his whole life.

[DitsyD]

Originally Posted by kevxu

Never bribe a child to behave as they should. You are teaching them that they are an exception and do not have to do what others do except as a trade-off for special treatment.

I have a friend whose 18-year-old still has her in the bribing mode...he will be a total manipulator his whole life.

It is NOT bribery. It is payment for doing their job. You work for money don't you? Children work for payment as well. Teaches children the facts of life. Do your job = getting paid. Don't do your work, don't get paid.

[beera]

I like the suggestion of allowing her to choose her outfits, of putting her to bed earlier and getting her up earlier as well.

I would also talk to the preschool teacher and ask for help, lots of times they have great ideas. My sister is a preschool teacher and they always try to help the parents when asked for advice

[BuckeyeAtHeart]

I don't know about your daughter, but both of mine were able to talk and communicate fairly clearly at the ago of 3 or 3-1/2. Have you spent some time allowing her to talk and share when she is calm? Maybe the night before as she is getting ready for bed you could include some time laying down with her while she is calm and talking about the next morning. Ask her some questions, let her answer them. Is there a good children's book that deals with this very problem that your could read with her, maybe several nights in a row?

I love the idea of letting her pick out her own clothes. Maybe create a personalized calendar with her. The first week she gets to pick out the clothes she will wear one day -- make a big deal of it. If she is ready every morning that week she gets to pick out clothes the next week two days, etc. Maybe you need to start with two days to give her a little more motivation. Whatever you decide, make it conditional each week based on how she did the previous week. Buy some stickers that she can put on her calendar before you head out the door. Is there something special that she could earn if she has ## of good days in a row? A dinner date with mommy? The next week she could earn a breakfast date with daddy...

[NJGOAT]

Having gone through this with both of my daughters, not so much with my son, I think the key here is to help her take a little control of her environment. At that age kids are starting to assert their own individuality more and want more control over what happens. Of course, their desire for control and a little independence often runs counter to what you need to accomplish.

The WORST thing you can do is "fight" this one as it just ratchets up their resistance. The more you force and yell, the more they are going to push back and no one will be happy.

What worked for us was several things...

1. Establish a routine and stick to it. Kids do very good on a routine and at that age VISUAL routines help a lot. So, make a chart of everything that needs to get done in the morning. Start with waking up, brushing teeth, getting dressed, eating breakfast, etc. Basically write down and make pictures for your morning routine and then post the chart. INVOLVE HER in making the routine chart and talk about it.

2. Let her make her own choices over things that don't matter. Give her the choice between two or three appropriate outfits when picking out what to wear. Let her pick which mittens, hat and coat she want to wear. Give her a couple of choices for breakfast and let her choose. Things like that really don't matter, but makes her feel like she is in control of her environment to some degree. If making these choices in the morning is too tought, then do it the night before, but allow for some flexibility if she changes her mind.

3. Prompt her for what the routine is and what you need to "do next". She will most likely be very anxious to try out HER chart and tell YOU what has to happen. If she is moving slowly and you need to speed it up, give her reminders and then make her choices for her and tell her you are. For instance..."Since you can't decide...I'm picking THIS". That will usually illicite them making a choice.

4. Make sure you are allowing enough time to do what needs to be done at a 3.5 year olds pace. You can't get up at 6:50 and expect to be out the door by 7:00 without fighting WW3...it won't happen. Talk to her when making the chart and see if there is something she needs added to it. One of my kids still gets up 30 minutes earlier then everyone else to sit on the couch in a blanket and watch a show of their choosing. They just need that time in the morning. They can skip it if need be, but they prefer to have it.

5. If she remains absolutely resistant to everything, then you need to go forward with measures like just picking her up in her pajamas and driving her to school like that to see what happens. You can also try introducing punishments like losing TV time or a favorite toy if she doesn't comply. NO BRIBERY for doing things we are supposed to do.

At the end of the day put yourself in her shoes and think about how SHE feels. I'm not saying you don't need to be the parent, but a little empathy can go a long way.