Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My wife says I am too hard on my 4year old since he is only 4 but I have less patience and tolerance than she does. Dont get my wrong I am not abusive or anything I am just very strict with him.
A lot of it stems from my childhood where I had it much harder then I give it to him. Whats the best way to overcome / deal with this?
Not enough information. W don't even know if you really are too strict on him. I do know it is tough to be your own parent sometimes. I was rather appalled when my sister told me I was a lot like my dad. He, too, was not very patient with us. I almost didn't talk to her for months. The thing about parenting I have realized is there is never a better time than the preent to change your style whether it is a tweak or a wholesale re-inventory of your system.
Kids need a strong hand, especially toddlers. Don't let your wife turn you into a super modern dad who allows the kid to do everything. It's your job as the father to be the figure of authority. He should learn not to step over the mark with you. Discipline is required more than ever before.
My wife says I am too hard on my 4year old since he is only 4 but I have less patience and tolerance than she does. Dont get my wrong I am not abusive or anything I am just very strict with him.
A lot of it stems from my childhood where I had it much harder then I give it to him. Whats the best way to overcome / deal with this?
You're halfway there if you acknowledge you might be expecting too much from your son. A lot of parents never see that in themselves.
Parenting classes can be helpful. You can also hold off on being a disciplinarian until you come to a consensus with your wife on how to handle different situations.
Kids need freedom to play and grow and learn from their mistakes. If you expect your child to be perfect all the time, that makes it a lot more difficult for him to do normal kid things.
My mom was verbally and physically abusive. My husband's mother was also. So you could say we had it really tough when we were growing up. We're much more laid back than our parents were. We don't spank or yell. That doesn't mean we never lose our tempers...sometimes a kid will really upset a parent. But we've taught ourselves to take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at how much the incident really matters in the grand scheme of things. Basically, to be in control of our emotions all the time and not just react to what the kid did. Neither of us wanted our to kids to grow up living in fear of our tempers, or to feel unloved or like bad people, the way we felt when we were kids.
We treat our family as a team also...if someone does something bad, that's bad for the whole team. If a kid won't go to bed and makes mom tired, the whole team is going to have a rough day tomorrow. They see the consequences of their actions and learn that everything they do can affect things, in a good way or a bad way.
Anyhow, if your wife says you're too tough on your son, you probably are. Some dads see their kid as a perfect little copy of themselves and get way too emotionally invested in their kid's accomplishments and failures.
I am the father of 4 1/2 yr old twin boys. Not enough info to go with....but in my situation you do have to be firm in some areas....but learn to go with the flow in others and not expect each day to be perfect and they do everything you say without a fit. The biggest thing we do is try to explain things to them at their level....why if they do something wrong or be disrespectful why it is (not at an adult level of understanding but at their level). Of our twins one is easy going and listens well and the other is well a bit more of a push the button boy.
I agree not enough information but the one thing I would assess is if your wife thinks you are too hard do you perhaps think she is too lenient and therefore feel you need to compensate to make up for it? I've seen that in a lot of parenting scenarios. Each parent is different, in our home, I am the strict parent and sometimes my DH thought I was too strict but he is a total pushover so I often felt that I had to parent for both of us. I did finally learn to step back, let him be lenient and me be strict but I stopped trying to overdo due to his lack of discipline.
Looking back, the kids are now 24 and 15. My DH had one rule and one rule only that he never ever waivered on. They were never ever allowed to disrespect me, to use a snotty tone, to raise their voice etc towards me, never. That was a great gift my DH gave me, sure he was a sucker for just about everything else but I never had to deal with disrespectful children and I think that is huge. In turn, I demanded the same of them towards him.
That sounds a lot like my scenario. I'm the strict "mean" dad and mom is the easier "loving" mom. I've been told I'm a bit too strict but I don't agree. I was raised in the same type of household environment where my father was loving but also the disciplinarian. He spanked when appropriate and yelled when needed. I learned to respect him as well as love him and as an adult I can truly appreciate how he raised me since I am now a very respectful adult that has never been in trouble at school or with the law and I consider myself a good person thanks to growing up the way I did. If I had been raised like my cousins with really lenient parents and no discipline then that would be a way different story.
At age 4 children need consistency and rules, but they do not need to be yelled at or given more responsibility or pressure than a 4 yr. old can handle. Just because you were raised in a very strict way doesn't mean that was the right way or that is what works best in raising a child. Life is short and kids grow up really fast, don't throw any more on him than he can handle.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
