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I'm not really certain as to how severe her brother's problems are. I'm sad for the little girl that she is ashamed of her brother.
There are sibling support groups for sibs of special needs children. Maybe there is one in your town or city that you could mention to your friend. Again, I don't know how close you are to the friend, but it's a thought. The girl needs to know that there are other kids out there that are experiencing the same situation at home.
I'm not really certain as to how severe her brother's problems are. I'm sad for the little girl that she is ashamed of her brother.
There are sibling support groups for sibs of special needs children. Maybe there is one in your town or city that you could mention to your friend. Again, I don't know how close you are to the friend, but it's a thought. The girl needs to know that there are other kids out there that are experiencing the same situation at home.
Thanks....I'll check into that and see what is available. If I find something maybe I will let her mother know.
Her brother is not severe.....but he is high maintenance. It doesn't help that for several years he has been allowed to get away with stuff because of his "anxiety". He was recently in a program though for high anxiety kids and I believe that they have concluded that he is autistic also. So, he really needs some good therapy and intervention. And, I think that he needs some help with impulse control (speaking out, grabbing things, chasing, etc). I think that this is where a lot of the embarassment for his sister comes into play.
So things have been escalating recently. This boy has been acting out a lot and has taken to chasing my daughter on her bike, grabbing her around the waist and carrying her (against her will), trapping her and some friends in small areas, swearing and taunting, etc. This has happened on several occasions over the last week or so. These have been times when my daughter was in our yard or with her friends (including the boy's sister) walking down the street, or when she was on her way to another friend's house. Unfortunately the way that we are situated there is no way for her to get to her friend's houses without passing his.
We were away for the weekend and when we returned on Sunday afternoon, my daughter asked if she could go play. No problem, see you at 6pm for dinner. When she got home, she told me that he had been bothering them again when they were at the park behind her friends house. Alright, that's enough.....I called the Mom that night and had a conversation with her. She had heard about the park incident from her daughter and she confronted her son about it. He just took off on his bike in a rage. Apparently he is jealous that his sister has friends to play with and he does not. She and I talked for a while and she let me know that she was sorry and that they would talk with him. I talked to my daughter and told her that if she had anymore trouble that she was to tell him to stop (calmly and firmly.....no screaming or anger) and then come home immediately.
Yesterday (Tuesday) I got home from work and my daughter told me that he did it again. This time there was a group of girls walking back from one of their houses and when they passed his house he crossed the street to swear at them and then he grabbed my daughter again. She very firmly told him to put her down, that he was being inappropriate and to not touch her. He let her down and then reached for her again and she slapped his hand away and said "Stop!". She crossed the street to catch up with her friends (they had crossed to get away from him) and he followed and continued to tease the group. Now they were in his yard (his sister was with the group) and he managed to corner three of them on the front porch. His younger brother saw what was going on and pulled the boy away so the girls could escape.
Now, when all of this was happening the parents were in the house. The Mom came out at the end of the melee and they all told her what was going on and she said, "Well he is just a 13 YO boy and that is what they do. He is just teasing you girls". Then she turned to her daughter and asked if she had anything to say about it and she jsut said no. I believe that she was scared of retaliation and/or embarassed. I will say that once again, I don't believe that he had malicious intent. He truly seems like he thinks it is all a joke and he laughs the whole time.
The problem is.....now my daughter is scared. She feels like no one is doing anything about it and she feels somewhat violated. The boy is big for his age and I think that when he picked her up she was a little freaked out because he started carrying her around. My husband and I have told her that from now on she is not allowed to go to that house and if she wants to go to a friends house she needs an escort until she has passed safely in front of his house. She is also to report any incidents to us immediately.
She wants to go over and confront the parents (she is used to talking with them as she has been friends with their daughter for several years) and let them know how she feels. She thinks that her friend isn't saying anything because she feels like it won't matter and she says, "you think that what he does to you is bad....you should see what he does to me at home". SIGH
Clearly I am going to need to have another talk with them ASAP. My daughter shouldn't feel unsafe in her own yard and street. I am not going to let my daughter talk with them because I don't think that will be value added in the conversation. I am not even sure that what I say is going to be helpful because they don't seem to be able to control him. But I don't know what other options I have?
Sometimes I think that we might be over reacting and other times I am thinking that this is scary. Considering his age, size, mental state, and lack of impulse control I am afraid that he might try something more daring in the near future.
So things have been escalating recently. This boy has been acting out a lot and has taken to chasing my daughter on her bike, grabbing her around the waist and carrying her (against her will), trapping her and some friends in small areas, swearing and taunting, etc. This has happened on several occasions over the last week or so. These have been times when my daughter was in our yard or with her friends (including the boy's sister) walking down the street, or when she was on her way to another friend's house. Unfortunately the way that we are situated there is no way for her to get to her friend's houses without passing his.
We were away for the weekend and when we returned on Sunday afternoon, my daughter asked if she could go play. No problem, see you at 6pm for dinner. When she got home, she told me that he had been bothering them again when they were at the park behind her friends house. Alright, that's enough.....I called the Mom that night and had a conversation with her. She had heard about the park incident from her daughter and she confronted her son about it. He just took off on his bike in a rage. Apparently he is jealous that his sister has friends to play with and he does not. She and I talked for a while and she let me know that she was sorry and that they would talk with him. I talked to my daughter and told her that if she had anymore trouble that she was to tell him to stop (calmly and firmly.....no screaming or anger) and then come home immediately.
Yesterday (Tuesday) I got home from work and my daughter told me that he did it again. This time there was a group of girls walking back from one of their houses and when they passed his house he crossed the street to swear at them and then he grabbed my daughter again. She very firmly told him to put her down, that he was being inappropriate and to not touch her. He let her down and then reached for her again and she slapped his hand away and said "Stop!". She crossed the street to catch up with her friends (they had crossed to get away from him) and he followed and continued to tease the group. Now they were in his yard (his sister was with the group) and he managed to corner three of them on the front porch. His younger brother saw what was going on and pulled the boy away so the girls could escape.
Now, when all of this was happening the parents were in the house. The Mom came out at the end of the melee and they all told her what was going on and she said, "Well he is just a 13 YO boy and that iswhat they do. He is just teasing you girls". Then she turned to her daughter and asked if she had anything to say about it and she jsut said no. I believe that she was scared of retaliation and/or embarassed. I will say that once again, I don't believe that he had malicious intent. He truly seems like he thinks it is all a joke and he laughs the whole time.
The problem is.....now my daughter is scared. She feels like no one is doing anything about it and she feels somewhat violated. The boy is big for his age and I think that when he picked her up she was a little freaked out because he started carrying her around. My husband and I have told her that from now on she is not allowed to go to that house and if she wants to go to a friends house she needs an escort until she has passed safely in front of his house. She is also to report any incidents to us immediately.
She wants to go over and confront the parents (she is used to talking with them as she has been friends with their daughter for several years) and let them know how she feels. She thinks that her friend isn't saying anything because she feels like it won't matter and she says, "you think that what he does to you is bad....you should see what he does to me at home". SIGH
Clearly I am going to need to have another talk with them ASAP. My daughter shouldn't feel unsafe in her own yard and street. I am not going to let my daughter talk with them because I don't think that will be value added in the conversation. I am not even sure that what I say is going to be helpful because they don't seem to be able to control him. But I don't know what other options I have?
Sometimes I think that we might be over reacting and other times I am thinking that this is scary.Considering his age, size, mental state, and lack of impulse control I am afraid that he might try something more daring in the near future.
I guess better safe than sorry.
His parents are wrong. Their son's behavior is not appropriate and not "typical 13 year old boy behavior.". He is violating your daughter by picking her up against her will.
I would contact the parents and firmly explain that their son's behavior is scaring your daughter and other children in the neighborhood and you will be forced to contact the police if he ever "puts his hands on your daughter" again.
And, yes, do contact the police if it ever happens again. In fact, if it was me, I would contactthe police right now to make sure that they are aware of the situation. What if something does happen and when the police talk to his parents they say that he has never done anything like that before, it is all a misunderstanding, your daughter is the trouble maker & starts arguments, etc. etc. Also, I would be concerned that bad things are happening to the little sister.
Monitor your daughter closely, as their son may escalate now that you have confronted him and reported his behavior to his parents.
A number of years ago we had a similar situation in my hometown. An older stepbrother, age 11 or 12, had anger issues and impulse control problems & would get into frequent fights, both verbal & physical, with his 8 year old stepsister. It was reported that the parents continued to minimize his problems (the teachers at school had been greatly concerned about his anger issues, but his parents said that it wasn't "anything to be worried about").
Sadly, one morning before school (the parents had already left for work) he got angry with her over a trivial matter (he said that she laughed at his shirt or something like that) and he strangled her to death. He claimed that he didn't intend to hurt her but didn't realize how strong he was. Everyone lost, a little girl lost her life, the boy ended up in juvenile prison (I think until age 21 or 25) and the parents got a divorce.
Obviously, this type of thing rarely, rarely happens but I wanted you to know that sometimes it does happen.
Last edited by germaine2626; 07-31-2013 at 04:35 PM..
Yes, I agree that they are wrong about the just being 13 thing. I think that they are afraid that people might judge them if they knew all of the stuff that he does so I think that was her way of protecting him at that moment. I should be clear that they are not just standing by and not doing anything about this.....he is in therapy and will be going to a private school in the fall. I really get the feeling that she is more or less at a loss of how to handle some of these situations when they occur.
That is just a horrible story about the young girl being killed. I know that it does sometimes happen and believe me, my mind has gone there a few times but then I feel like I might be over reacting. I have known this family for several years and the boy has never done anything malicious. Mischieveous, yes. I just have a hard time making the leap to raging murderer.
That being said, I am not taking this lightly. My daughter believes that we are going to do what we can to protect her and she is aware of the things that he might be capable of doing to her. We talked for a long time last night about all this and I think that we have a plan in place for the short term. We will see what happens once I talk with his parents again.
I am hoping to get a hold of them tonight or tomorrow so that we can sort this out. It is all so sad.....I really feel for them as a family and I hurt for my daughter.
So things have been escalating recently. This boy has been acting out a lot and has taken to chasing my daughter on her bike, grabbing her around the waist and carrying her (against her will), trapping her and some friends in small areas, swearing and taunting, etc. This has happened on several occasions over the last week or so. These have been times when my daughter was in our yard or with her friends (including the boy's sister) walking down the street, or when she was on her way to another friend's house. Unfortunately the way that we are situated there is no way for her to get to her friend's houses without passing his.
We were away for the weekend and when we returned on Sunday afternoon, my daughter asked if she could go play. No problem, see you at 6pm for dinner. When she got home, she told me that he had been bothering them again when they were at the park behind her friends house. Alright, that's enough.....I called the Mom that night and had a conversation with her. She had heard about the park incident from her daughter and she confronted her son about it. He just took off on his bike in a rage. Apparently he is jealous that his sister has friends to play with and he does not. She and I talked for a while and she let me know that she was sorry and that they would talk with him. I talked to my daughter and told her that if she had anymore trouble that she was to tell him to stop (calmly and firmly.....no screaming or anger) and then come home immediately.
Yesterday (Tuesday) I got home from work and my daughter told me that he did it again. This time there was a group of girls walking back from one of their houses and when they passed his house he crossed the street to swear at them and then he grabbed my daughter again. She very firmly told him to put her down, that he was being inappropriate and to not touch her. He let her down and then reached for her again and she slapped his hand away and said "Stop!". She crossed the street to catch up with her friends (they had crossed to get away from him) and he followed and continued to tease the group. Now they were in his yard (his sister was with the group) and he managed to corner three of them on the front porch. His younger brother saw what was going on and pulled the boy away so the girls could escape.
Now, when all of this was happening the parents were in the house. The Mom came out at the end of the melee and they all told her what was going on and she said, "Well he is just a 13 YO boy and that is what they do. He is just teasing you girls". Then she turned to her daughter and asked if she had anything to say about it and she jsut said no. I believe that she was scared of retaliation and/or embarassed. I will say that once again, I don't believe that he had malicious intent. He truly seems like he thinks it is all a joke and he laughs the whole time.
The problem is.....now my daughter is scared. She feels like no one is doing anything about it and she feels somewhat violated.
Of course she does. This is ASSAULT. When you speak to the mother, you use that word. "If he assaults my daughter again, I will phone the police." is about right. Picking someone up and grabbing at them is some scary ****. I get it, the mother is at a loss as to what to do. But no one has the right to assault your child. Then you follow through. If he assaults her again, you phone the police. She carries a cell, phones you, you phone police.
Period.
Quote:
The boy is big for his age and I think that when he picked her up she was a little freaked out because he started carrying her around. My husband and I have told her that from now on she is not allowed to go to that house and if she wants to go to a friends house she needs an escort until she has passed safely in front of his house. She is also to report any incidents to us immediately.
She wants to go over and confront the parents (she is used to talking with them as she has been friends with their daughter for several years) and let them know how she feels. She thinks that her friend isn't saying anything because she feels like it won't matter and she says, "you think that what he does to you is bad....you should see what he does to me at home". SIGH
Clearly I am going to need to have another talk with them ASAP. My daughter shouldn't feel unsafe in her own yard and street. I am not going to let my daughter talk with them because I don't think that will be value added in the conversation. I am not even sure that what I say is going to be helpful because they don't seem to be able to control him. But I don't know what other options I have?
Sometimes I think that we might be over reacting and other times I am thinking that this is scary. Considering his age, size, mental state, and lack of impulse control I am afraid that he might try something more daring in the near future.
I guess better safe than sorry.
It is really sad for that family. But the rest of the neighborhood needs to be safe.
Of course she does. This is ASSAULT. When you speak to the mother,you use that word. "If he assaults my daughter again, I will phone the police." is about right. Picking someone up and grabbing at them is some scary ****. I get it, the mother is at a loss as to what to do. But no one has the right to assault your child. Then you follow through. If he assaults her again, you phone the police. She carries a cell, phones you, you phone police.
Period.
It is really sad for that family. But the rest of the neighborhood needs to be safe.
Excellent points.
Grabbing someone smaller than you, picking her up off the ground/off her bike and holding her against her will (even if briefly) IS "some scary ****" and not just "boys will be boys".
You and your husband need to have a face to face with the boys parents where you explain that your daughter was assaulted and if anything of this nature happens again you'll have to call the police to report it..
This all makes me sick to my stomach... what did the little girl mean when she mused about what her brother does to her at home? Call the cops if he assaults your daughter again. No more calling the parents - clearly, these parents are out of their league. I won't risk the safety of my child to spare the embarrassment of an adult. And maybe drop an anonymous line to children's services so they can interview and evaluate each child in that home.
The sad fact is that this kid is a menace and will only grow into a bigger kid and a larger menace. If he has no physical impulse control now, what happens when puberty and sexual feelings start to overwhelm him? He's already grabbing your daughter... it needs to end right now. It's not a game, not a joke. Sometimes, unfortunately, some people can't be helped - they can only be contained.
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