Parents who allow their kids to be abused by their partner

[Ringo1]

Originally Posted by AK-Cathy

...although some other stories I hear horrify me, I do not know what it's like to walk in their shoes so I try very hard not to judge without knowing all of the circumstances.

While I understand this point of view, there are some circumstances that are so harmful and irreversible (like immanent death) that require people to set aside all victimhood, squeamishness, cowardice, personal security or relationship to rectify. Child sexual abuse is one of those things, most especially for those in a care taking role. I stand by No Excuses.

And I take that stand with you. As a mother, it's my job to stop at nothing to protect my child. Nothing. You never know what strength you have - until it's ALL you have. No excuses.

[Mainer61]

Originally Posted by njmom66

What would I do? There is a good chance I'd end up in jail for the reaction I'd have.

Agreed!

[njmom66]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

Yesterday our local newspaper had an article about a step-father who sexually abused his preteen stepdaughter. It was reported that he had been been "talking to her (his wife) about having sex with her daughters for over three years". The assault actual occurred when the wife brought her daughter to their bedroom and watched as her husband "engaged in three different sexual acts" with her daughter.

The preteen girl told her sister who told their biological father.

Both the mother and the stepfather were charged with several crimes. I personally feel that they should both rot in prison and then rot in hell.

Sorry Germaine, rotting in prison just isn't good enough. And IMHO, the mom should get even worse punishment. She birthed these children, and then took part? There is a special place in hell for that b*tch.

[malamute]

Originally Posted by njmom66

Sorry Germaine, rotting in prison just isn't good enough. And IMHO, the mom should get even worse punishment. She birthed these children, and then took part? There is a special place in hell for that b*tch.

And for that kind of thing, there is absolutely no way to not judge such a mother. She not only allowed the rape, she participated in it.

[confusedasusual]

I am the child of a mother who allowed me and my sister (perhaps sisters) to be abused by our bio dad. I think my other thread might have inspired this one as the OP has been very supportive on the topic. I can say from my own experience that none of the excuses fit:

-- we were middle class, and both my parents were college educated
--my father (the abuser) had parents who loved him dearly and would have been appalled to find out what he had done (no history of sexual abuse himself, certainly)
--my mother had a strict father who she was always trying to please but as far as we know, there was no sexual abuse in her past
--my mother didn't work when we were little, so she didn't have the excuse of not being around us much, and could not claim ignorance.
--there was no drug or alcohol abuse of any kind in our family
-- when I went to the hopsital for an injury that had occurred because of the abuse, my mother actively covered it up
--my mother took me out of school when I started to have breakdowns in class in the first grade and the school psychologist got involved.
--when my father left my mother she threw herself at his feet (literally) and begged him to stay, despite the fact that she knew this was happening.

To her dying breath, this woman did not apologize or admit her role in this situation. She even said that my sister and I should change our names to disassociate ourselves from our father-- she was safe because shen she finally left him for another man, she went back to her maiden name. Again, our problem, not hers.

My therapist says its very common to have a harder time with the non-offending parent than the offender. I can understand. Most normal people can't fathom the behavior of the offender. Its easier to get angry at the person who is supposed to protect you and be on your side. And who does not.