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Ive heard it from quite a few people, that having a child or two, seeing how life is created, can wipe out what people are going through, sadness, depression, their past, etc.
i want to hear your story, because i have been going through tons of family problems, my past with abuse, and i cant snap out of it, and people around me just says "wait until you have a kid, then talk to me again, probably all you will talk about by then is your kid"
Civic, I'm so sorry that you've been battling with family problems. What people around you might be saying is this, "You only think you're sucked into family problems, wait until you have kids, because those problems are a whole lot closer to home!"
Civic, you have a choice, when you're single and just dealing with siblings, aunts/uncles, cousins, parents. You can turn around and walk away from those problems. Seriously! Some people struggle with doing so, but still...it is your CHOICE to stay and deal with their sh*t. When you have your own child, you still have problems, don't ever doubt that for a second. The difference is, you CARE differently. You care MORE. This is your flesh and blood and responsibility, at least for the first 18 years. You can NOT walk away from those problems.
Okay, well...some people do, but you know what I mean. It's great ....I adore my kids and my grandkids, but I've never been so bonded, or connected to ANYone, like I am to my children. If my siblings or hubby's siblings do something stupid....who cares? If they get sick, we worry some, but NOTHING like when it's our own children. OMG...when your kids are going through something awful, it KILLS you! I mean, really.....it might bother me to see other's pain, but Civic, when my kids have something bad going on with them, I am in unbearable anguish until they're "better".
So.....you want a life with less stress, pain, emotions? Do NOT have a child!
Most of the problems some have when they are young are all based on SELF....not having fulfilled selfish little needs and aspirations. Once a child is born - you are for the first time forced to put your attention on someone else other than yourself - This is a good maturing process and experience.
Yes. If you have a really messed up life and struggle with severe depression and/or mental illnesses, the bast thing you can do is have a bunch of children. As many as possible. Each additional child cheers you up more and more. The happiest people on earth have 21 children to care for.
(Umm that is sarcasm for those who have difficulty with that sort of thing).
Well, I think it really depends and to generalize, I think, would be very unfair to you.
My husband and I had issues before our child (2 years ago) and we still have them now. It's a work in progress and having a kid didn't change anything. It may have given us a better perspective but the problems that were there are still there.
On a personal level, I think having a kid has given me purpose. Some people are awesome at their jobs, athletic, talented, smart, expert communicators, or whatever label you want to give someone. Me? I've never really been "good" at anything. I'm not dogging myself. I'm just saying, there's not really one thing that I felt like I was really good at. Hell, I'm not even a good homemaker or wife! But being a parent? I think I'm awesome at it. I really do. I mean yeah I doubt myself and have made mistakes but parenting is something I can truly say I'm comfortable with and love doing.
Having a child doesn't "fix" your problems. It won't fix your sadness, depression, or anything that you're going through and it certainly won't fix your past (a time machine might though). It sounds like there's a lot more to your story but from what I've read so far, I'd say seek help. Having a child won't solve your issues. You may have a different perspective on things but the problems you are facing now will still be there. Good luck to you. I hope you can make peace with your past and move on.
Ive heard it from quite a few people, that having a child or two, seeing how life is created, can wipe out what people are going through, sadness, depression, their past, etc.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by civic94
i want to hear your story, because i have been going through tons of family problems, my past with abuse, and i cant snap out of it, and people around me just says "wait until you have a kid, then talk to me again, probably all you will talk about by then is your kid"
civic, I'm really sorry that you're going through so much. I can totally identify with you there. Please don't listen to the people who want to tell you that the only thing that matters in life is parenthood. They're wrong. You matter, and what you're going through matters, whether these "people around you" think so or not. Don't waste your time on what they think. Seek professional help, get support from others who have gone through the same things, and do what you need to do to get better. Then, after you're healthy, if you decide that youwant to have children, have all the children you can afford to take care of. But always remember that YOU take care of children, not the other way around, and you can't take care of anyone else until you've taken care of yourself. Hang in there, you are not alone.
Couples or even single adults who do not have kids are like teenagers- You do not fully grow up until you are a mother or father- It is part of life. YES the blessing of a child in a house hold is like having an innocent angel fluttering about- It brings us back to a more innocent and less jaded mindset. Moderator Cut A child will make you happier....When my kids were young and growing up they were the best years of my life- you were to busy being in love with life and your children to even think about being sad...it was great...the greatest most enriching experience that can be had in human life---.Moderator Cut
There is an aging biker in my hood...He and this young stripper had a child together. The kid is a little toddler now and mother father and child - I have never seen more happy...He the tough biker finally gets it and is now acting like a decent human being.
Moderator Cut I take my hat off to anyone who starts a real family....
Last edited by Jaded; 08-06-2013 at 04:52 PM..
Reason: Flaming and argumentative.
Yes. If you have a really messed up life and struggle with severe depression and/or mental illnesses, the bast thing you can do is have a bunch of children. As many as possible. Each additional child cheers you up more and more. The happiest people on earth have 21 children to care for.
(Umm that is sarcasm for those who have difficulty with that sort of thing).
I took the OP a little differently. I think what he/she is asking is whether having a kid takes your focus off of yourself, and your past issues, helping you to stop obsessing about such things.
The OP is recovering from past abuse. If you were, you would likely be sad and depressed too, at least for a time.
It is definitely true that having a child causes you to be less concerned about self.
Is it a good idea to have one in hopes of relieving your pain? No. Is it a life sentence? No.
It's a fair question that the OP was curious about, having been told by people that that's what would happen.
The OP didn't actually say anywhere in the OP that they were planning on having a child for this reason, he/she asked for experiences.
Do you have any experience with being a parent after overcoming abuse and related family problems and depression?
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