Help with 3.5 year old struggling to adjust to mom's absence (ideas, SAHM)

[aliss2]

I have a 3.5 year old boy who has autism (moderate, not severe but not mild either). I basically 'disappeared' for two days straight (I have a baby who was urgently hospitalized during this time) and he was left with my husband/his grandpa. He is close with both but I am a SAHM so he is used to me.

He's extremely difficult now that I am home - very upset, always whining, no talking (he has about 24 month level before), won't touch food other than cheerios, losing potty abilities (was at about 80% before), refusing to sleep at night, sleeping in the day, I mean it's just unreal, like he's turned into a colicky baby (again, lol). Apparently he was like this when I was gone.

How can I help him? I feel awful for him but I didn't have a choice, I also didn't think we would be gone that long and ran out without even saying bye. Any advice? We do see his psychologist later tomorrow but I would love some ideas in the meantime.

[Hedgehog_Mom]

Even a kid without special needs will react badly to change at that age. We moved when my daughter was 3.5 and she was so upset that she held her poop for a month.

If you have another emergency like that, how difficult would it be for you to bring him along? (This isn't criticism or sarcasm, I'm simply asking if it would be possible.) Maybe that would work better for him, even if your husband took him home after a while.

[CraigCreek]

How long have you been back home? It had to have been scary for him, though obviously you had no choice.

Is there a chance he's coming down with a bug of some kind? Many kids his age can get very whiny and clingy when they aren't feeling good.

Meanwhile, just keep being very reassuring and affectionate, and even indulge him just a little. Will he eat Cheerios with milk and fruit? Maybe if you let him drop the Cheerios one by one into the bowl of milk... he'd make a mess, but that's okay right now.

As for the sleep disturbances, make sure he's getting a lot of running around time, then go to a nighty-night routine - bath, pjs, drink of water, storybook, tuck him in, hugs and kisses, Teddy, prayers, nightlight if he uses one, sleep tight - see you in the morning -then off to sleep he should go. Ideally, that is...

Outdoors, weather permitting, and if you can be the one to swing him, help him dig in the sandpile (do kids even have sandpiles any more??) roll or gently toss a big ball back and forth and actively play with him, that's all to the good.

If he has a Teddy or other "transitional object", make sure it's close at hand at all times. Perhaps you could act out Teddy being scared when Mommy left but okay while she's gone, then happy when she returns, and see how he reacts - might gain more insight about what's troubling him, if it's something more than the obvious.

Good luck - hope your little guy is much less fearful and happier soon.

[nana053]

This is extremely difficult because he does not understand what happened and he is probably afraid it will happen again. When my autistic grandson was 3, his mom and dad went on a 2 week vacation and left him with us. He was actually fine until they returned. Then he would not let his mom out of his sight and would strip down so that she could not take him anywhere. It lasted for almost a year. The vacation was explained to him, but he still did not think mommy was going to come back and acted out when she did.

I am not sure what you can do except be patient and try to explain why you were gone and that you will always come back.