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I would offer that parents, at some point in time, allow their children a bit more latitude to make certain decisions
I'm saying that if a kid is young - say 4 - generally they do the activities that their parents want. I.e., the parents drop them off at karate and the kids then go do the class. In general, the kids just do it because it's what they're told to do, and I suppose because it's a new thing.
Eventually, though, they decide whether they enjoy karate or not. Perhaps they don't like body motions or are not comfortable with the skills they learn in karate or what have you. You can continue forcing your kids for a while to go, but then eventually they're just say no and refuse.
I'm wondering what that age is...the age when the parent can suggest activities but it's completely up to the kid as to whether they'll do them or not.
I'm still thinking about 2nd or 3rd grade. I think most first graders will do whatever, and perhaps some second graders. By the time 3rd and 4th grade roll around, I'm thinking that they are much more choosy about what they want to do.
I'm still thinking about 2nd or 3rd grade. I think most first graders will do whatever, and perhaps some second graders. By the time 3rd and 4th grade roll around, I'm thinking that they are much more choosy about what they want to do.
I'm thinking you don't know many strong-willed, independent-minded children. Who do, in fact, make it very clear what they will and will not do from toddler-hood. I've had friends who knew they had that child when he/she was still in the womb.
I'm saying that if a kid is young - say 4 - generally they do the activities that their parents want. I.e., the parents drop them off at karate and the kids then go do the class. In general, the kids just do it because it's what they're told to do, and I suppose because it's a new thing.
Eventually, though, they decide whether they enjoy karate or not. Perhaps they don't like body motions or are not comfortable with the skills they learn in karate or what have you. You can continue forcing your kids for a while to go, but then eventually they're just say no and refuse.
I'm wondering what that age is...the age when the parent can suggest activities but it's completely up to the kid as to whether they'll do them or not.
I'm still thinking about 2nd or 3rd grade. I think most first graders will do whatever, and perhaps some second graders. By the time 3rd and 4th grade roll around, I'm thinking that they are much more choosy about what they want to do.
I've allowed my 7 year old daughter to choose her activities since she started doing them (around age 4). My only stipulations are that it's something I can afford and that she finish the season (especially if it's a team thing). If she doesn't like it, then she's free to choose something else next time.
I was VERY young. I remember vividly the moment it occurred to me that I could have my own separate identity.
My grandmother always left the butter out so it was soft. My mother, who was a nurse, always kept it in the refrigerator. One day I said, "But grandmother keeps it out so it's soft." I can't remember my mother's vague response. It was something like, "I do it differently." She didn't explain why. I didn't ask why. Because I suddenly no longer cared about soft or hard butter! I was stunned that my mother didn't do what her mother did. I IMMEDIATELY realized that I didn't have to do/believe everything my mother did too!
That's hilarious I bet your mom would have done things differently had she known your thinking process.
When kids are smaller - like around kindergarten - they'll do pretty much anything you want them to. Partly because it's a new experience and partly because they don't know any different. They'll often do things simply because you tell them to not because they want to.
At some point, they stop doing whatever you want them to, and start forming their own opinions about what they like and don't like.
I'm wondering at what age you found for your kids that they started to form ideas about what they wanted to do and not do, and when you lost a lot of the influence in what activities your kids did?
For me, the big turning point was 3rd grade, when I stopped doing an activity my father wanted me to do with him. I decided that I didn't enjoy it, wasn't having fun, and it wasn't something that I wanted to do.
I would have to say that all kids are differant and not all will hold to a specific set of rules offered by a parent at any age. Plenty of 2 year olds have other ideas when it comes to what a parent wants them to do. The thing is with parenting it is kind of like flying a kite. You want your kids to sore with the wind and grow into their full potential but to do that they need to be held back some what. I have kids that don't want to clean their rooms and one that wants to have everything in a specific place. I have kids that love to help in the kitchen or out in the yard and others that prefer to do nothing. Not all kids want to go to Kindergarten. I was there for when our kids started and although they loved it you would always have a kid or two in the class that just did not want to be there. They would cry and carry on and the parents would have to help out untill they got the jist of going to school.
What I have seen with our kids and we have 6 of them, is that when they start getting good at something they have less of a need for a parent to be around. They start to take on their own personallity and do their own thing. I am OK with that untill the time when an attitude starts to be a part of the process for them. Time to pull that line back in a bit and bring them back to earth so to speak.
Around age seven I started getting lots of challenges from my son. I decided to give 2 choices and let him decide, and then he would deal with the consequences of that decision. Sometimes neither choice was his favorite, but he like the idea of making the decision.
You can be creative in giving choices. When a child wants to do A, you tell them no but they can do B or C--and YOU control what B and C are. This works until they are teenagers, when they will start to negotiate with you--which is not a bad thing, it's a life skill.
Around age seven I started getting lots of challenges from my son. I decided to give 2 choices and let him decide, and then he would deal with the consequences of that decision. Sometimes neither choice was his favorite, but he like the idea of making the decision.
You can be creative in giving choices. When a child wants to do A, you tell them no but they can do B or C--and YOU control what B and C are. This works until they are teenagers, when they will start to negotiate with you--which is not a bad thing, it's a life skill.
I still do this..."Do you want to go to the thrift store with me and look for some jeans, or would you rather stay home and clean the whole house?"
I'm thinking you don't know many strong-willed, independent-minded children. Who do, in fact, make it very clear what they will and will not do from toddler-hood. I've had friends who knew they had that child when he/she was still in the womb.
I agree with Dew (first time I've said that! ). From the tone of your post TI it seems like you are expecting a "blanket age range" in which your child, or any child for that matter, will become strong willed. As children are people, they are all different. There are plenty of complacent, obedient children, and there are...well...every other type of personality you can think of.
But since I'm not going to split hairs here, it is known that what you are describing is not a childhood type of behavior, but more occurs as your children reach the legal age. In fact, these hormones cause teenagers to attempt to break away from their parents and "start their own life", so to speak. There are positive and negative sides to this, but I won't go into that here.
Your question is oddly child centered. As in, the child dictates the actions of the parents.
I would offer that parents, at some point in time, allow their children a bit more latitude to make certain decisions. Not the other way around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
I disagree. Part of childhood development is the child developing a sense of self separate from the parent.
I agree with Charlygal and Hopes. Hopes, what she was trying to say was that she hopes that parents gradually shift the responsibility and accountibility of decision making onto the child as he or she grows up (for example: bathing themselves, walking to school alone, riding a bike, driving a car, getting a job, becoming accepted into college, etc... up to moving out and starting their adult life).
Charlygal meant that she is not in favor of letting the children run the house, make the decisions, and run amok unabated (which as ridiculous and juvenile as it sounds, has been quite common for years). A child-run house is not a temporary phase or behavior stage, but a severe problem that must be nipped in the bud early on. If not dealt with now, the problem will grow from throwing a fit for not getting candy at the supermarket, to engaging in drugs and other destructive behaviors of this nature. And doesn't require a visit from Jo Frost (Supernanny's real name, for those who are wondering). Many a family in my area have regained their parental authority even before their children grew into preteens.
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I bet your mom would have done things differently had she known your thinking process.
). From the tone of your post TI it seems like you are expecting a "blanket age range" in which your child, or any child for that matter, will become strong willed. As children are people, they are all different. There are plenty of complacent, obedient children, and there are...well...every other type of personality you can think of.
