help me please (babysitter, teens, baby, spanking)

[annoftennessee]

I have a three year old and a two year old boy. The three year old was a breeze. I could not have asked for a better child. But the two year old is another story. I know that the 'terrible twos' play a big role in his behavior, but sometimes I don't think that things a sinking in with him. For instance, my fiance's mother has a lot of collectible glass wear sitting out in her shelves. Everytime we go and visit that's the first thing that he goes for. I have done the whole time out thing, and it doesn't seem to phase him. I have also slapped his little hand. He just looks at me like "and what was that for". I explain to him that stuff that isn't his, he shouldn't touch. I also explain to him that the stuff that he is trying to touch is very breakable, and that is a "no no" to do that. Maybe I am doing something totally wrong.
It also seems like whenever he gets in trouble for doing something and I put him in time out. As soon as he has done his "time" it's not 10 minutes later he is doing that very same thing he got in trouble for in the first place. I have never seen a kid act like this. I have an 8 year old brother and he is spoiled but he surely doesn't act like this. Please someone help me with this problem before I go "crazy".

[Jasmin71]

I had the same ,,,, i had/have good = evil not sure why? But its been intersting...

I dont think it has anything to do with spoiling a Kid, as I never spoiled mine. When he did something wrong he got a Strict *NO* and removed him from the *problem area*
if he did this again he did get a slap on his Butt, and again move him away from the Area. If its happend again... ( yes it did 80% of the time) I would have to hold him on my Lap... untill he found something else to catch his interest OR sometimes I would take him outside letting him run arround.
Eventuelly he will out grow it have faith !!

[max's mama]

I just wrote a reply to a similar post so I will just copy and paste it.

https://www.city-data.com/forum/paren...-s-help-2.html

Hugs. I know it can be really tough.

First of all, I want to say that on some days, I could have written this post.
I have a spirited bright intense very active 2 1/2 year old boy. He is one heck of a challenge I tell ya, but he makes me so happy, I feel so blessed to be his mother. Let me tell you something about spirited children that you and I don't fully appreciate right now. Those children are usually easier on their parents in late teens-early adult years. Spirited children cannot be led by anyone, not by us, but also not by their peers. They are independent thinkers and don't easily succumb to peer pressure.

There is nothing wrong with your son, from what I'm reading, he is just a very active bright toddler who is extremely curious about his environment, but I know it can drive you off the wall.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud giving advice about parenting, since I also have days that are better then others, but I can only speak from my experience on what helps.

First of all, you need to really figure out the limits and boundaries for your child. You and your husband need to figure out exactly what behaviour bothers you. For example: your son might be climbing the coffee table, it doesn't really bother you, but you take him off because "he shouldn't be" on it. Or it really DOES bother you. You should not allow him to do anything that you feel is disrespectful towards your feelings, not because a book tells you that's it's not right. For example, I can't imagine that hitting might not bother you and I'm sure it does, so this something needs to be worked on.

Once you figure out the limits and boundaries, you need consistency to stick to them. PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE. You need to be relentless in terms of getting your point across that he may not do it. For example, my DS never hit, but he did have a habit of pinching and pulling hair. I would catch his hand mid-air EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. and keep repeating: "you may not pinch mama, you may not pinch mama, gentle touch, gentle touch" and demonstrate the gentle touch. This habit is gradually dissapearing.

Now, let me introduce you to 5 STEP TOOL. I found out about it from Pastor Crystal Lutton, the author of Biblical Parenting. I'm not sure what your religion is, but even if it's not Christianity, I think this parenting is made of gold. It's one of very few Christian books who condemns spanking and physical punishment. This 5 step works very effectively for me and many other moms I know.

For example: your son opened refrigerator and looks thru the contents. It drives you mad.

Step one: You need to close the fridge.
Wait for few seconds and see, he might do it.

Step two: get his attention, look him in the eyes and say it calmly but firmly:
LISTEN TO MY WORDS, (make sure he is looking at you), you need to close the fridge. The fridge is cold and food gets spoiled. If the food gets spoiled, you will not eat.

If he doesn't stop proceed with:

Step three: "I see you are having a hard time closing the fridge, do you need me to help you close it or you will do it yourself?"
Wait and give him the opportunity to do it himself.

If he doesn't stop proceed with:

Step four: Removing him from the fridge and closing the door.

Step five. BEAR HUG. Most likely he will be protesting and crying. Most likely he will throw a fit. Get behind him and cross your arms over his shoulders and his chest. If you need to hold his hands, do it. This position relaxes his body and then you whisper to him in his ear that you did what you did because xyz.

5 Step Tools doesn't work with all children, but it does work with most. It takes time and practice, but after a while you will start skipping steps, because your child will already learn: YOU MEAN BUSINESS.

I'm a huge fan of "Time-ins". What it is basically is the opposite of time-out. When my child is stressed and angry and upset, when he doesn't listen and misbehave, I always look for a reason first. Did he not get enough sleep? Is he tired? Is he hungry? Is he just looking to get my attention?...or he is just wired up and looking to push my buttons? All those reasons to me are not the reasons to separate my child from me and create distance. In my house we have a "peace/comfort" corner. Basically it's corner with pillows and some stuffed animals. Sometimes when I feel desperate for him to calm down and re-charge, I remove him from situations and put him in the "peace" corner, But I'm always next to him. I tell him that even though he is driving me crazy, I still love him and he needs to sit there until he comes down. I don't watch the clock. The clock/timer will not tell me when my child is calm enough to resume, only my child can.

Also, what really made a difference with my son is when I stopped taking parenting too seriously and got down on his level and started playing. I know we all busy, we all have to clean, cook dinner and etc...But this time is so valuable. When he is difficult, make him and yourself laugh. Ease the tension, get down and make a connection thru play.

I recommend to read few books that I love:

Kids Are Worth It! by Barbara Coloroso
Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton
Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen
How to Talk to Kids so They Listen and How To Listen So Kids Talk.

I had noticed major improvement in my son for the past 6 months, who knows, some people say: you think 2 is hard? Wait till he is 3 or 4. I can only speak for what works for our family.
Good luck and hugs!!!

[cynwldkat]

I think it's pretty typical to have that "easy" child and a "difficult" child. Can's say why but it seems most families mention this. My first thought about your son touching the collectable glass items and such...he's just curious. His curiousity is stronger then his willingness to obey you. From what I have learned a curious child, often times the more difficult child, are the more intelligent. Probably not always but very often. No two children are alike.

[nicolepsy]

ask you mil to remove the collectible glass or dont go into that room as it's too tempting (because it's shiny!) for your 2 year old. when my children were young i just removed anything from the room that i didnt want them to touch because i didnt want to have to say "NO" so much. saying "NO" all day long is no fun for the parent or the child. the word "no" just doesnt sink in for some kids. please do not slap or spank your child.

[max's mama]

Originally Posted by nicolepsy

ask you mil to remove the collectible glass or dont go into that room as it's too tempting (because it's shiny!) for your 2 year old. when my children were young i just removed anything from the room that i didnt want them to touch because i didnt want to have to say "NO" so much. saying "NO" all day long is no fun for the parent or the child. the word "no" just doesnt sink in for some kids. please do not slap or spank your child.

I agree about saying "no". When we say "no" so much, it becomes white noise to a child. I think the less temptation the better, imagine yourself being a curious 2 year old. So many things to see so many things to touch and every time you touch something you get a "slap-on the hand" figuratively speaking. I think it diminishes child's natural desire to explore and forbidden fruit is always tempting.

[Miborn]

Originally Posted by nicolepsy

ask you mil to remove the collectible glass or dont go into that room as it's too tempting (because it's shiny!) for your 2 year old. when my children were young i just removed anything from the room that i didnt want them to touch because i didnt want to have to say "NO" so much. saying "NO" all day long is no fun for the parent or the child. the word "no" just doesnt sink in for some kids. please do not slap or spank your child.

I agree. It is to pretty not to touch it does not mean they are bad children. I did not remove anything that I could not afford to loose. So I did have inexpensive pretties out and over time they did learn I have to say that things did get broke though.
We had to stop going to my in-laws because she had collectible china dolls on the floor, chairs etc as well as other collectibles and would not move them when we came over.
It was just to much to deal with and he was doing nothing wrong looking and wanting to touch grandmas pretties.
I think sometimes we expect to much from our children at ages that they cannot comprehend what we want.

[luv80s]

Hi ann!
I started a similar topic about surviving the terrible twos and I totally know what you are going through. The responses I got were incredibly encouraging. My son is very independent and curious about everything and can be such a handful. Like the other parents told me, Have patience and Hang in there! We can survive this, hehe.

[keeperk]

My babysitter has her fireplace going, collectables out, plants and anything and everything you would not want a kid to touch. My grandbaby does not touch her stuff, UNTIL I show up to pick him up he goes diving for it all. She tells him, uh noooooo, those are pretties. Then he's hands off. He takes his plate to the sink, says thank you and you're welcome and puts his toys away.

At home, all bets are off! I don't get it. He kicks, screams and is into everything. But he still says you're welcome and bless you on a sneeze.

[cynwldkat]

Kids do listen to strangers/other adults a lot better more often then their own parents--I know cause I too experienced all of that. The children don't know how far they can push another person. They do, however, know how far they can push you and will! I agree with the other posters. If you don't want it broken put it up or away for these first years. You know how the old saying goes...if you tell a child the stove is hot they will eventually touch it just to see if it really is hot. It all part of a natural growing process. The curiousity is good but hard on the parents. Make it easier on both the child and the parent and be smart about what is left out at an accessible level. And for me personally, I would avoid going to other peoples homes who just could not understand this kind of thinking. It's not fair for either your child or you!!