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Me & My wife are having lots of problems with our 3 year old son around bedtime.
We cant get him to sleep in his own bed on his own all night.
He will only sleep in his bed if me (and only me) sleeps with him. He has a busy day leading up to bed time he's up at 7am and out the door and at school for 8am so that me and my wife can go to work. I collect him from school most days at 3.30pm take him home give him his tea etc bath him etc ready for bed when it comes to 7pm he goes up to bed i have to lie next to him untill he falls asleep this can some times take up to an hour then i sneak out and spend some time with my wife about 9pm/10pm he wakes up and screams at his stair gate for me i try and leave him for as long as i can but i have to consider his young sister sleeping in the next room and also the neighbours. Hes now able to climb over his stairgate and come looking for me, if im downstairs playing the playstation , my piano (with headphones) or watching TV he will come and find me and cuddle up to me and go to sleep straightaway with me, Once he's alsleep i transfer him up to his bed and the process starts again this goes on all through the night. I love my son very very much but this is becoming to much for me i am finding i do not have anytime for myself or even with my wife.
We decided yesterday to move his bed next to our bed in our room in the hope that he would stay in his own bed all night i thought if we could get him to stay in his bed then we are halfway there but even this didnt work as when he awoke he saw me in my bed next to his and wanted me he screamed for about 3 hours and tried to get to me, my wife kept putting him back in his bed but within seconds he was up and attempting to get to me after 3 hours i had to give in and got in bed with him and he went to sleep instantly. He likes feeling my hair as he goes to sleep which is very annoying for me we have given him a teddy with hair extensions in the hope he will feel this hair but he wont its only my hair on my head that settles him.
Its driving me insane , the lack of sleep and working full time any hints or tips would be appreciated i am open to try anything
Who's in charge of the house? Sounds like the three year old is. Sounds harsh, and I sympathise. We were lucky that our daughter was pretty good around these issues.
See if you can find some clips featuring Jo Frost (Supernanny) who has had to address these issues on many occasions.
Good luck.
Hang on- found these, and the second link has a bit about winning the sleeping battle!
You must be the one who puts him back in bed, not your wife. Do it until he gives up. Your child's will is strong, so yours must be stronger. A few nights of little sleep will be rewarded with a good nights sleep for years to come. He will do this as long as he gets what he wants. Take time off work if you must. A three year old is certainly able to stay in their own bed and sleep all night.
The problem is you've trained him that he can get his way as long as he pitches a fit and makes everyone else in the house miserable. You're going to have to resolve to be stronger on this issue and not give in. This will mean several bad nights because you've let this go for a long time, but eventually he will learn you mean business.
His bed goes in his room. You put him to bed, one story, kiss, and lights out. Get him a nightlight and a toy if that helps. After that, no more interaction. He is not to get up. He is not to leave his room. If he wakes up, he needs to stay in bed until he falls back asleep. If he gets up, do not talk to him, do not comfort him, do not acknowledge him in any way. No petting, no laying down with him, no extra sips of water, no kisses. Don't even look at him. Carry him back to his room and put him in the bed. Keep carrying him back to bed until he gives up. It will be HARD at first because you've trained him that if he pitches a fit, you'll give him his way. You will have to untrain him, and it will be hard at first. But if you don't give in, he will eventually give up. I'd start on a Friday night or whenever someone has a few days off work because it will mean some sleepless nights while he fights you.
There were some good suggestions in another thread about this earlier in the week. Someone had a great suggestion of a "prize bag" with little things he wants. If he goes the entire night without getting up, he gets to choose something from the bag in the morning. If he doesn't, no prize and he loses privileges that day (pick something he really wants.)
Me & My wife are having lots of problems with our 3 year old son around bedtime.
We cant get him to sleep in his own bed on his own all night.
He will only sleep in his bed if me (and only me) sleeps with him. He has a busy day leading up to bed time he's up at 7am and out the door and at school for 8am so that me and my wife can go to work. I collect him from school most days at 3.30pm take him home give him his tea etc bath him etc ready for bed when it comes to 7pm he goes up to bed i have to lie next to him untill he falls asleep this can some times take up to an hour then i sneak out and spend some time with my wife about 9pm/10pm he wakes up and screams at his stair gate for me i try and leave him for as long as i can but i have to consider his young sister sleeping in the next room and also the neighbours. Hes now able to climb over his stairgate and come looking for me, if im downstairs playing the playstation , my piano (with headphones) or watching TV he will come and find me and cuddle up to me and go to sleep straightaway with me, Once he's alsleep i transfer him up to his bed and the process starts again this goes on all through the night. I love my son very very much but this is becoming to much for me i am finding i do not have anytime for myself or even with my wife.
We decided yesterday to move his bed next to our bed in our room in the hope that he would stay in his own bed all night i thought if we could get him to stay in his bed then we are halfway there but even this didnt work as when he awoke he saw me in my bed next to his and wanted me he screamed for about 3 hours and tried to get to me, my wife kept putting him back in his bed but within seconds he was up and attempting to get to me after 3 hours i had to give in and got in bed with him and he went to sleep instantly. He likes feeling my hair as he goes to sleep which is very annoying for me we have given him a teddy with hair extensions in the hope he will feel this hair but he wont its only my hair on my head that settles him.
Its driving me insane , the lack of sleep and working full time any hints or tips would be appreciated i am open to try anything
Thanks
Scott.
Jezer's comments are spot on and her recommending Jo Frost is perfect. I love that woman and have used several of her techniques with my 3.5 yr old and they work great.
In addition to the "tea" what other stimulants is he enjoying before bedtime?
Imagine from the child's perspective what it feels like to be put in a room alone when the adults of the house don't even sleep alone. Many of us fulfill our primal bonding instinct when we mate up and cosleep as adults yet expect our not even fully developed children to go it alone.
COSLEEPING is absolutely normal!
Toddlers who are away from family all day may be suffering separation anxiety and really need the bonding time with their own tribe (THEIR FAMILY)
The reality is that he is spending 7.5 stimulating (potentially overstimulating) waking hour at preschool and then maybe 5-6 with his family. I imagine you can't change that equation but what you can do is make those hours together count and if you need to cosleep a few years for everyone to get enough sleep for the next day then give it a try.
Oh and what about smooches you might ask? Be creative!!!
Also consider having a midday, NOT AT BED TIME, conversation with you little one and see if he can articulate his needs. Some 3 year old can be quite expressive.
Additionally, check with the school to see how long of a nap he takes there. 7 pm may be too early a lead time into bed if he already slept two hours that afternoon. I've know many folks to struggle with the "3 hour" bedtime ritual only to realize 2-3 kiddos and 5 years later that a change of ritual and timing brings more peace for all.
Good Luck
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